April 17, 2007
miss kendra goes to the zoo

so my friend, the world-famous d'mang, came to LA last weekish to help me move and hangout and generally see what the deal with california is. in the spirit of misskendraluck(tm) of course, it was grey skies and wildfires all week, and since i was still on crutches for most of his stay, he also had to do all sorts of crap like help with my laundry and listen to me moan about my grocery store scooter/cart contraption being toooooo slooooow. amish people get places faster. much faster.

apart from all the tedium of moving etc, we did do some interesting things, like see a fabulous burlesque show and go to my favorite club (behold, drunken backseat artsy photographer me!) and eat about 3492867 burritos, and then on a whim, we went to the (also) world-famous san diego zoo, where i rented yet another scooter, and let me tell you. there is no complaining about the scooter speed at the zoo. that thing could take out a swarm of kindergarteners in .06 seconds. in fact i kept trying, but kindergartners are so wiggly you know.

at the zoo we saw many many things, including a fresh elephant poo and some mildly disturbing birdsecks. also things like meerkats (verdict: cute), madagascar's famous fosa (verdict: cute) and tapirs (verdict: very creepy independently moving nose). there were plenty of people too ignorant and lazy to read the signs, even to their inquisitive children, and so i learned through my magnificent eavesdropping powers that this is a "rare" banana snake and this is a "common" black bear. we also saw lots of people who are apparently blind to the handicapped, as they would stand or walk directly in front of my scooter as if it were not there. this made for some heart-pounding moments in which i had to decide if i should suddenly BRAKEexclamationpoint! or just run down those dumb fuckers like they deserved.

mostly i braked. mostly.

we also saw some pandas.

this panda, like all pandas, sleeps and eats.
that is all. no matter how long you stand there.

and camels

yes, i know camels aren't that special.
but i like them, so shove it.

and a beautiful family of giraffe

this is the adolescent. quite the pinup, no?

and a playful rhinoceros

he's playing tetherball i think. he's not that good.

and one of my favorites, the hiphopapotamus

his name is jabba. he is fat.
he is ok with it.

just look at his blissed out buddha face.

we also saw gorillas (one came right up to the glass and laid down in front of it like he was displaying himself at a wake. he just laid there, in traditional burial pose.)

and the monkeys:

not to be outdone by some gorilla,
the one on the left there presented her swollen genitals
to the other (and to us) just before this photo was taken.
after her rejection (thank god) she shrugged and commenced picking nits.

now this last one is really spectacular. oh yes it is. (channeling monkey?)

you know i am not a fan of birds, but d'mang wanted to check out the aviary- it's one of the largest i hear- and so i and my speedy scooter obliged. i even maybe liked some of what i saw, pausing to take this picture of a fancypants blue-crowned pigeon, as it was rather lovely.

but see this photo did not quite capture what i was hoping for,
which is why i was so suprised when the damn bird turned,
looked at me pointedly and then FLEW DIRECTLY AT MY HEAD.
it was like this... go on, guess who's who.
the bird just did not want its picture taken!
needs rehab! bad crown day!

c/o natalie dee.


Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Zoo! Adventures!
I feel like this post was a Hallmark card just for me.

Blogger Brookelina said...

That's it. I'm moving to California so I can be your BFF - and ever and ever and ever.

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

I saw camels having sex at the National Zoo, but no pandas because pandas are lazy, and kind of prima donnas, what with their "won't breed in captivity" bullshit.

Blogger Monkey said...

How in the name of Sam Hill can people take their children to the zoo and NOT read the plaques? We live for that kind of thing. In fact, the Boy will joyfully proclaim at each new plaque... "read it!" He's so polite... but I digress.

Your backseat drunken artsy self is rather stunning. Stunning I tell you!

As far as the angry parrot... are you sure you weren't on the set of a new horror film? I hear California is complicated that way.

Blogger yournamehere said...

A giraffe walks into a bar and says "The highballs are on me."

Just a little zoo humor for ya.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Oh! Oh! Oh oh oh!

Soooooooooooooooo fun!

Thank you for sharing!

Blogger Uccellina said...

Dammit, I've got to get to that zoo someday.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Running over kindergarteners with your scooter? I knew I loved you!

Years ago, I saw an elephant take a piss in the middle of giving elephant rides at a zoo...they brought out a giant plastic garbage can him to catch the wee. It was shooting out at fire hydrant speed.

And I'm thoroughly jealous that you saw pandas. I heart pandas!

Blogger Nick said...

This is the most awesome thing ever.

How come no one ever presents their swollen genitals to me?

Word Verification: myspce

Blogger DaMasta said...

BAHAHHAHHAA!! blissedoutbuddha faaaaaace! i love it. i love hiphopapotamuses. <--i have that video on my myspace page. anywhoo, i've been to that zoo, but i never told the story. maybe you've inspired me, maybe. and you should have just ran those bastards down. +50 points for old people. +1,000,000000,000000000 points for spawn.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

that picture at the bottom made me think of two things:

1.) that's one angry fucking parrot.

2.) "man, this is a shitty zoo" reminds me of wayne's world when they go to piccadilly circus and Garth says: "Man, what a shitty circus."

Blogger D'mang said...

It's about time someone acknowledge my world fame. All I had to do was bribe a crested pigeon.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

You could have your own program on cable, in the 2AM-3AM slot, which is surprisingly in demand.

Blogger jiggs said...

that fancypants bird reminds me of someone.

Once I rode a camel at a zoo. The camel's name was peaches.

Blogger Christina said...

Oooh! I want to go to the zoo!

And you're right. Kindergarteners ARE wiggly. I can never get them to sit still in the pot long enough to bring it to a steady boil.

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