March 12, 2007
winners! we're all winners!

i know, i suck so hard lately. i haven't been blogging like, at all. but here's the thing- it's not so much the broken ankle that blows, but more so the not being able to walk or carry anything because my hands are full of crutches and vicodin.

and there's also the gigantor muscle knot stuck way down inside my hot overheating death cast where i can't do anything to help it. that too.

since mostly i just sit on the couch, i made this little video with my camera where you can see my drug of choice, complete with me whining (ultra-sexily) for more at the end. i am a junkie.

at some point this week i will regale you with my apartment hunting foibles (foibles? really?), but right now we have some contest crap to deal with. you can read all the entries in the comments of my previous post, and then come back here for some well thought out (and not at all hasty or slapdash) responses:

faith: i never knew you thought i was so sexxxxxy. i mean, i am. but i didn't know you knew.

jurgen nation: bryan adams signed my cast? actually, when i was eleven (maybe) i stepped on a rusty rake and had to have my foot bandaged and some tetanus shots and that was the summer of "all for love (robin hood)" and i would have totally been wayyyyy into this story then. not that i'm not now. but then, i would fight for you...i'd lie for you, walk the wire for you, i'd die for you... you know it's true

everything i do


i do it for you

: sex whilst sky diving does not seem like something i would do. i am not outdoorsy. except that one time. surely you are projecting, you ham hussy.

kathy: sting is incredibly unsexy to me. i'm sorry, and i know that many many women disagree, but i find him sort of icky. he's too wirey, and also old. and also mooshy.

spinnerina: scrimshaw! rickshaw! narwhal! siamese twins! shetland pony!

: the assailant was mighty furry, now that you mention it. are you watching me?

jiggs casey
: a dozen kittens?!?!?!? you know the way to my heart.

: britney spears needs a friend. poor poor girl. let's have her over for tea.

monkey: my foot was a banana table? AND they pooped? i did not issue the proper permits for this sort of foot usage!

: scut farkas can kiss my butt.

acw:- is this a threat?

: hotglue would never work- it becomes brittle when dry! but mega points for mentioning leonard nimoy.

Hal I Burton
: the cast of full house? really? sure the stamos part was cool, but he was so last year on this blog.

pink sara: i don't want to be achilles! then i have to make out with my man servant. oh, wait. hmmm.

sarah smile
: yes. the terrible and most fearsome candygram. i mean land shark.

uccellina: this is incredibly true to life, and the use of rhyme is admirable. now take those smarty pants off and share with the rest of us.

princess: i was peeping on the hoff? i'm blind! i didn't realize my readers thought so poorly of my taste in men.

: this seems highly plausible, as patrick swayze is definitely of questionable niceness.

: lies, all lies.

pants: richard marx and gary coleman in one fell swoop? there is a small part of me (no pun intended) that prefers emmanuel lewis, but still, you kill me.

the roy
: i like the part with the shoes best, just a touch more than when i kick the crap out of everyone. and fyi, i actually own leopard shoes. they're very awesome.

: braless unicorns? chocha? i love you.

10. i hate you.
9. he never called. again, hating.
8. now loving.
7. little person, todd. little person in a gimp suit.
6. i have never been to red lobster.
5. ike turner can suck it.
4. from a dude on the median at fairfax and venice! offramp shopping = bad idea.
3. YES.
2. poor poor britney.
1. best response ever.

so here's the thing- since i have so many stories, and truthfully, have another two weeks atleast in this godforsaken medical ugg, i will be needing multiple stories with which to amuse myself at the expense of the gullible masses.

thus, several winners.




tits mcgee!

and the only winning penis-weilder (that i am aware of anyways, and i don't mean to make assumptions), yournamehere!

hooray! PRIZES!!!

those aren't your actual prizes- those are some that i made special for a certain other group of ladies (watch the mail bitchez). you will be receiving your own custom pasties just as soon as i can get my butt to the pastie supply store. except todd, who was offered man pasties, but declined in favor of a tchotchke.

a pastie on a shelf is a tchotchke. just saying.


Blogger yournamehere said...

That was some sexy whining!

Oh, and I'm doing a victory dance right now. Suck it, losers!

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I was skeered to even (proverbially) throw my hat in the ring. You got yourself some pretty creative (and funny!) readers.

HEY - My word ver is Cayou! Isn't that the Canadian Charlie Brown?!!!

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Btw, is it wrong of me to be aroused by the boyeeez' licking of each other? No wonder you don't invite me to visit.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

yayyyy! pasties and tschotchke's (sp?) for all of us!!! We are all equally fabu!


ps Move your legs to avoid blood clots. Not to scare you, it happened to my twin sis.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Bones are gonna snap!!!

::slap:: ::tickle::

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I can't believe yournamehere didn't want man pasties.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I cannot believe that. You poor thing! Just thinking about it makes me want a vodka tonic the size of my head.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Ohmigod!


I. Am. In. Heaven.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I would like pictures of all female winners (and the author of this blog) wearing pasties. That would be a prize.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I would like pictures of Todd in his pasties as well.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Why, Brooke? You didn't come in dead last, did you?

Blogger Uccellina said...

Pasties? Awesome. I'll toast to that with a Buttery Nipple.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I think I'm in love with Leonard Nimoy.

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

I hope you start with yarmulkes for my pasties. I'm so happy you picked me!!

I want more Brokeback Kitty footage.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I would stay to comment, but I just saw my youngest run past the basement window.

Blogger Nick said...

I have no idea what's going on...

Blogger Beeb said...

Was that your hairy leg????

Blogger April said...

damn...too late to get any prizes!

Blogger Rrramone said...

so i'm really bummed that i didn't get in on the contest so i could win some prizes. oh well.

love the video, my 2 cats do that all the time. and the hairy knee at the end did sort of spoil the mood. ;-)

Blogger la dolce said...

lolz, applause!

Blogger Monkey said...

Aside from being worried about Übermilf's youngest, I am falling in love again with your felines. What grace, what dedication to bathing, what furriness!

In other news:

I'm better! Finally! After two weeks of feverish sleeping, hacking, wheezing, mucus wielding... I'm better! Sing praises.

Missed you.

Blogger MadMeer said...

I hate it when I disappear and reappear with no idea of what is going on.

It was sexy whining though.

Blogger Monkey said...

I keep coming over here for all my kitty porn needs.

Blogger Libby said...

Dood. I apparently have been missing out whilst I was trapped in dial-up hell.

And I am jealous of the pastie goodness being spread. And the hot crutches.

All I got is bail this weekend.:)

(And you have no idea how many times I had to refresh the comments to make the word verification magically appear instead of the little red X. At least 2. And on dial-up, that's nasty business.)

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