April 19, 2007
welcome home contest

i realize i have yet to make the pasties i owe our most recent winners, but whatever. my home needs a name.

wooooooooooooo! another contest!

something creative, something elegant, something that makes me giggle. and your inspiration? behold: a photo tour of my manor. clicky for biggie, as there are captions.

April 17, 2007
miss kendra goes to the zoo

so my friend, the world-famous d'mang, came to LA last weekish to help me move and hangout and generally see what the deal with california is. in the spirit of misskendraluck(tm) of course, it was grey skies and wildfires all week, and since i was still on crutches for most of his stay, he also had to do all sorts of crap like help with my laundry and listen to me moan about my grocery store scooter/cart contraption being toooooo slooooow. amish people get places faster. much faster.

apart from all the tedium of moving etc, we did do some interesting things, like see a fabulous burlesque show and go to my favorite club (behold, drunken backseat artsy photographer me!) and eat about 3492867 burritos, and then on a whim, we went to the (also) world-famous san diego zoo, where i rented yet another scooter, and let me tell you. there is no complaining about the scooter speed at the zoo. that thing could take out a swarm of kindergarteners in .06 seconds. in fact i kept trying, but kindergartners are so wiggly you know.

at the zoo we saw many many things, including a fresh elephant poo and some mildly disturbing birdsecks. also things like meerkats (verdict: cute), madagascar's famous fosa (verdict: cute) and tapirs (verdict: very creepy independently moving nose). there were plenty of people too ignorant and lazy to read the signs, even to their inquisitive children, and so i learned through my magnificent eavesdropping powers that this is a "rare" banana snake and this is a "common" black bear. we also saw lots of people who are apparently blind to the handicapped, as they would stand or walk directly in front of my scooter as if it were not there. this made for some heart-pounding moments in which i had to decide if i should suddenly BRAKEexclamationpoint! or just run down those dumb fuckers like they deserved.

mostly i braked. mostly.

we also saw some pandas.

this panda, like all pandas, sleeps and eats.
that is all. no matter how long you stand there.

and camels

yes, i know camels aren't that special.
but i like them, so shove it.

and a beautiful family of giraffe

this is the adolescent. quite the pinup, no?

and a playful rhinoceros

he's playing tetherball i think. he's not that good.

and one of my favorites, the hiphopapotamus

his name is jabba. he is fat.
he is ok with it.

just look at his blissed out buddha face.

we also saw gorillas (one came right up to the glass and laid down in front of it like he was displaying himself at a wake. he just laid there, in traditional burial pose.)

and the monkeys:

not to be outdone by some gorilla,
the one on the left there presented her swollen genitals
to the other (and to us) just before this photo was taken.
after her rejection (thank god) she shrugged and commenced picking nits.

now this last one is really spectacular. oh yes it is. (channeling monkey?)

you know i am not a fan of birds, but d'mang wanted to check out the aviary- it's one of the largest i hear- and so i and my speedy scooter obliged. i even maybe liked some of what i saw, pausing to take this picture of a fancypants blue-crowned pigeon, as it was rather lovely.

but see this photo did not quite capture what i was hoping for,
which is why i was so suprised when the damn bird turned,
looked at me pointedly and then FLEW DIRECTLY AT MY HEAD.
it was like this... go on, guess who's who.
the bird just did not want its picture taken!
needs rehab! bad crown day!

c/o natalie dee.

April 11, 2007
the unbearable something of being

i have not been here because i have not been here. i cannot post because i haven't posted.

nothing seems suitable, i am not interested in anything at all.

for a long time i thought i would be A Writer, but aside from what i have written here in the last two years, i have written nothing at all. i was (am?) quite good- i included it in my Identity- and now that i am without it, i struggle to understand where it has gone.

i am in a phase again. i don't know what it's about, or how i came into it. i feel as if i have so much to do that i will never be done. daily the list grows and i accomplish so little. i am overwhelmed by guilt when i am sitting on my couch. i make lists, as if that will help me to control what there is to do, but there is just so much and no time and no money.

i am tired, and yet i struggle to sleep.

in a month i should be able to walk normally, without the boot. in a month i should be able to have my debut, and yet i think i may have lost my nerve. the other night i was out at a bar and found myself quite sensitive to the stares of others. don't look at me, please. your eyes burn mine.

this is my first week alone in my apartment. i feel pressure to feel something about it. i'm worried that i will spend the entire weekend inside without speaking to anyone.

i need to lose ten pounds. i need to stop worrying about ten pounds.

julius is sick again. nimoy's ear is red. tonight i will begin another course of antibiotics and hope it's enough to keep them out of the vet's office until i get paid.

i want a bicycle. i think that riding the boardwalk might clear me out some, might put me back inside my body instead of my mind.

April 02, 2007
i am not a monkey

try as i might, i'm just not.

i am alive, the move went well. i am on my way to a passover seder, and at some point this week i hope to tell you more about my move and my new apartment.

you are awesome, i am a slacker.

golden state