since i haven't met or conjured or electronically created my milk-giving egg-laying wool pig (yet), i have been taking things into my own hands. literally. until disaster! catastrophe! and oh the horror! my tiny fingertip vibrator broke and i spent about ten minutes trying different batteries, repeatedly switching the positive/negative ends and ignoring the visibly broken part, clearly illustrating my vast knowledge of tekmology.
and then the most surreal few moments of my life... wherein my incredibly estranged exboyfriend calmed me, turned on the overhead light, and began stripping the wires for to solder them back together.
somebody find me that pig before i go completely crazy.