July 09, 2007
dear blog:

you should have a seat, sugar. this could take a while. i'm just going to type and see where we end up.

"all my friends say that of course it's gonna get better..."

it's been nearly a month, and a really wonderful month it's been. to be fair, my life has been nothing but lovely since the moment i struck out on my own. i meant it when i said i loved it here in LA- i have a beautiful life and i sometimes get quiet for a moment just to appreciate it. that's what happened on the fourth of july, when ariel said i was awfully quiet- i was just appreciating the lucky way things fall together sometimes, that allow a person to spend a whole day off talking and making pretty objects with a good friend... and how that's a certain type of independence that should also be celebrated, but daily.

and because i have enjoyed being a free agent as it were, and because i had no intention of having more than a passing interest in a man, scoundrel or no... of course the worst has happened.

i have spent much of the last month planning for my burlesque debut (which went well, pictures soon i hope) and in the company of a certain gentleman. it's all very strange i think. the first time i met him, we got on well enough but there was nothing romantic of which to speak. the second time though, something had shifted. perhaps he revealed another aspect of his personality- perhaps i realized i wanted something other than what i had thought. either way, we flirted a bit and then a bit more.

and here it is- a month later- and i have found myself at a point i do not enjoy. since you are private now, blog, i feel i can say this without polish, without thinking, without worry.

i like him, and i do believe he likes me. NOW WHAT?

fuck.

he's currently on "hiatus" from a very time-consuming job, which is great- but what of when he returns to work and suddenly has no time? he's been nothing but honest about this eventuality... and i appreciate that... but what the hell do i do with that information? what do i do when he says, "yes, i'm busy, i don't know that i will have time, but you, you're beautiful, you're wonderful, i want you to stay tonight."

what now?

do i continue to see him? do i break it off? i don't want to struggle for someone's attention. i don't want to be a beck and call girl to anyone. i want to be a priority. i know he wants to spend time with me, but if he has none, what good does that desire do me?

if i went to the supermarket with the intention of buying strawberries and they would give me none, would i care if it were because they had none or if it were because they just didn't want to? either way, i would leave without any.

so the question is this: do i hold out for strawberries even though they might be few and far between? or do i try other fruits, of which i'm sure some might be good, even though they're not really what i want, not at all, not even a little bit?


*EDIT*: strawberries do not demand fruit choice exclusivity... however, i don't really do fruit salad... i don't like to mix foods, especially when one is something i enjoy so fully.



21 Comments:

Blogger Sysm said...

Do strawberries demand fruit choice exclusivity? Don't tie yourself down.

Unless you're into that kind of thing.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Baby girl, you have all the time in the world. Nibble your strawberries for as long as they taste good to you, and if they cease to satisfy, go find something else to fill your belly.

Looking too far down the road always makes me angsty. Better to just enjoy the walk.

Blogger Ariel said...

God bless tits, for elegantly articulating what I have been struggling to say.

Blogger brookelina said...

Tits said it much better than I could. I was going to just say, "Stop thinking so much you silly slut."

Or something like that.

Oh, and don't forget to dip the strawberries in chocolate.

Blogger Tim said...

A few years ago a girl I was dating made a strawberry shortcake in the shape of the American flag on 4th of July. She put the cake on top of her car and drove away and the strawberries smashed all over the middle of the road. Moral of the story: Sometimes strawberries are great, sometimes... wait, I forget what my point was.

Blogger Tel said...

I say keep your options open. But be honest if you really dig him. Priorities change when life happens. Especially when love happens.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Strawberry margaritas at El Mundo are good because they use fresh strawberries and 100% blue agave tequilla.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Hmmm, I say savor the strawberries while they last, and if they start to dry up on you, move on to whatever is in season next.

Also, whipped cream can work wonders to liven up a wilted berry.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Instead of leaving a real comment - because I'm semi-brain dead - I will direct to you re-read Tits' comment. She said it much better than I could have anyway.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

you can put strawberries in the freezer and keep them for a few months.

Blogger Sharon said...

Wait for your strawberries.

Blogger Libby said...

Strawberries come when you least expect it, and mostly after you announce to the world that you no longer have a need for strawberries.

Life is too short to eat baked potatoes when you want strawberries.

But in all honesty, eat what you want :)

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I'm with Brookelina - over thinking an emotional situation can never lead to a good decision. Go with what feels right and good. You're young, you have all the time in the world to eat strawberries, cherries, kumquats, whatever.

(Hee-hee. I said KUMquats!)

Blogger Quirkalot said...

This message coming to you from a ship moving somewhere between Visby, Sweden and Wunermunde, Germany:
Go for it. He may have a time-consuming job, but it sounds like he has priorities. You enjoy your alone time, too. You don't ever have to be a beck and call girl. You can live your life, and he can live his. Then ,you will be companions. Space is not always a bad thing.

Blogger JenL said...

I am allergic to strawberries, so I am the wrong person to ask.

In any event, enjoy the strawberries for as long as you like or until you decide you prefer something else.

Blogger jiggs said...

sometimes I eat fresh strawberries from the garden.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

"God bless tits".

I'm sure a good portion of the innernets echo that emotion.

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

I also enjoy tits...and comments left by tits.

It reminds me of little infinite morsel of wisdom bestowed upon me by my big brother:

If it feels good, do it. When it stops feeling good, stop.

Hrm...maybe I should take his advice more often.

Blogger slappy said...

You shouldn't let strawberries in the backyard ripen too long or else a squirrel will eat them.

I think I've taken the metaphor too far.

However, I do firmly believe that you should enjoy strawberries until they piss you off. Don't go eating a pear just because you feel you should, when really you're thinking "I don't want to eat this fucking pear."

But that's just me.

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

if he really digs you? he'll make time. you want someone who thinks that YOU are the priority. my boy? who i will keep forever and ever and ever? followed me through three or four moves...it's worth looking for that kind of guy. and your boy? might be that kind of guy. the thing is? you don't know how all that is going to pan out. meanwhile? have yourself a good time, sweets...however far you want to take things...

also? i am a bad internets friend, and i apologize. the not syndicating thing gets me all confuzled. i promise that i'll read you all reglearlike from now on. seriously. pinky swear.

Blogger Helena Handbasket said...

Mr. I Have A Big Time-Consuming Job may only have a big time-consuming job because he has had nothing else he wanted to spend time doing. Who knows? The possibility exists that he may want to spend a reasonable portion of his time doing you and hence find ways to reduce the amount of time he alots to do his job. (In some ways it sounds like he's hedging his bets so that if he wants out, he already has the "out" scenario in place.)

Anyway, I know what you mean -- it sorta puts it all in his court and you wanna have more control than just waiting around to see what he does. Good stuff's worth the risk. Smooches.

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