June 13, 2007
becoming los angeles

lately something has been changing. for a good while i couldn't put my finger on it, but i knew it was there, pushing in on me from all directions. i could feel it in the air and in the water, in my bed while i slept.

i woke up one morning this week and realized what it is- i'm happy here, alone in los angeles.

of course i'm not actually alone- i have some amazing and diverse friends who have helped me to find this new love. but there it is. things here are wonderful.

when i broke up with exBoy last year, it was the beginning of the upswing- i began spending more time with my lovely ladies and less at home. i went to knitting groups more- i went to festivals and dinners and classes. i learned my way around- i found more crafts and places to dance. when i moved out april 1st, it was as if everything finally fell into place. the first time i went out on a weeknight without anyone to come home to i felt dangerous... and free.

so i've been on some dates (all firsts, no seconds. though there was a 1.5 with the sexican...) and i've gone out with my girls, and i've hosted guests and been to parties and learned that i really like being on my own.

which is why i resent my current state of "crush" so intensely. you see, i don't want to like a boy (or man or guy or whatever.) i want to devote myself to the metric shittonne of rhinestoning necessary to be ready for my two (2!) july performances. i want to have time for sewing and sunday afternoon gelato with friends. and yet... well that's a post for another time. preferably a time after he's taken me out for dinner!

and that dinner better be good, seeing as he's a native angeleno. i want to know all the secret spots so i can better experience my new love- and i do mean the city. for now.*




*kidding.**
**maybe.***
***who knows? stop pressuring me! i'm not ready coach! don't put me in the game!



25 Comments:

Blogger yournamehere said...

I never felt that way about Las Vegas. Begrudging acceptance was the best I could do.

I love being back in my hometown, although my favorite bars and restaurants have left me fat and liver-damaged.

Blogger Libbysmom said...

You know as much as I love my family I also long to have nobody to come home as well. I want to walk in my house and be alone. I don't want kids crawling on me or a man asking me what I want for dinner. I don't want to have to think about how my actions have an affect on anybody but me.

Then when I am alone I miss my kids so much it hurts me inside. Im fickle huh?

Love the moment you are in. And when the next moment is different love that one. That's what I TRY to do.

Blogger Ariel said...

As a representative I can say, "LA LOVES YOU TOO!"

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

I remember flying back to LA after 10 days with my family in Pennsyltucky, seeing the Hollywood Hills out the window, and thinking "I'm so happy to be home." And then realizing that I love LA and being really surprised by that.

I'm glad you're in love 'cause that means we get to keep you.

Now, really--what's the Sexican story?

Blogger me said...

i second laurie ann... all this foreshadowing is driving me bananas.

yay that you're happy!!!!

Blogger Libby said...

OK, first, there's a Libbysmom that comments on here? Yay! Libbies are awesome.

Second, I must hear all about the dizzy burlyQ since I have recently been informed that shaking my moneymaker for burlyQ is no longer an option. Long story. I hate boys.

Third, I FOUND YOUU!!!!!!!

I am very excited. That is all.

ps - I need to hear about the sexican as well. I am behind.

Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

I'm a little sleepy, so maybe I'm reading this wrong, but why'd you break up with eBay?

Blogger jiggs said...

hmm. I think I need an update...

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

:) It's a big thing to be happy, and to be secure on your own. I feel as proud as an old (fat, dowdy) mother hen. Congratulations.

And, the great thing about crushes? Usually once you spend some time with them, you realized it was better when you worshipped them from afar. (trans: he looked better before he opened his mouth!)

Blogger Samantha said...

Good to see you again. Hope we can do it again sometime..

-bumble (new log-in)

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

it ain't always all or nuttin', baybee. boys aren't all horrible, just the clingy ones. i always have felt like i wanted the leon, not that i need the leon. it's pretty festive.

Blogger slappy said...

It sounds to me like you're getting close to becoming a female version of the Philip Marlowe detective character in a Chandler novel.

Which I think is about the only way you could become more kickass.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

You need to dish, girl. Now.

Also, I totally want you to rhinestone my boobs.

Blogger Sachi said...

*waves* I'm still here. Just got a little side tracked for a couple weeks.

I like this whole clandestine blog thing. You make me want to do one too.... only my life isn't as exciting as yours.

Blogger Faith said...

There's definitely something to be said for loving the alone time. Being able to pick at scabs (both figuratively and literally) without grossing anyone out or explaining yourself.

Looking forward to hearing all about this boy...

Blogger Übermilf said...

Happy happy joy joy
Happy happy joy joy
Happy happy joy joy joy

Anonymous Therese said...

Miissssssssssssssssssssssssss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

Post, please.

Blogger crazyauntpurl said...

I have been head-over-heels in love with L.A. since the first time i visited when I was like eight or nine. I think my whole life was just a way of getting here!

I am only 30 days behind on email now, which is why I finally got your note and got to come to your secret treehouse. L:)

Blogger Übermilf said...

Please don't steal my husband.

Think of my children!

Take Nick instead. I beg of you. I'm not using him for anything. Well, he did take out the garbage.

Blogger Nick said...

Yes, take me instead. I know all the secret spots in this "Los Angeles", as you called it.

Blogger Melina said...

so...I saw Transformers yesterday (don't see it, it's crap) and your Hollywood prince charming was in it...made me think of you!

Blogger Christina said...

I've only been to L.A. once, when I was 16, but I absolutely loved it. I'm glad you're enjoying living there so much and having fun with your ladies!

P.S. I read that book you recommended, "Operating Instructions," and LOVED it. Thanks so much for the recommendation!

Blogger Nick said...

Don't listen to Melina, she's obviously a lunatic.

Transformers was fucking amazing. They absolutely knocked it out of the park.

That being said: New post!!!

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Have you finished your transformation?

Blogger Sysm said...

Transformers sucked.

Nick lives in Kansas,

He's woefully bereft of non sucktacular points of reference.

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