May 31, 2007
why we are playing anne frank


the reason we have gone into hiding is pretty much this: besides the growing concern that my job would find this, the more pressing issue was (and remains) that exBoy simply does not understand that we are broken up. he continues to call, text, IM, email, myspace stalk, and generally harass me regarding what i might or might not be doing. ignoring him eventually gets him to stop temporarily- but more often feeds the fire, where he thinks every non response is a direct "yes." because obviously i am making out with a different boy every damn night and getting hookers and doing blow. i think he may have me confused with someone else.

in order to feel like i could blog freely about anything- not just dating, but anything i was doing- i wanted it to be away from him, untouched by him. i want my life to be ALL MINE.

so that's why we're all up in this attic. keep your voices down when you hear a knock.

in other news, let me share with you the first in what i'm sure will be a highly entertaining for you and painful for me ongoing series of my dating tips for menz.

TIP: if you are trying to convince a girl (and i only say girl because these tips are based on my REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES) to be your girlfriend, that you really like her and all that romantical bullshit, perhaps it would be unwise of you to leave a crumpled up condom wrapper on your floor, even if it is very impressive magnum xl.

seeing this "golden ticket" makes a girl think one of three things:
1. you have had sex recently, and thus are a)not as interested as you appear, b) a horrible lying kid of person, c)a giant one-stop shop for veneral diseases.

2. you have had sex not all that recently, but have also not cleaned all that recently which is disgusting.

3. you sprinkle condom wrappers around your apartment in an effort to appear cool. this is the creepiest of the three options. if this is the case, please delete yourself.

please pass this tip along as you see fit. it can only help.

May 30, 2007
welcome to my lair

pants optional!

i'm working on a real explanation of the shh shh secret-ness, but first i must eat a hotdog.

also, i apparently have to explain to my bosses at the ADVERTISING agency at which i work that i was MISquoted in the LA times about "hating commercials."

this would of course happen to me.

May 29, 2007
going private

the switch will occur at some point this week. i am out sick today, but i will get right on it just as soon as i'm back in the office.

you can't wait.

i have some real gems for you.

May 23, 2007
town meeting!

ok here's the thing: i am thinking of privatizing this here blog so that i can write what i want with out fearing who might read it.

as i understand it, you send me your email and i decide if i want you to read about my life and then if so i send you an invite to my secret blog hideout in the side of the mountain.


*EDIT* if i don't have your email, leave it or email it to me.

May 09, 2007
i've been tagged

which is good probably, otherwise i might never have come back. i'm working on it, i swear, but sometimes it's hard to present myself for your approval.

anyway, this meme is about food, and since i am a huge fattie in a less huge body, i really like to think about this sort of stuff. just recently i decided that my ideal vacation would be an official eating tour. the kind where you know, i eat my way through the state, then the country... THEN THE WORLD.

The rules:

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the city/state and country you’re in.

Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)
tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, United States)
Todd (Louisville, Kentucky, United States)
miss kendra (los angeles, california, u.s.a)

2. List out your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location.

3. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.

here's the part where i sucker out- this was really hard. i don't have five favorites in LA! i don't go out to eat bitches, because that requires having money to burn, and i have serious habits to keep up with. the underage hookers and mountains of blow* are not going to buy themselves.

anyway, the list:

1. the vegan joint is nearby, and while it looks like nothing special from the outside, inside there is some really spectacular thai. AND! because it's vegan, i can order whatever i want and not worry about my allergies, which is pretty cool. not only do they have delicious thai (i want to fill a bathtub with spicy mint noodles and then eat my way out), but also breakfasty foods like vegan pancakes and tofu scrambles, and a surprisingly excellent chocolate cake. i don't even like chocolate cake! bonus: it's just down the street from a cute vintage store that i like. yay!

2. like i said, i don't get out much. thus, limited in my repertoire to choose from... but i went to this place (malo) a while ago, and i recall it being pretty darn good. the ambiance is nice, sort of hip but not too intimidating. the reason i don't recall more is this: the food was nice, but the sangria was much much nicer.

3. now i'm going to cheat a little, and tell you the food i miss most from the east coast: revere beach's kelly's roast beef. but ONLY the one on revere beach, the original location. it has no seating, unless you count the curb or the beach wall across the street, but so worth it. if you can't get over there, i also recommend bill and bob's on the salem to beverly bridge (open late for those four martini evenings), or land n' sea in peabody. when i go home to visit, roast beef is high on my list of things to do. both kelly's and land n' sea also offer some highly desirable fried clams. mmmmmm.

4. another cheat: kowloon is possibly the most fun chinese restaurant ever. please note in the facilities section, the "tiki lagoon." i want to live there, and have all of my meals under the watchful eyes of that stone man. also, there is an entire section of their website devoted to the celebrities that have been there. the service is mostly crap, but the food is pretty good and the drinks are capital S Strong. plus, tiki lagoon!!

5. back to LA: my favorite place to eat. you may or may not know this about me, but i adore burgers and burritos. i would eat them exclusively given the chance. for burgers, many places are quite good- but for burritos? tacos por favor. in santa monica, it looks like nothing from the street and is not extensively decorated inside, but the food is really good and they make their own fresh watermelon juice! sometimes they run a little heavy on the onion, but i will forgive them because they rule me, and i would give them my first born child** in exchange for food if they wanted me to.

for an extra treat, i also like scooby's for chilidogs. pink's is acceptable, but scoob is better. so that's it. now i'm hungry.

i tag, if they are interested, stacy, nick, jiggs casey and slappy (also of jiggsblog fame), and valancy jane.

* yarn/makeup/rhinestones

** but not my cats

May 02, 2007
photoshop is my bff

warning: this post is rubbish.

currently i am making mockups of my next 4852093845 tattoos. photoshop is totally the best thing ever.

not photoshopped.

i know i haven't been so bloggy, and i really have no explanation except that i am letting all of my creativity out elsewhere. and not just photoshopping tattoos (which i am quite skillful at, fyi)! i am knitting my first shirt (for me,) working on a VERY important babygift, and trying to make my ankle work properly so i can do burlesque and wear pretty shoes again because as you know, i have serious priorities.

i just bought these pretty shoes. i am about to go to the fabric store so i can sew a dress to match them (again, priorities), which i will wear when i go to las vegas in june. that's right, i'm a-goin to vegas for to see some shimmyshakin in june. where i can i get spf 9million? also, do you think it's inappropriate to bring my cats? they do both look nice in blue.

golden state