so i went “home” for the holidays, and right off the bat i was taken by surprise: massachusetts is still there, even after two years without me. i don’t know how it manages. i mean, i knew people still lived there- everything i know i learned from the internets- but i was under the impression that civilization had just crumbled in my absence and everyone was all, “multipass
!” as they sped around the thunderdome.
on the plane, i sat and quietly knitted beside a very handsome man, who remained that way until he farted and then breathed a miasma of sleepy mouth air and probably airborne disease on me. i nearly died. i didn’t try to knit on the way back, because logan as a whole is elderly-british-catholic-school-marm-type uptight and i figured if i have to check a container of fluff
, i should probably just put the needles away. thus flying was boring and hard. i nearly died.
upon my arrival, i drove to my parent’s house in a rental car that was so bright in color it was viewable from space. i feared for my life, as surely there were government officials monitoring my movement. they must know where the hotness is at all times- it’s a matter of national security! just imagine the consequences if i were to fall into the wrong hands! red alert! red alert! awooooooga!
that night, the mishpacha (that’s jewish for family, in case you goyim are too lazy to google it) went to dinner, where i casually (and dinner-appropriately) mentioned that i fully expected to bring the meal back to California (see: my long and storied past involvements with slothful and indolent faeries
). then the faeries taught me a lesson. they taught it to me painfully, and they taught it to me every damn day. i nearly died.
on saturday i saw my beeb
, and learned there is to be a beeblet! a beebie! a tiny alien lodged in her belly that hates swiss cheese! it’s all very exciting, except that at the rate i see her, she will have a beebager covered in acne at our next rendezvous. either way, this is fabulous news, and maybe if she calls me when she goes into labor, i can hop a red eye and land just in time to trap the little beebidoux. i’m searching ebay for a pattern for a catcher’s mitt. i’m thinking pre-treated ultra suede..no stains! spills just bead right off!
christmas eve there was chinese food and hanging out with possibly my most favoritest person on the whole earth (he needs a blog name), and there was singing in the car and nostalgia and a great sense of relief that we are finally and celebratorially (is this a word? yes. why? Year of Me, bitches.) friends again. this was possibly the best present i received, though i did receive some doozies, including gift cards, and a vintage book, and jammies and a crazy fur stole thingie that’s simultaneously so awesome and yet so fucking scary that i worship it out of equal parts love and irrational terror at its deadness.
xmas was for food and more time with my family/friends. post food, i dug through the attic and donated a bunch of my old crap to goodwill. then i bought some new crap from the goodwill. it’s the circle of life.
i spent some quality time with my friend The Reverend Ray, who is planning to go teach english to scandanavians,. we ate at the restaurant i used to work in, and here is the cell picture he took of me, with my craptacular phone, breaking the law (breaking the law! breaking the law!) by crossing the velvet rope, and sitting on a throne of lies.
then the faeries did their death magic on me, and i took ray home.
sprinkled through the week (mostly post stomach coup) i did some knitting- a dog sweater commissioned by my coworker for her yorkie.
aside: when it was complete, it seemed a little small, so i found myself a model, who though slightly larger than the intended recipient, casually posed for both side and front views.
my last day in MA was spent with my restaurant peeps, including BigBrother, who is pretty much the only person i actually pick up the phone for. that makes him royalty. i got a little drunk (meaning, drunk, but didn’t throw up) and i had what was by far the culinary highlight of my trip: new england roast beast sammiches.
i cried a little, they were so good.
one could almost say i nearly died.
but only a little