October 30, 2006
yet another step towards crazy-catlady-ness

i went to a halloween party on saturday night and about half an hour into standing around like an idiot, it dawned on me that i hated this party, probably because as a general rule, i hate all parties.

i am a fairly entertaining person, and i can amuse just about anyone in a one-on-one or small group situation, but a party of this nature is not my scene. people i don't know want to talk to me about asinine things, invade my personal space and dance all up on me. the talking part is just a segue into the reckless humping part, and i am not pro-reckless humping. i do not know how to relate to men of this nature. example:
seemingly harmless guy dressed as vampire attempts to start conversation, and i really have no idea how this happened, but i somehow steer the conversation towards equestrian fetishes.

it was a logical transition, if i recall correctly, which i do because i was not drinking(!), but i could see (even as i was making the transition) that it was way beyond the conversational capabilities of this particular individual. which is pretty much what happens to me. i cannot associate with "regular" people. i say things that have no place being uttered, and i'm not just talking about ponytail buttplugs or implausibly long strings of cursewords. i have no place amongst the general public! i am no good for you, no good at all.

i do not like bars/clubs/parties because i do not know what to do with myself. boys offer to buy me a drink and i would rather run away than say yes or no because yes could lead to more talking (which would be pointless as outlined above) and no would be mean, and also something i have little experience with saying. OR. boys say something like, "so what do you like to do?" and i say words like, oh, anything i've ever written here, and suddenly they see someone they know over there. way the fuck over there.

casual conversation eludes me. i am a quirky girl and some people find that delightful, but others (lots of others) find my brand of quirk strange and disconcerting. i have had a man explicitly tell me to stop saying things of the nature of things i like to say (if that makes sense) because it makes people think i am weird.

which is actually the anglo-saxon word for fate. which is just the sort of thing i would say to a guy at a party and he would go, "hmmm. that's cool. i need another beer."

so i have decided this: from now on, i am ok with it and i will most certainly stop trying to hide it. i am not interested in someone who is not ever socially awkward, or who pretends that is the case. it is a sign of personality, and character, and frankly, if people can get beyond my initial impression of loud (kansas can you hear me?) and crazy and possibly swinging a large knowledge cock, they will find that i am generous (sometimes to a fault) and sensitive, and an excellent hypo-allergenic baker with yarn-spinning tendencies. and there i go again.

whatever. my cats love me.


Blogger Uccellina said...

The cats love you, and so do we.

As you know, I have similar social awkwardness, which is why I did not even attempt that party. I have reluctantly concluded that people who don't enjoy the quirky are stupid buttheads who lead small, pointless lives. See how easy that is? The trick is to declare yourself Awesome, and those who don't like you Pathetic.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

I prefer the title "acquired taste."
I know just what you mean, though. I like people in a general way, one on one, but I really hate them in groups.

Ah, the Internet, helping weird people feel less alone, as Coco says.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I would very much like to meet a man swinging a large knowledge cock.

Actually the knowledge part is not necessary.

I heart you.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I rarely make a good first impression. I'm not good with the small talk.

You are generous and sensitive, and might I add hilarious and kind. Never change.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I am completely enraptured and enthralled by you.

Please come live with me.

Don't make me beg.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are far too good for those sorts of parties and should not be concerned with the neaderthals who can't relate. You had me at...well, I can't remember your first words to me, but I loved you immediately.

Blogger LotusKnits said...

I think you're fan-double-tastic.

We could have a nerdy girl cock fight. Woo!

Blogger Green and Gray said...

yay for English major-ness. I posted some of that on my blog.

I've been out with the plague. Hope all is well.

Blogger Calzone said...

I do the same thing at parties. But I have fun with it. I was totally into the vagina hat thing for a while. Even got me booted out of a bar, even though I told the bartender I only wore it when it rained.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

You had me at "ponytail buttplug."

Seriously, Kendra, you are everything anyone could ever want in a friend or hot lay, and those fucktards who can't keep up with your conversational stylings just flat don't deserve your time.

Blogger Sysm said...

Alright dear,

You're absolutely lovely, charming and fabulous. You SHOULD continue to scare away the fuck-tards.

There'll be someone, soon, to make you tingle.

Parties do suck. Most people do suck. You're beyond them.


Poison Ivy, eh?

Anonymous avalynda said...

you don't know me, so it might be scary if i said i loved you. so instead, i'll say you're fabulously intelligent, and if i were into having parties, you'd totally be on my list of people to invite. that way, we could scare away morons faster.

Blogger jiggs said...

I know what you're talking about. I either say nothing at a party or I go around telling everyone how small my penis is. But people aren't interested in hearing the truth. You should come and hang out with me and A-team in B-town. We'll talk about lots of inappropriate stuff.

Blogger Tim said...

My social awkwardness is the reason I sit alone at lunch and send emails to the person that sits right next to me. And cry myself to sleep at night. With my cat.

Blogger Monkey said...

I really should sign into my own profile to comment on this. Monkey has no problems at parties.

I on the other hand... oh Miss Kendra... I feel your frustration and awkwardness. When I am in a good state of mind, I tell myself that my inept behavior weeds out the people I wouldn't want as cohorts anyway. When I am low, I just feel weird and stupid.

Let's stick with option #1 shall we? Our unique conversation skills help us identify our kindred spirits and scare away the dull, the unimaginative and the living dead.

Monkey's Human

Blogger Booty J Patrol said...

I agree. You are quite entertaining in a small group setting. I also agree with what Jiggs said -- you should come hang out with us up here.

Blogger Nick said...

I saw a show the other day on Equestrian Fetishes. It was crazy fucked up, they actually have people-saddles.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Adopt another kitten, it'll all be fine.



Anonymous Annika said...

Hmm. I am one of the most socially awkward people on earth, and I must say that you fake it pretty well. Also, I was not always this awkward, and I don't know when it happened. I should make signs. LOST: ABILITY TO CONVERSE WITH OTHER HUMANS. REWARD.

Blogger amera hearts said...

seriously. you are awesome.

equestrian fetishes...

Blogger Stepherz said...

equuestrian fetishes can be an interesting topic. I would have laughed my ass off listening in on that conversation!

I often feel that I belong on a different planet. Or perhaps that the rest of the normal folk do. It's just that the rest of the world is freakin' weird, No?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't remember ever having conversational problems with you. Maybe I'm wyrd, too. I very specifically remember that when in person, we managed to talk for hours and hours about things like guitars wearing blue wigs. What was her name again? Velma? I miss her.
Remember all those early evenings at Front Street? We talked for days on end. I don't understand why you think you're socially awkward. People AWLAYS wanted to talk to you more than they wanted to talk to me. I was the boring one.
I do, however, remember your distaste for parties. We went to a stupid PJ party. I hate those things. I happen to love parties, and you hate them.
Here's my theory:
I am simply a social freak. I'm very good at looking normal, but underneath it... well you know.
You are socially well-balanced. Some people may choose not to notice that because THEY are the social freaks!
I hope this made sense. I have had A LOT of candy!

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I think a lot of people feel the way we all obviously do - I always manage to say the most completely inane thing, or so it seems to me. I think we're harder on ourselves than we need to be (especially you!), and the idiots that don't get us *should* run away, because they just can't hang.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Normal" people suck.

You, on the other hand, RULE.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate parties too. The posturing is exhausting. (however, I have never had a conversation with anyone that involved someone wearing a saddle)

Hiding who you are is exhausting too and you generally end up surrounded by people you do not enjoy.

I like the quirk - I have never even met you, and I keep coming back for more. I say keep up the good work.

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