September 27, 2006
i wish to make a complaint.

sorry, we're closin' for lunch...

i've cultivated an appreciation for this specific type of thing, you see. i'm sort of really into it and i can't get enough. i spend time everyday scouring the internet for images to quell my unending thirst, but nothing helps.

it's becoming a problem. i’m a little embarrassed— i know it’s wrong. i started liking it in highschool after i dated this one guy who had a really big one, and things have just never been the same. i don’t want to encourage any unhealthy regimens by endorsing this sort of thing, but i must say… i like fatties. i really like them. it might be love. i could look at them all day, stretched out on their backs, huge jiggly bellies for all the world to see.

i want to grab their rolls and smoosh my face in them.

because once they’ve passed the kitten benchmark, there's really nothing i like so much as a totally fucking corpulent cat. rowr!

that said, this is my complaint: despite it’s reputation, i have found through extensive research that (at least on my internet) there is an acute shortage of fatty porn. the situation is dire. i was on catster earlier (yes, catster. yes, it’s like myspace but for cats. shhh. i know.) and i was pretty sure i had hit the jackpot when I came across this “group” for “plus sized” catster members.

i was all excited. i had visions of enormous furry butts dancing in my head. it was a dream come true. until i took the time (out of my busy work day) to actually look.

since when is 15 pounds plus sized? that cat is average! mediocre! i’m not into that shit. i want big! bigger! (and this cat is 15 pounds... on the moon. this cat is 15 pounds of 3 pound increments.)biggest!

now please leave me with me with my thoughts and this stack of clinical obesity literature. i have fatties to show some serious lovin’.


Blogger yournamehere said...

Damn. When you said you liked fatties I thought I had a chance.

Blogger Nick said...

Todd beat me to it.

Damn him.

Blogger jiggs said...

I like looking at pictures of cats. I know, you'd think a guy with 3.5 testicles wouldn't be into cute animal pics, but I am... and I hate myself for it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My family cat was 18lbs. On the DIET cat food. When he ran (rarely), his belly would ricochet side to side. Dad kept saying, "the big guy looks hungry". Can you imagine the corpulence on regular cat food? He eventually died of a heart attack.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

At her fattest, my beloved Pretty Kitty weighed 18 delicious pounds. And I smooched my face in her rolls daily.

Hooray for fat pussies!

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I'm not a doctor, and I don't play one on t.v., but that can't be healthy. That having been said, I think cats are like humans - its not so much the weight as it is the distribution. That 21 lbr looked more proportionate than the 15 lbr. Go figger.

Cats that actually let you pet them? Le Bucket would be appalled.

Blogger Sachi said...

I will send you cat port. Mr. Mew is ready and my camera is ready to go. He's not a real fatty but he IS 17 lbs. of kitty. For now, I give you these belly shots.

Mr. Mew 1
Mr. Mew 2
Mr. Mew 3

Luna belly

Blogger Sachi said...

Er... I seem to have forgotten how to type. Cat porn.... I will send you cat porn... Cat port might just be the most disguisting thing I've heard in recent years.

Blogger amera hearts said...

i wish i knew how to put links into these comment boxes, i would link you a huge cat pic.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Hey. I want you to know that I have some birfday goodness for you, but I may or may not make it to F'sM tonite. . . If I don't, I will *definitely* make it next week, but I want you to know it won't *really* be a belated thang b/c I have it now.

That is all. Go back to your cushy job.

Blogger Übermilf said...

My ÜberGirlies want Miss Muffin to get married and have babies.

They think we should take her on a vacation to Greece, because they heard cats roam freely there, so she can find a husband.

While Miss Muffin no longer has the necessary equipment in stock to make said babies, you certainly could go there to find a chubby kitty to love.

Blogger Tim said...

I have a skinny cat. She's so embarrassing. I never take her out in public.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Happy Birthday Eve, Kendra!!!

You should be receiving your gift from me via email sometime in the wee hours tonight. I have some suggestions about where you might want to begin your shopping:

or here.

Blogger LotusKnits said...

I have a fat bellied boy kitty and he plops on me every night as I go to bed and I smoosh into his soft belly. He's right at 20 lbs, and doesn't really look fat until he sits on top of all four legs and you can see just how wide he really is.

Love your new baby kitty! Sooo beautiful!

Blogger Übermilf said...

I want to send you this for your birthday but I lost your address again.

Blogger Monkey said...

I use fat kitties in lieu of an electric blanket.

Blogger MadMeer said...

As you know, I got a dog recently. A shepherd/rottweiler mix and she's 7 months old. I took her to the vet where they informed me that she weighs just as much as one of my cats. 22 lbs. Then they looked at me like I was a child abuser.

He's just big boned, damn it! I love him that way!

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