December 06, 2006
engage!*

this morning i put on my lucky socks and they had a hole in them. then i got to work and my favorite fish in our tank (the puffer) was dead. had these two things occurred in anyone else’s life, we could safely assume they were unrelated, but since this is me, i feel i must say sorry, fishie. my stupid socks killed you.

in other news, holiday goodness has commenced!

all gifts have been shipped, unless they are being handed off (and you know who you are.) some were sent via fedex, and those should arrive within 4-7 days. some were sent airmail to canadia, and those should also arrive in 4-7 days. the majority were sent priority mail, and so those should be in your paws by monday at the latest. a select few are being delivered via pony express, and one is actually a portkey. like i’ve said, i’m very crafty.

thank you so so so so much to those of you who have donated to the very official holiday goodness disbursement fund. your kindness knows no bounds, and you should know that i love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. you should also know i’m listening to k-earth 101. those of you who have not yet donated can still earn my undying affections via the button in the post here.

but you should by no means feel guilty if you are not able to donate, because, hello? i'm poor, so if anyone understands, it's me.

and if you weren’t on the list this year, pay closer attention when i ask who wants goodness next year. because next year, instead of cvs giftcards, i’m doing coupons for little debbie cakes or maybe pickles. i’m not sure yet. maybe both.

since i cannot be there in person to witness your joy, i have inserted tiny spy cams into each gift. the feeds go directly to my computer. people sometimes lie and say they like things, but really don't. so i want to see your cute little faces. the only reason i'm warning you is because while i want to see your most visceral reaction, i do not want to see your naked parts. so WARNING: do not open sans pants.

please let me know when your goodness arrives, so i can watch the momentous event. also, so i do not die of worry, and you know the worrying has already begun.

*i am a dork.



24 Comments:

Blogger Nick said...

God I hope mine is the portkey. I would die!

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Is mine the pony express?
It is, isn't it?

It's so fitting.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

And I'm very sorry about your fish.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

And the socks.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

And all these comments.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Hooray for holiday goodness!

At first I thought the title of this post was "Engaged" and you were going to tell the tale of a whirlwind romance.

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

i'm sorry that we are the poor. i would love nothing better than to be your sugar mama. we recently did a heart scan of the leon? which is probably important. but maddening because he was fucking fine. but still important to check, right? can we say that it was a fortune? probably not. because that would piss me off.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Being poor sucks. Someday we will be too rich and too thin. We will eat bon-bons all day and then throw them up. Oh the times we will have!

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE AWAY PICKLES?!?!?!?!? I'll take him!! I love me some Pickles.

Oh, wait. I already have one incontinent boy. nevermind.

Yay for your holiday goodness. I'm impressed that you can still celebrate the season, despite being one of us working poor. You are my hero.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Oh, and yes, you are a dork. I (heart) dorks.

Blogger miss kendra said...

nick: but i don't want you to die. also, where would you go?

sarah: i hope someone gave him a proper burial. he was a good fish. very fishie.

yournamehere: whirlwind romance? never. i am so afraid of dating that i am seriously considering a burqua.

robiewan: this is a no guilt zone. i'm glad the leon is ok.

brookie: can i eat bonbons? do they make vegan ones? or maybe the non-vegan ones will be easier for me to throw up.

monkeygurrrl: no, i meant coupons for pickles. not pickles the dog. but we can talk.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Wait. You seriously don't want to see my boobs?

Blogger miss kendra said...

tits: i said pants.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I solemnly swear NOT to dress like Britney Spears when I open your gift.

I hope I got the portkey. It's been too long, my friend.

Blogger Tim said...

I didn't feel worthy to ask for goodness this year, but I won't be able to resist the pickles next year.

Blogger me said...

your fish must have met the same end as kramer becasue for all intensive purposes it's best to believe they tried to escape to find their parents.

thats what i tell myself at night so i can sleep.

yay goodness! boo being poor! boo job interviews!

Blogger Uccellina said...

I am sorry about your socks, but do not think that holes necessarily eliminate an item from the wardrobe. To wit: I am currently wearing brown tights with two holes at the toe and one near the crotchal area. But they are my only brown tights, and I am poor, and no one can see the holes. No one will ever even know about them unless I do something stupid like mention them on the internet.

Blogger jiggs said...

It's unfortunate that you have the camera in the gift because when I get it, there's a fairly good chance I'll poop myself from the excitement and I wouldn't want you to see that.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

I figure it should be a short trip for the holiday goodies to my house... Maybe I'll go check the mail now!

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

OH MY GOODNESS!!

it arrived!!!

Thank you so much!

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

ooh goody!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have just now realized that you are a trekkie, and thus more perfect than previously thought (which was pretty damn perfect). Marry me.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Got mine Saturday and it's awesome! But our door where we hang cards is rated PG, and your card was PG 13 so I had to hide it under the mattress.

Blogger karla said...

I just donated, and let me tell you, you're going to be BLOWN AWAY at the generosity of my contribution. It's embarassing, really. But what can I say, I'm a very wealthy woman.

(PS: It's $2.00.)

WOW!

PS: Still loving the goodies. (And no, that was not a double entendre.)

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