December 12, 2006
wonder of wonders!

miracle of miracles! broke up with Boy (thank god) and then-
wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, fit into my jeans again!

that’s right, children. we are experiencing our second christmas miracle of the season. one more, and i'm ready for canonization. first was the enchanted silver shoes that-- despite being a measly size nine-- fit comfortably on my oversized hagrid feet. BUT! even more impressive than that… the second miracle: today i have been restored to my full luster. i am polished and sparkling like new, breathtaking and resplendent in my numinous glory, for i am wearing the Hot Ass Jeans.

these jeans are astonishing. they give me the illusion of a fine booty where, truthfully speaking, there is but a mediocre one. i paid a whole lot of money for those jeans based solely on their tremendous repertoire of ass magic. sadly, over the last year (and in direct correlation with the snowball-like decline of my relationship), i grew somewhat larger and so the jeans were relegated to the depths of my diy-assembly particleboard armoire, never to be seen again.

UNTIL… this very day, as i dressed for work and mused aloud how nice it would be to have jeans of such caliber once again, and then removed them lovingly from their place of rest at the bottom of the pants pile, and was heartened by the feel of their soft denim in my hands and so timidly slipped one leg on just to see… then LO! by your powers combined, (earth! fire! wind! water! heart!!!!!!) i am captain planet!

you know, if captain planet were totally cute and single and up for parading his sweet behind all about town. and it’s ok if he is. i don’t judge.



25 Comments:

Blogger Sachi said...

yay!!!

Blogger Uccellina said...

Congratulations! Watch out for gropers.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe it's good to be cashless...less eating out...more fitting into skinny jeans. Congrads!

You give me inspiration! One day I, too, will fit into my super cool vintage clothes (boxed) from my super cool past life!

Blogger yournamehere said...

Yay for hot ass jeans!

Blogger Brookelina said...

You are sofa king awesome.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

I'm going to have a drink to that.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

hmm... my jeans are getting snug, maybe if I dump the boy then I will fit in them again!
also, I can sing the entire Captain Planet theme song by heart. I am that big of a nerd.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I've been told that my comment was too tame. Here are a few alternatives:

I bet all of your tops are "Hot Tit Shirts".

or

Speaking of your magic ass, I have something I'd like it to make disappear.

Were those better?

Blogger Nick said...

I vote for #2, Todd. You sick bastard.

My gift arrived.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

*drools*

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Everybody knows that Captain Planet likes dudes.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I hope you bend over a lot at work today. Strategically.

Blogger me said...

congratueffinglations....

that's a magnanimous occasion and i hope you celebrated it with lots of sparkles and cookies and othr things of that nature

hoorah!

Blogger TinaPoPo said...

God I wish I could fit into my skinny jeans. They sit in my closet and mock me whilst I don things with elastic waistbands.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Skinny jeans? What the frick are those?! I've moved 3 times since the last time I was anything approaching skinny, so any such jeans have been given to the truly hungry.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What brand are these magical jeans of which you speak?

Me, being obsessed with the booty but sorely lacking one of my own, must know!

Blogger amera hearts said...

i expected a picture of you in these miracle jeans and was dissapointed.....no picture :(

you make me want to lose weight. i think i'll go eat a peppermint bar instead.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

PICTURES, please!

Also, 20,000 points to you for quoting Fiddler on the Roof.

Oh, and please drop by because I received my holidaygoodness (!!!) and have posted a pictorial ode in your honor.

Blogger Sysm said...

Like you could be more beautiful.

Blogger Monkey said...

Todd's comment is deliciously disgusting. And I love him for it.

Congratulations! Ahh... the feel of soft denim. Like Übermilf, I hope you had plenty of opportunities to bend over, pin up style.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

The return to life changing jeans is the best- hooray!

Ps. Holiday goodness cheered me up on Saturday night when I desperately needed it. Miss K, you f'ing rock!

Anonymous Meg said...

I got the package! It's beautiful! Who knew you could knit THAT well? Jesus, woman, you need to start your own shop in LA!

Thank you so much for the gift, I LOVE IT! :-D

Meg

Blogger Kris said...

Good for you, rock star. This post is intoxicating!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praise be! It is the Christmas miracle! You're already a saint in my book, missy.

Blogger jiggs said...

good work k.

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