February 05, 2007
accidents happen

so lots of things are happening, and i don’t just mean in my pants. oooooh, that’s right. i said that. seriously though, there’s nothing going on in my pants. unless you count my cute undies. they have sparkles. green sparkles!!!

first, i should tell you that i got a raise. that’s pretty much what enables all the recklessness below. that and me selling my ovaries on ebay. little kendras for everyone! wooooooooo!

i have developed an addiction to turkey bacon. it’s quite serious, and i’m a little worried for my safety. what will i do when i run out??? it could be anything.

the other day i went to buy spirit gum (for to apply my shiny new sequined pasties, which i made last week on my sick day) and i accidentally bought a wig. it kind of took me by surprise- one minute i was standing there in my regular hair, and the next i was handing over my creditcard. i think i was roofied. anyway, it’s totally sexy and i think i might start wearing it all the time. with my pasties. because they rule.

whilst we are discussing the pasties, you should know i have chosen a burlesque name and debut performance. here is where you come in: i need knitters. i need to knit a certain very important piece of my costume, which i of course can do, BUT… i need probably 20 of them. it’s a cheap, quick knit… i believe you’ll need two caron’s one pounds and size 15 24” circs. i will reimburse for yarn if it’s a concern… anyway, let me know if you’re interested. when i have a completed costume (which i will then be taking off) i will post pictures, and debut my persona here. you want to be around for that, knitting or no. do not mess with the burlesque broad. she will cut you. paper cut you!

someone help me.

anyway, besides the evolution-paced construction of my costume (we’re not even close to walking upright), and the continued dance classes i want to finish before i debut- you know, to insure the ass-shaking is executed properly- there’s also a little matter of completing my ginormous tattoo. i’m not going out there like a half finished coloring book. so part of my new year’s resolutions (Year of Me, wooooooo!) was to finish the damn thing. because burlesque is not as sexy when i am holding my hand over my side tightly, as if my routine is a duel wherein i have just been shot. go on. just go- it’s all over- they got me. and scene.

so i’ve been going pretty regularly for work on my ginormous tattoo, and it’s coming along rather nicely. sneak preview i went on saturday though, and jay thought maybe we should take a little break from it for a week. but i was already there. so what was i to do? jay is in the valley. the VALLEY. i was not just turning around and going home.

which is how i accidentally got a new tattoo. one minute i was standing there all innocent like, with only (counting) nine tattoos, and the next i had taken a giant leap towards tattooedladydom. i was probably roofied. at least it’s not of turkey bacon.



23 Comments:

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I am going to draw tattoos on a picture of me. With crayons.

I'm chicken that way.

buk buk buk

Turkey bacon RULZ.

gobble gobble gobble

over & out.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

FIRST!!!

and SECOND!!! Bitchez!

Blogger yournamehere said...

I prefer the devil. Go figure.

Blogger Uccellina said...

I need another tattoo.

Blogger Melina said...

you make me want to go get more. PS.I hate Picassa tonight because I can't see the work in progress :(

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Ooooooooooooooooooooh!!!! I *love* your new ink!!!! And the sneak preview was *really* a sneak, huH?!

Anyhoo, I'd like to help with your *very important piece* of your costume, as long as you're not in a big, fat hurry to get it done. I think, after next week, I'm actually going to have a break in the over due projects.

And if you tried to reimburse me for Caron's, I'd have to slap you.

AND, Am *I* the ONLY ONE who has to first log into Blogger (twice - one for blogger, one for google) BEFORE I CAN LEAVE A COMMENT?!?!?!?!

Blogger Brookelina said...

I'm concerned for your well-being. Hold me.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Lincoln has better cleavage than I do.

Anonymous Annika said...

I LOVE IT.

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

Me too. Me too. I want new ink too.
I'm a slow knitter so I'm probably not the best candidate for your costume, but I will try if you'd like.

Anonymous Frank said...

I'll contribute to the Burlesque Knit Along! Woohoo... Knitted pasties... Oh wait, you already have pasties...

Blogger jiggs said...

I remember you mentioning that you wanted to get a big tattoo in the area where you got your winged hearts. Is this the first phase of something larger?

Blogger Cookie said...

I want to help!! I have 8 hours a day at work with which to knit. Seriously. I am knitting in between blogging.

I hope it's something dirty. I've never knitted anything dirty yet.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I really want to take a sick day with you.

Your call to knitters for help creating a burlesque costome sounds like the perfect project to bring me out of my knitting hibernation.

Blogger Tel said...

Turkey bacon is delicious.

I would please like to see your ink in person.

Blogger Übermilf said...

The only thing I can knit is my brow. But you have all my good wishes.

Anonymous Cj said...

I will knit something for you. Not well, but whatever.

Is this going to be one of those times where it's the thought that counts? Because most of the things I knit for people end up being thoughtful...and that's it. So if you are willing to roll the dice on this, I am willing to send something to you that may look similar to what you asked me to knit. Similar, and thoughtful, but not neccessarily functional.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I want to lick you like a lollipop.

Seriously, you're delicious.

Blogger slappy said...

For some reason the first bit reminded me of the crow in Secret of NIMH. Ooh, sparklies!

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

I love the tattoo so much I wanna marry it.

What do you need me to knit? Email me.

Wait...I want to guess...

Is it a cock warmer?

Blogger amera hearts said...

have i ever mentioned how much i LOVE reading your blog?

can't wait for the pics of the new outfit!

if i could knit, i would help you, but alas, i don't know how to knit.

Blogger ladylinoleum said...

I luv you, turkey bacon, green sparkly undies, pasties and all.

Anonymous stephanie said...

I like to eat turkey bacon after getting a tattoo.

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