May 31, 2007
why we are playing anne frank

so.

the reason we have gone into hiding is pretty much this: besides the growing concern that my job would find this, the more pressing issue was (and remains) that exBoy simply does not understand that we are broken up. he continues to call, text, IM, email, myspace stalk, and generally harass me regarding what i might or might not be doing. ignoring him eventually gets him to stop temporarily- but more often feeds the fire, where he thinks every non response is a direct "yes." because obviously i am making out with a different boy every damn night and getting hookers and doing blow. i think he may have me confused with someone else.

in order to feel like i could blog freely about anything- not just dating, but anything i was doing- i wanted it to be away from him, untouched by him. i want my life to be ALL MINE.

so that's why we're all up in this attic. keep your voices down when you hear a knock.

in other news, let me share with you the first in what i'm sure will be a highly entertaining for you and painful for me ongoing series of my dating tips for menz.

TIP: if you are trying to convince a girl (and i only say girl because these tips are based on my REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES) to be your girlfriend, that you really like her and all that romantical bullshit, perhaps it would be unwise of you to leave a crumpled up condom wrapper on your floor, even if it is very impressive magnum xl.

seeing this "golden ticket" makes a girl think one of three things:
1. you have had sex recently, and thus are a)not as interested as you appear, b) a horrible lying kid of person, c)a giant one-stop shop for veneral diseases.

2. you have had sex not all that recently, but have also not cleaned all that recently which is disgusting.

3. you sprinkle condom wrappers around your apartment in an effort to appear cool. this is the creepiest of the three options. if this is the case, please delete yourself.


please pass this tip along as you see fit. it can only help.



25 Comments:

Blogger yournamehere said...

Did you also see a rubber band sitting next to the Magnum XL wrapper?

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

ewwwwwwwwww nasty condoms, not cool..

Blogger jiggs said...

I'm so small, you could fit three of my penises into a magnum xl. The other two penises would feel left out though.

You're not making out with a different boy every night and getting hookers and doing blow? I'm disappointed in you.

Blogger Stephieface said...

Another tip for the menz in the future..... Wash your sheets.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I have never been so happy to be married.

Blogger Lisslo said...

yournamehere, I was going to say zip tie. But that works, too.

*grin*

Blogger slappy said...

Wow, I feel like I'm in some kind of 1920s speakeasy.

In defense of Lindsay, she was in AC. Even if she was drug-addled and unconscious, that doesn't even put her on the list of degenerates in AC.

I've always felt that there should be a government agency to certify a man's penis as adequate. Then we wouldn't need subtle (where the b is not silent) methods to communicate the worthiness of our cocks. We could just show you our card.

Small... five... Once again, Jiggs is confusing his finger with a penis.

Blogger Rezzie said...

Ooooh, that sucks.

The part where exBoy forces you in to hiding, not the part where we play together with no pants in attics.

:)

Anonymous Therese said...

(Just checking out whether I can post a comment with a link to my blog instead of my email address....)

Anonymous Therese said...

(Sweet!)

Blogger Valancy Jane said...

I strongly support any choice that makes you feel more free to be you. And to blog more. Because you really need to blog more. For the children, by which I of course mean me.

Blogger Libbysmom said...

Why is it when we are young we long for that kind of crazy man love and when we get it and grow up we realize how sad those guys really are?

Blogger karla said...

Aw, give the guy a break. Maybe he simply found the used condom on the floor of the men's room at the local bar, and picked it up because he thought it was neat. See, there's often a totally logical explanation for things.

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

ExBoy needs a bitch slapping. I'm telepathically telling Pickles to pee on him.

Blogger Sysm said...

For a while, the Sysmistress was collecting restaurant matches, and keeping them in a big brandy snifter.

Finding this ludicrous, I started collecting bar condoms, and keeoing them in an adjacent snifter.

I soon learned that there were far fewer restroom condom varieties than I had anticipated.

And most of them glowed-in-the-dark

Blogger Bonanza said...

i stalk my ex-boyfriends on MySpace.

i don't know why.

it is just one of those things. you can't help it...if they were once yours, you think they belong to you forever.

i'm a little drunk right now.

it's friday.

and i heart you.

viva la private blog!

Blogger brookelina said...

I think the answer is behind door number 3. You should invite him over and do the same thing...see his reaction to the condom wrappers sprinkled throughout your place.

Anonymous Catherine said...

Having experienced that exact same thing with the crumpled wrapper, all I can say is EW. Seriously.

Let's hear it for your blog going private! We'll be good and use inside voices so that the workers downstairs can't hear us.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Pieter, save the fish heads for soup, Lisel is coming to visit.

I don't know what that means.

Boys can be creepy.

Blogger WineGrrl said...

...and people can't understand why I don't date anymore.

How skeezy of him.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Boys are pigs.

Blogger Nick said...

Bonanza is crazy.

Blogger Nick said...

Also, thanks Pants.

Blogger CommonWombat said...

No condom wrappers on MY floor...

Just Ding-Dong and Butterscotch Krumpet wrappers. Does that produce the same response?

Blogger Abigail said...

Oh man... what a bad surprise!

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