November 30, 2006
wherein i am a paper doll

have you ever seen that show “how do i look?” it’s hosted by blossom's step mom (public service announcement: do not name your child finola) and is pretty much boring, but i like the part where they make the poor victim makeover candidate dance around in outfits allegedly chosen by friends, but that were (quite obviously) actually chosen by a blind carnie in some sort of zombie-hobo themed dart game.

usually i like the shoes. zombie hobos are notorious for their taste in shoes.

my point is: this post is where i dance around in front of my camera so that you can see the bare-bones of my potential holiday ensembles. i say bare-bones because there are purses not pictured (well, not made yet actually) and of course you should know that my hair and makeup will be much more involved, probably ending up something like this:

but you know, with some flowers or feathers or something.
and probably bigger.

the only reason i didn’t do my hair up for your benefit is that i wanted to you to take a moment in appreciation of this:

note the intense look of surprise (or whatever it is
that happens when you use self timers.)
is the pineapple really back?
where has is been?
did it find what it was looking for?

and now, our feature presentation.

option one: sequined pants

pros: hello, sequins!?!?!?! also, comfortable shoes.
shirt could end up black for a slimming
monochromatic effect.
this outfit requires a fascinator.

cons: is this more new year’s eve?
if so, i need to make plans immediately
because these pants demand attention
and copious amounts of liquor.
also, kissing.

option two: black velvet

pros: i look hot and thin.
in other news, this dress is soft and i want to pet myself.

cons: is this festive enough, or should it be
reserved for a potential date (see above)?

option three: goldfinger

pros: sparklie! very retro.
matching shoes and hair doodad.

cons: shoes aren’t the most comfy.
also, not sure i want to be remembered as
the girl in the naked dress.

option four: minty fresh

pros: sparklie! green!
matching shoes and hair doodad.
shoes are christmas miracle!*
*they’re a size nine. nine! and they still fit over my giant snowshoe feets!

cons: will i be warm and itchy in a wool & metallic dress?
dress needs to be altered (which I can do, so it’s not really a con).

option five: you wish

pros: coat can be trusted to stay on.

cons: i can not.

let the voting begin!

note: the coat is not actually an option. now take your hand out of your pants.


Blogger amera hearts said...

I vote for option 1. Why? because red look fab on you and this outfit adds more color to your overall look.

Option 2 was okay, but it wasjed you out and the other options were not for me.

I do like the coat idea though! That would be very daring. Wear a see through bra too! Just teasing!

Blogger amera hearts said...

ps. I really like the option 3 dress on you. It shows off your curves.

Blogger jiggs said...

I like the minty green one.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Firstly, I'm stealing all your clothes.
Secondly, no, I'm not really stealing your clothes because I could never rock them like you do.
Thirdly, the black velvet dress. They're all lovely, but I think I like that one best.

Blogger Sysm said...

The minty green looks fetching. And the shoes compliment the tattoo.

Keep the coat. You can use it for the post party "walk of shame."

Blogger Inky said...

Ok, lets add this one:

sequined pants (hello, cool!), comfy shoes (hi, a plus for NYE things which are notorious drunkathons and thus require comfy shoes), a black top AND the leopard coat. then you're covered if it's chilly (yea yea, LA is warm on NYE always so people watching the Rose Parade get all jealous and move to Cali)AND you can rock the coat sans clothing if the party calls for it. which it will, i'm sure!

I love the green one - it's sort of sparkly ice skating outfit-ish. and the black one - definitely date worthy if he is worthy. the gold one - too bland for a party, but nice for other stuff. great shoes. all about the shoes.

Blogger Faith said...

OK - what are you people thinking??? It's all about #6. There is no contest. You look totally H-O-T.

If not that one though and I had to pick something else (because really, you look great in all of them) I vote for black velvet because petting yourself in public is very hot.

Blogger Ellen Bloom said...

You have extremely hilarious friends, Miss Kendra.

The voice of experience (me) must go with Option #1. It's classic Christmas and sparkly. The comfy shoes are a plus, plus, plus! You'll be standing around for hours doling out cocktail chatter to your fans...must have comfy shoes. You may want to add a touch of Christmas Tree-Green to your outfit somewhere. Maybe a green sparkly pin or corsage, hair ornament, bracelet, socks, whatever.
The leopard coat will make an excellent topper for this ensemble. Have a faboo time.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I like both option 1 and 2, although I would add a sparkly brooch or something to number 2.

However, number 1 might be more comfortable. To me, it depends on the "fanciness" of the party. If it's fancy schmancy, I'd go with the dress.

Anonymous Allie without a blog said...

OOOO what about option 2 with a sparkly wrap?

Um BTW - Hi, I've been reading your blog for a long time now. (I came from craftster)

Blogger Brookelina said...

I vote for anything with the leopard shoes. You could wear a box with those shoes and look hot.

Hot I tell you!

word verification: ezubhe

Blogger Uccellina said...

I like the black velvet. Pettable (ible?) black velvet + spiked eggnog = Getting stroked by TheKennedy.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Minty Fresh!! You look soooo cute, and miracle shoes are not to be taken lightly.

I also like the naked dress, but maybe not for a company affair.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Option two! No, option one! Two! One! Two!

Those are my votes.

Anonymous brina said...

Velvet!! Veeellveett!!

Those shoes are hawt.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

First choice: 1 (exactly as pictured, with the red shirt), second choice: 4, third choice: 3. Save 2 for the date, and save 5 for me.

You sexy little minx.

Blogger Flying Pizza said...

You totally have to give us a tutorial for the pineapple. I covet it.

And is that a Tubey in the first picture ( If so, great job!

I vote for the coat. But if you want to cover your bits, I say black velvet.

Anonymous Annika said...

Wait - did you say where you'll be? That affects my vote. Also: Tubey?

Anonymous Bonanza JellyBean said...

The black dress...I love the black dress and the leopard shoes!

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

#2 for sure.
I seriously love you. It is becoming a syndrome.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Okay, you look hot in ALL of the outfits. Of course, I love option five, but I'd go with two. Oh yes I would.

Anonymous Gwen said...

I vote for sequins or velvet. Minty Fresh is too high-necked.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

option 2! black velevet - you look amazing in it!

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

I vote 1.

Blogger Lisa said...

I vote for #2 - it's sexy and flattering but not "trying too hard" at all.

And the SHOES! <3 the shoes! the shoes say "hey baby, if you try real hard, i might let you back me up against the photocopier." who doesn't want to send THAT message during the holidays?!?

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

I love them pretty.

However, I would go with the sparkly pants/red sweater ensemble for the holiday party. Not only is it festive, but you look smokin' hot and curvy. And...the comfy shoes. Although those are less of a priority for me because I normally get drunk, take my shoes off and throw them at people.

And the green dress when we go on our first date. (I don't put out on the first I can focus on admiring the pretty green dress.)

And then the leopard jacket and shoes for our second date.

Does that sound fair?

Blogger miss kendra said...

amera hearts: see through bra??? i was just going to go naked.

jiggs: minty green! you can borrow it if you'd like. it will compliment your hair nicely.

sarah smile: if you steal all my clothes, i'll be naked! and who wants to see that?

sysm: fetching! i'm so pleased when people notice the shoe to tattoo ratio.

inky: i'm thinking i might just have to bring them all and change throughout the night, like an awards show hostess.

faith: i pet myself in public all the damn time.

ellenbloom: (all one word) i agree that the hair ornament requires a certain amount of zazazou.

uber: i don't think it's fancy shmancy, but who knows. i can always impress everyone with my craftiness and make a whole new dress from cocktail napkins.

allie: hi! option two is so lovely... i need a little sparklie shrug or something. you're right.

brookie: it's settled then. i'll be wearing a box.

uccellina: spiked eggnog=death! eggs are bad bad bad!

laurieann: miracle shoes will smite me if i don't appreciate them properly.

moe: excellent. option two is doing better than i expected. i guess the photo is better than i thought.

brina: i love shoes.

tits: rowr! i'm saving five for you for sure! (i'm a minx!)

flying pizza: the pineapple's return (pineapple 2: electric boogaloo slash son of pineapple) deserves much celebration. it's ideal for people with large unruly hairs. a tutorial might be fun.

annika: it's not a tubey. but maybe i'll make one. it's at a bar/lounge/restaurant on sunset.

bonanza: the black dress loves you too. the shoes love only me. and only on cold days when my feet don't swell.

spinnerina: a syndrome??? is there any hope for a cure?

yournamehere: you'd go with any of them, anywhere they wanted you to.

gwen: highnecked is the new slutty.

nancy k: thank you!

acw: they might fit you.

lisa: i'm pretty sure i don't need shoes to say that for me. :)

sassy: deal. as long as you don't throw shoes at me.

Blogger Monkey said...

First, I categorically refuse to take my hand out of my pants.

Second, I'm concerned that the Pinapple chose to join the Krishnas for a while.

Third, I like Option #1 the best. Seriously hot. Option #2, the velvet, is my second choice, mostly for the self petting feature.

I'm going back to bed now.

Blogger Colleen said...

Velvet dress with some festive sparklage!

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Who wants to see that, you ask?
Was that rhetorical question, or should I ask for a show of hands?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyone will want to pet you in the velvet dress!

Blogger JenL said...

Hurray for the sequined pants! But I think they scream New Year's Eve (or a night out in SF with the girls) to me.

The velvet dress is fabulous and you look amazing in it, so that gets my vote.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the black dress.

Anonymous Miss Sarah said...

I just wanted to thank you for the past half hour I spent reading your blog - loved it. I say go with the black dress and add a red velvet choker with poinsetta on it....

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the sequined pants! You look really good in all of the outfits though...tough one.

Blogger karla said...

I'm all about options 1 and 2...but seriously, 3 is a knockout as well. All I ask is that you go braless and wear a button that says, "I AM the mistletoe: Get under me and start kissing."

Blogger me said...

option two option two...

you look sexy and sophisticated all in one... sexy!


Blogger Sachi said...

You know, you're so damned sexy that it hurts a little. I think absolutely every one of those outfits are a major winner.

Bonus: My verification word is LAWAR Heehee!

Blogger scum said...

One or two... Either way, you'll get laid... Err, wait.

Yeah, number 1 for the party. Save two for the date.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I don't know if it's too late to vote, but I go for #2, also. It's classy and sexy, and since this is your first holiday party with this bunch, it's better to act demurely (and shock the hell outta them next year!!!) #2 with some bling. Definitely.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Velvet! For the petting!

ALso love sequined pants, because YOU PROMISED you'd wear them to dinner a couple of months ago, and I'm still smarting over your failure to do so. Then again you looked so adorable that night, it made up for it. Almost.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #1 and #2.

You're the hotesestststststst

Blogger AMS said...

Id go for one or maybe 2 with a red necklace or something!

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