September 12, 2006
the following things are bothering me:

one: i am at "work" but should be at home making presents. there are so many presents to be made! i should also be buying the appropriate supplies for those presents, but the money? it's missing.

two: the toilets here at work are oddly shaped and i have to sit really far back on them to avoid splashback. yes, i actually put my butt on the toilet here. our bathrooms are sparkly clean. however, i hate splashback, and i hate sitting with my butt against the back of the toilet. i go to the bathroom about seven times a day (at work, and about five or six more at home) so now the question becomes which do i hate more?

three: i have a three huge zits on my face. i know they are huge because they each have their own rover.

four: there is something sort of big going on right now and it's weird and awkward and hurty and the only thing that will fix it at this point is money, which i have little of. i need atleast $2000 more dollars before i can really address it, and unless my accident money comes strolling in (fashionably late), it's going to take till february at least for me to save that. beside which, my accident money needs to pay back my parents and go towards atleast one of my credit cards. so a minimum of five more months of silent awkward hurty suffering (now with less fun!) is on the agenda.

five: my birthday is in 17 days. i have no idea what is happening. if you feel compelled to give me something, which you should not, but if you do, and you aren't sure what i might like (as someone has pointed out), let me suggest the following options:
giftcards to michaels craft stores, joann fabrics, amazon or ebay
or
paypal money towards the relief of my awkwardness.


six: i have been dieting and doing very well and not cheating and yet i haven't lost a single pound. not even one! not even half of one! this is bullshit. poppycock!

seven: i forgot to put on deodorant this morning and had to use the spray one we keep in our well stocked ladies room. now i smell like powdered baby butts.

eight: i get all weepy when i think about how tough a time this must be for anna nicole. what a weird thing for me to be focusing on.

nine: i find julian mcmahon attractive.



26 Comments:

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

Julian=super hottie.

Would a poster of a kitten hanging from a branch cheer you up?

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I'm sorry you're going through silent awkward hurty suffering. You are kind, loving and smell like cookies. You deserve happy things.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I find Ed McMahon attractive.

Blogger Egan said...

I find Todd attractive. I'm also right there with you on number eight. Tragedy is called tragedy for a reason, even if you're an annoying celebrity. 20 years old is way too young.

Blogger jiggs said...

one: time is on your side.

two: a female friend suggested putting a piece of toilet paper down in the water first. she is under the impression that that will change the surface tension of the water (assuming that the tp is under the area in which you pee)


three: I'm breaking out right now myself.

four: :(

five: I'll ask a-team about a good gift for you.

six: you don't need to diet. your figure is already smash bang and I consider myself to be an expert.

seven: baby powder is a nice scent I think.

eight: thankfully, she can drown her sorrows in trimspa

nine: i don't know who that is.

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

I find it impressive that with all of these things on your mind, you were still able to use the word poppycock and make me happy.

Email me the paypal info. Just in case.

Blogger Stella Haven said...

Mmmm ... Julian McMahon. However, I'm still trying to get over him cheating on his wife with Shannen Doherty when his wife was pregnant. Anyway. Happy early birthday!

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

I do love me some Julian McMahon, in all his aussie glory. I'm missing out on all the supposed booty shots on this season's nip/tuck, i guess i can just pray for reruns when I get home!

If I wasn't paycheque-to-paycheque there would be attempts to ease your ackwardness.
Hope things get better.

Blogger Rrramone said...

Happy Early Birthday. :-)

I wish you wonderful things, a decadent wish, relief from your awkwardness, and a random act of kindness.

Blogger Monkey said...

I find that fresh bananas lightly smeared on the surface of my buttocks always helps with unsightly blemishes.

I love you.

Blogger sleepydog said...

Silent awkward hurty suffering sucks. When you silently akwardly hurtily suffer, part of me silently akwardly hurtily suffers too.
And an angel loses it's wings.
And the world smells a little less like cookies.

I hope things get better soon.

If you want some good "drown your sorrows sad bastard" music to listen to when you're weepy and drunk e-mail me at sleepydogmusic@comcast.net and I'll send you a CD. If the lyrics don't make you cry, my singing will. Guaranteed.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I don't have money. How about I move in with you, sit in a chair, glare, and make snide comments? I could be your protector. I can be very menacing psychologically, albeit not in a physical sense.

Also, MONKEY!!!!

Blogger TinaPoPo said...

I hope the hurty stops and that your birthday is nice. :)

Blogger Nick said...

The Siblings Seaman are compiling a gift for you. Yes. It's a gift of such nature that it requires compiling. You shan't be disappointed.

Blogger Colleen said...

Would receiving a box of yarn/craft supplies from my closet make you happy?

Blogger Thérèse said...

One: bothers me as well, HOWEVER, that will soon be rectified on my end.

And I find Seven comforting somehow.

Blogger WineGrrl said...

1. My version of present making usually means increasing my debt...at least you make yours.

2. Haven't these people ever heard of that new invention called the "toilet seat cover?"

3. Sorry about the zits. Try toothpaste--not a gel, but the pasty stuff. Dab it on the zit, and away it goes!

4. Hurties suck.

5. Happy Birthday in advance!

6. I hate diets, which is why I am so round.

7. I keep a stick in my purse now.

8. People make fun of ANS, but this just stinks. No one deserves what is happening to her.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I bet Julian McMahon is very rich. He could give you the life of ease and crafting that you deserve.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Oh, sweetie pie. If I could just shower you with gifts and money daily, I would.

I will do my best to find something appropriate and lovely for you, and meanwhile will send whatever good money-making mojo I have (which, sadly, may not be much) your way, non-stop.

May I please smother you in smooches? Or bananas? Especially if Monkey joins us?

MONKEY!

Blogger me said...

o miss kendra... i *heart* you...

if i were not in the middle of a very top secret espionage mission where the subject is my money and the culprits are the bmo then i would definitly donate to your charitable cause... and i will as soon as the covert operation is complete...

canadians are fun! take solace! men in long curly wigs and short skirts! yay!

Blogger Sysm said...

1. I am a Virgo.

2. I keep a mental list of people who don't wash their hands at work after using the bathroom. They are dead to me.

3. I have a big zit in the middle of my forehead. My friends keep staring at it when they talk to me. I feel like it's a caste mark.

4. Pain don't hurt.

5. You're a Libra. Hence, I'm older than you. Baubles and trinkets coming your way.

6. I was hitting the gym every day for four months. Also with no results. Finally, I had major leap forward - I quit going to the gym.

7. Love's Baby Soft?

8. I agree. He seemed like a pretty sweet, normal kid. And his Mom's tether to reality. Pretty damn sad.

9. He sucked as Doctor Doom.

Blogger WineGrrl said...

Oops I forgot #9:

Julian McMahon: Dayum he FOINE! (Translation: Indeed, he is extremely handsome.)

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

1. Yes! make the presents!
2. I hate that. Ever use one of those standing ones? We have one at the beach. it counfuses me. I can't stand & pee. Well, unless I am in the shower.
3. Ditto! I named it Mount Second Chin.
4. Yes. It's the big, hurty thing that makes us stronger. The thing, too, that makes us sisters.
5. Yaya!
6. Here's the key: Keep track of yoru calories and don't go over 1500.
7. Yum. I love sparying deodorant at work; it makes me feel like a bad girl.
8. I know. What the hell?!?!? And to imagine people are saying drugs may have been involved?
9. I don't know who that is, but I had a sex dream about Frida Kahlo. All I could see was that unibrow peeking over my peach.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

I agree about ANS. That poor woman.
Oh and Jiggs is right about the toilet paper on the surface of the water thing, it does work. Also handy for throwing up.

And *hug*

I hope it all gets better. Now. Or five minutes ago.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

MONKEY IS BACK?!?!?!?! Or is that someone pretending to be Monkey?! Well, that alone should make any hurty thingie go away!!!

You have deoderant in your restroom?! FAHN-CEEEE.

Now I must google Julian McMahon, long-lost aborted son of Ed.

Blogger Flounder said...

You may need to get your bladder checked. There is something very unnatural about sitting on the toilet 12 times a day.

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