October 13, 2006
do six hail marys

and a beach pail of cocaine, and all will be forgiven.

internets, we have to talk.

i'm really disappointed in your recent behavior. in fact, i'm a little broken hearted over the whole thing. i expected better from you, but you didn't work up to your potential. and i mean at all. seriously.

i gave you a stellar post down there, and you gave me a measly 25 comments. what is that bullshit? i know that more than 500 people have seen this post. i have a sitemeter, and also hired guns. not to mention omnipotence, and really nice shoes. pretty much this is unacceptable. the post had sluttiness! and strap ons! and waxed asses! i don't know how much longer i can just give and give. what more do you people want from me?????

so your punishment is this random pile of crap that's been on my mind, and you will read it, every last morsel.
it really bothers me when people misuse the word "ripen." fruits do not ripen further after being picked. it makes me want to punch the offender in the neck.

i think my feet are growing.

my knitting spot is right near the litterbox and so i've become aware of the fact that leonard nimoy talks to himself while he's pooing.

meeting sysm was delightful, and not just because he paid for dinner. that sounds bad, but he did, and i appreciated it, so i'm leaving it in. kiss my ass. sysm was smart, and kind, and funny. and he seems like a good tipper, though i don't know for sure.

i hope my family gives me money for the holidays. except my parents, because they don't have to give me anything. except a place to sleep and food to eat when i go home. and also maybe help me pay to ship more of my crap from their attic to los angeles. there's like four tupperwares full of yarn up there, you know.

the word paraskavedekatriaphobia sounds made up to me.

oranges are delicious, but a pain in the ass. if i were a rockstar i would put it on my rider that i wanted pre-peeled oranges to eat. and they would do it, because i rule with an iron fist.


see what you made me do? that will teach you.



40 Comments:

Anonymous Jon said...

Wow. This is the first time I've ever visited your blog, but I'm going to comment anyway. (I know what's good for me.)

Blogger Tim said...

I left you a second comment. Hope that helps.

Blogger Sysm said...

After having a lovely dinner with you, it felt inappropriate to speak of your birthday depravity. No one ever melted anything on me for my birthday (sniff).

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

I'm so with you on the orange thing.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I love random thoughts in convenient blog form.

I thought I was the only person who complained about a lack of comments. Thanks for making me feel like less of an ass.

Blogger Allisone said...

comment, comment for the love of all that's holy!!!

Blogger Faith said...

Seriously? - you're bitching? I have a perfectly good post going about prostitutes, GW and cocaine and I have one comment...

People are idiots.

Blogger Brookelina said...

We are all suffering from low comment counts. We must suck. All of us. As a whole.

I left a second comment too. It's about your tits.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

My comments suck, but then they always do. I think its a combination of the stars being out of alignment and blogger being constantly out o' commission.

I'm with you on the orange issue, but I would be afraid they'd still leave the tendrilly white stuff on, and seeds are a beeyatch, too. Sigh. Have you seen Iggy's concert rider? You'd have something similar, I'm sure.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

OR MAYBE. . . it's because you waited TOO DAMNED LONG to post about your birfday and everyone forgot about it already.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/iggypop/iggypop1.html

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

OR MAYBEEEEE. . . 499 of those 500 viewings were ME coming back again and again to GAWK at the pix. You guys looked really great.

Blogger Moe said...

So I googled paraskavedekatriaphobia. Apparently there is help if you need it.

Honestly, I think I am more prone to conditions such as phasmophobia, coulrophobia, and I *really* hate the idea of an infinite, yet expanding universe (expanding into what!?!). Argh.

I'm not an orange fan. Too much trouble, and they give me heartburn. I am clearly a 75 yr old man.

Blogger superhooker said...

actually, fruit companies do ripen fruit after they pick it. Bananas are shipped in trucks filled with gas to make them ripen on the way. Then they are stored in rooms filled with more gas.

Blogger miss kendra said...

that is correct, superhooker. fruit companies do artificially ripen fruit with hormones and gas.

but naturally, it just doesn't happen.

as for the rest of you, carry on.

Anonymous pinksara said...

I'm sorry I didn't post about how hot we looked on your birthday. It seemed vain. And shiny.

Blogger Monkey said...

I came back to reread your post at least 40 times. From different computers, in different cities, wearing different deodorant.

My feet are growing too. It happens when we AGE.

Blogger Monkey said...

P.S. What does Leonard Nimoy talk about to himself? While in the luscious act of pooing?

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

all words are made up.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

ps

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

love

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

you

Blogger me said...

napoleon stares into space angrily when he uses the facilities.

but that's just his face.

if i could... i'd comment 500 times.

but... i would probably lose a finger... or something

Blogger me said...

j'ai froid, aujord'hui...

... je veux du chocolat chaud...

um..

j'ai un chat...

tu as deux chats...

:D

Blogger JenL said...

Yes, the birthday recap was stellar and I apologize for not commenting. I was simply in awe.

I'm so with you on the orange thing.

And I'm jealous that you have 4 tupperwares of yarn just waiting for you.

Oh and I love that Patrick Stewart has made it to the invited for pie list.

Anonymous Bonanza JellyBean said...

Hey now, you are just being greedy. I'm lucky if I get one comment on my site.

Greedy!

[and I did read your birthday post and laughed my ass off, but I was at work and I usually will not comment while at work]

Blogger Stephieface said...

I am certain that many people's fingers were occupied while viewing your last post, and this caused them to be unable to comment.

If I were a rockstar, it would shaved raspberries dipped in chocolate... cause no on likes a hairy raspberry.

Blogger jiggs said...

i hate peeling oranges. this means that I should never be in a subservient role to you. (like roadie)

Anonymous Brina said...

Saw this and thought of this entry :

Emma Orange Peeler

You're not the only ones who hates orange peeling!

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

You rule the school!
TFG (a fellow cat lover) has informed that his cats would chat up a storm while doing their filthy business, so I guess it's not so wierd.
It sounds like you night with Sysm was lovely.
Since I don't seem capable of stringing sentences together coherently before my morning coffee I'm going to end this random string of comments.
now.

Blogger FRITZ said...

my yarn harkens for yours. let's knit together, right now.

I absolutely loved your birthday post, but have been remiss of late, thanks to, you know, purchasing a home. God. I'm so boring.

Blogger Übermilf said...

1. Quit yer bitchin'! at least you're a flippery fish. I'm a slimy mollusc with no hope of evolving anytime soon. And I am fantastically talented and everything.

2. Sysm is nice. Almost as nice as Dilf. But he probably expensed the whole thing anyway.

3. ÜberYounger sings while pooping. Made-up songs.

Blogger d'mang said...

uh, sorry been kinda busy. I just read about your b-day, sounds like good family fun and on that note I have to go finish the other half of my pail of cocaine

Blogger Colleen said...

http://jonnyopinion.wordpress.com/2006/10/15/compulsory-download-49/#comment-2410
Blow off steam with a llama ;)

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I think I need a spanking.

Please?

Also, Sysm, I may not have melted anything on you for your birthday, but I did make you a dancing stripper girl gif, and that has to count for something, damn it.

Blogger amera hearts said...

i suck at commenting.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Am I forgiven for not commenting, seeing as how I'm internet challenged?

I heart you to pieces for spiffing up my blog.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a bad, bad bloggie homie!

Blogger ladylinoleum said...

Okay, I commented already! Twice.

Blogger sleepydog said...

A Miss Kendra, as someone who has commented at your site numerous times and has never recieved a comment from you, I must protest. However, I am already weakening under your womanly spell (and the smell of cookies) and now my protest is more of a meek pleasedon'thurtme kind of thing.
So anyways, I am continuing the viscious cycle of unrequited commenting. Enabling it, so to speak. Oh, when will the madness end ??

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