July 25, 2007
interviewed by yournamehere

5. Besides family and friends, what do you miss most about the east coast?

food, glorious food! suppertime! there are foods there i can't get here (dunkin donuts, delicious seafood like maine lobster and fried clams, kelly's roast beef), and really, besides the family and friends, what else is there????

4. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

oh geez. are we talking physical or otherwise? i'm a very logical kind of girl, so i've given this question a good deal of thought. physically speaking, i would change the one thing that bothers me most, because the other things i could technically change through something i hear is called "diet and exercise." so the physical change i would make in myself- i would have magic hair (head and body) that would grow in the areas and to the length i decided. if we're talking non-physical, well there are two things. i would like to be more assertive and more patient, with myself and others. but i'm working on both.

3. Which is your favorite neighborhood or area of Los Angeles?

wow, this is hard. i love so many things about LA. chinatown is great, i love the metro stations there that look like pagodas. the venice canals/beaches are gorgeous. fairfax is a good place to hangout because it's fairly central and not scary. (that's a bad reason to like an area, isn't it?) i feel like there are so many things in LA i've not seen that i can't make an educated decision. there are things to value just about everywhere... for instance: dollar taco stands. wherever the tacos are is my favorite part of LA.

2. Do you have a personal role model?

that's an excellent question. i don't think i have one person in particular that i look to as an example, but more so aspects of many people that i admire and hope to cultivate in myself. some of those people are reading this right now, i'd imagine.

1. Who is the douchiest celebrity you've seen out in public?

i've not seen that many celebrities, to be honest. i don't hang around the right places. i met drusilla from buffy and she was very kind and even wrote my mom a note. (mom's a big fan.) most of the douchey people i know are just regular. sorry.

i'm supposed to offer to interview you now, but really, i won't do that. so if you have any questions you'd like to ask me, feel free. i will answer them.

July 18, 2007
yes, we have no strawberries.

because i am trying to be honest with myself about this on all counts, i will write it out here: i did better this time. i should be proud of that.

while i obviously still screwed it up by choosing to be interested in someone who was either truly unavailable or just not willing to be more so (and i'll never really know which), at least in other respects he was a good man.

and while i know i should just let it go, i find myself still sadly hoping.

because of that, i will not be pursuing anything else- not that i was before anyways. he came as a complete surprise... but i think i need to devote more time to me, so that maybe when i meet someone in the future, i'll do even better.

in other news, in addition to the massive amounts of travel i had already planned on logging in this summer (two trips to SF, a trip to san diego, and an early autumn visit to AZ) i apparently will be flying cross country to attend a barbecue with strangers, because that's the kind of girl i am. you know, the kind who will fly over 2000 miles to distract herself... and to reclaim her life and her joy in being alone.

those strawberries were delicious though, while i had them.

July 09, 2007
dear blog:

you should have a seat, sugar. this could take a while. i'm just going to type and see where we end up.

"all my friends say that of course it's gonna get better..."

it's been nearly a month, and a really wonderful month it's been. to be fair, my life has been nothing but lovely since the moment i struck out on my own. i meant it when i said i loved it here in LA- i have a beautiful life and i sometimes get quiet for a moment just to appreciate it. that's what happened on the fourth of july, when ariel said i was awfully quiet- i was just appreciating the lucky way things fall together sometimes, that allow a person to spend a whole day off talking and making pretty objects with a good friend... and how that's a certain type of independence that should also be celebrated, but daily.

and because i have enjoyed being a free agent as it were, and because i had no intention of having more than a passing interest in a man, scoundrel or no... of course the worst has happened.

i have spent much of the last month planning for my burlesque debut (which went well, pictures soon i hope) and in the company of a certain gentleman. it's all very strange i think. the first time i met him, we got on well enough but there was nothing romantic of which to speak. the second time though, something had shifted. perhaps he revealed another aspect of his personality- perhaps i realized i wanted something other than what i had thought. either way, we flirted a bit and then a bit more.

and here it is- a month later- and i have found myself at a point i do not enjoy. since you are private now, blog, i feel i can say this without polish, without thinking, without worry.

i like him, and i do believe he likes me. NOW WHAT?


he's currently on "hiatus" from a very time-consuming job, which is great- but what of when he returns to work and suddenly has no time? he's been nothing but honest about this eventuality... and i appreciate that... but what the hell do i do with that information? what do i do when he says, "yes, i'm busy, i don't know that i will have time, but you, you're beautiful, you're wonderful, i want you to stay tonight."

what now?

do i continue to see him? do i break it off? i don't want to struggle for someone's attention. i don't want to be a beck and call girl to anyone. i want to be a priority. i know he wants to spend time with me, but if he has none, what good does that desire do me?

if i went to the supermarket with the intention of buying strawberries and they would give me none, would i care if it were because they had none or if it were because they just didn't want to? either way, i would leave without any.

so the question is this: do i hold out for strawberries even though they might be few and far between? or do i try other fruits, of which i'm sure some might be good, even though they're not really what i want, not at all, not even a little bit?

*EDIT*: strawberries do not demand fruit choice exclusivity... however, i don't really do fruit salad... i don't like to mix foods, especially when one is something i enjoy so fully.

golden state