a very merry

today is my blog-iversary, and i had planned on unveiling a new design, but alas, i am dumb and cannot make it work how i wanted.

so the melon stays.

in other news, i am slowly going insane. i still have no job and television is getting old. so very very old. i took all the keys off my keyboard and wiped them and popped them back on. first i lined them up on the couch and pretended to type a manifesto.

and that was monday. imagine how bored i am now.

bored enough to do memes! woo!

first, a movie meme! exclamation point!

the rules:
A. pick 11 of your favorite movies.
B. then pick one of your favorite quotes from each movie.
C. post the quotes on your blog.
D. have commenters guess what the movie is.
E. extra points for knowing the actor or character’s name.
F. answers to be posted later

1. "one scoop of creamed potatoes. a slice of butter. four peas. and as much ice cream as you'd like to eat."

2. "i just like to smile. smiiling's my favorite."

3. "sidecars are for bitches." (tied with "well, you forgot and now jelly's dead.")

4. "my god. i haven't been fucked like that since grade school."

5. "you want to be a little bird and get a little worm? just lie down and peep." (tied with, "back and forth. forever.")

6. "don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? you wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?"

7. "haven't you seen boyz n the hood? now one of us is going to get shot."

8. "anybody want a peanut?"

9. "now let's cut the stupid cake because i know the fat guy's gonna have a heart attack if we don't eat again soon."

10. "even a big bitch cockroach like you should know... never, but never, fuck with the king."

11. "i can't believe you did it. i was teasing. i loved you. course, i was coming up here to kill ya... "



and now.... a music meme! i have no capacity for spontaneous thought these days.

1. choose a band/artist: liz phair

2. answer each question using the title of a song by that band/artist.

3. are you male or female: girls! girls! girls!

4. describe yourself: firewalker

5. how do some people feel about you? mesmerizing

6. how do you feel about yourself? why can't i

7. describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: friend of mine

8. describe current boyfriend/girlfriend: 6'1"

9. describe where you want to be: perfect world

10. describe how you live: dogs of LA

11. describe how you love: fuck and run

12. what would you ask for if you had just one wish? shitloads of money

13. share a few words of wisdom: good love never dies

14. now say goodbye: divorce song

endorsement!

i am not saying you should buy/use/name-your-child-after these particular products/services/places, but either way, i was tired of looking at the bitter topper on this bloggy cake, and so here is something that pleases me.




while we're at this commercial stuff, youtube has restored my faith in the internets. it has given me back the dancing boxer guy. because seriously? i love him.



YAY!

it never ends

just when i thought it was safe to breathe, i get a call from the unemployment people.

the ex-boss is protesting my claim, saying all kinds of untruths about me and my employment there, like that i took too much sick time and instant messaged all day and was generally unpleasant.

so.

now i am in danger of not getting any unemployment, which could suck really fucking bad in about a week when my rent is due. i hope that interview i had monday pans out... or that the job i sent my resume in to today does... because i don't want to have to go through this again. i just want to work somewhere decent, where the boss isn't always trying to get me into his office or saving p0rn to the shared folder of the network.

why isn't there any way for me to make his feel as bad as i do?

and incase this post wasn't as uplifting as you had hoped, please visit the post below, or just skip me altogether and hit up the omg ponies people.

dictation

i said dick!!!

anyway, to answer a question, yes i have done some knitting etc these last few days. i've been working on some holiday gifts, to make sure they'll be done in time.

this is a shawlie doohickey i'm making. it's cotton, and is taking forever. when i block it, it will open up and the pattern will be hypnotizing. either that or it will look like crap and i'll send it anyway because she's obligate to like it. i made it just for her.




and this is a scarfy thing i'm making. it's a shiny spiral. it looks weird hanging in the picture, but it's pretty cool in person. i am making a swirlie hat to match it, and if she doesn't like it, she can send it back because i think it's pretty cool. i was thinking that maybe i will learn to double knit and do one that's black on the outside and white on the inside and then i can go around throwing it at people and shouting, "you are in the twilight zone!"





i also made a prize for jiggs casey, which i cannot show you because i have not sent it yet, and am currently working on a testament to nick's awesomeness, because he is awesome. dangerously so.

so, now that you know what i'm up to, i should probably get back to it.

'cause you know i'm awfully busy... busy like fox!

no wait, that's not right. oh well. must be all the martinis and blow.

junk

Boy's flight home was delayed and now he might be stuck in detroit overnight.

i am hot. it is hot here.

i had an interview today and i think it went well.

i have nothing interesting to say.

i am thinking about ending the blog because of this.

i would probably still read yours.

coconut sorbet tastes like the frosty breath of angels. with pineapple chunks, it makes me want to rub up against things.

i am pissed off because i did not win tickets to see the afoostic tour, and now if i want one it will cost me $200.

or i could drive to berkeley and see them for $50, plus about 800 miles (roundtrip) worth of gas.

the dryer is making scary sounds and i think i smell burning. yet, i do not get up.

i eat therefore i am

i am alive in case you were wondering. my life has bee consumed of late with very important things, like painting my toenails and the style network's 21 day wedding party.

Boy left last night for connecticut to retrieve me a spinning girl go to a wedding, actually. he will be gone until monday. i plan on doing some sewing, continuing with my knitting, and also more of the same. there's a week left of this all weddings-all the time stuff.

also, because food pleases me, here is a totally non-comprehensive list of the things i will be eating during that time:

onion bagels
tofu cream cheese
szechuan beef
spaghetti and meatballs (at least three times)
cauliflower
salami
turkey pepperoni
diet coke
nilla wafers
grapes
a burrito
cheerios
corn chex
puffins
peanut butter and grape jelly on crackers
a hot dog
mango

those of you who attend stich n' bitch on thursdays with me will notice a significant lack of donut.

i'm saving myself for the tiny miracles Boy will be bringing back to me, because he wants to be allowed into the apartment.

too bad you can't really travel with blue vanilla or mmmm. sorry, i know that wasn't english, but i don't really have need for language or spelling (or clothes) what with the unemployment and all.

for the next five days i *do* have a job, though. a very important job. and i apologize, but the boss says i have to go, because that list isn't going to eat itself.

public service announcment

it occured to me yesterday that people read this blog.

of course i knew that, but there are people who lurk and troll about that i am not completely aware of. some of those people, i'm sure, read of my misery and engage in a little schadenfreude.

which really is okay, because who doesn't like a little schadenfreude now and again, but then again some people do not just revel in my sadness; they judge me based upon it.

silently, they take stock of the few things they know of my life, and they pass a judgment.

well.

fuck you, judgy mcjudgy motherfuckers.

thank you. we now return to our regular programming.

is it too early to hit the crack pipe?

i just got fired.

i've never been fired before. it feels jiggly in my stomach, like bad meat.

he told me that he didn't think he could tolerate my attitude any longer and i told him that my attitude was based on the fact that his comments and computer full of p0rn made me uncomfortable. he denied any knowledge, and then he let me go.

also the hospital has sent all of my past due bills from the car accident to collections, so i am beginning to receive the phone calls and the scary things in the mail with the large numbers and high percentage rates.

all in all, i think i need a drink.

and a nap. i haven't been sleeping for fear that i would have get up and go to work in the morning.

seriously, after 25 years of constant turmoil, can i please catch a break? is there nothing i can do right? i'm very close to packing up my stupid car that i bought and don't own with all of my crap and my cat and driving back to massachusetts where i can crawl into bed and cry.

but that won't work either, because my parents are very practical people and they will want me to get up and go look for a job but i'm tired of looking for jobs it 's all i've done for a whole fucking year now and i can't find one that sounds like it won't make me miserable and i'm so tired of nothing being anything like what i want or need or deserve and maybe i should check myself into a hospital so finally i can just sleep but i don't have any insurance so that's not going to happen either.

so yes. drink.

i'm sober, goddammit

i'm sober and have been for days now.

unfortunately i have also been feeling somewhat under the weather, between the fluid in my ears and the stomach discomfort and the unending sideshow of horrors that is my place of employment.

will someone in los angeles please JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING JOB?????

one that requires moderate brain usage and doesn't close out the week with a routine file search that returns copious amounts of porn?

unless my job is at playboy or some shit, which is cool, hef, if you're reading this. (hire me! i'm smart!)

either way, i'm seriously hitting the bottom here. i'm ready to go apply at starbucks or something and spend my days in bed listening to morrisey and applying layers of black eyeliner.

it could happen. i bought liquid and kohl stick just in case.

right this minute

i am so fucking drunk.

i just walked the dog in a wife beater and boy shorts but noone is awake but me.

i am so drunk and tired and drunk.


please come get me.