i am fat today.two.
gene simmons seems fun. i would like to have him and his family over for pie. i don't know what sort of pie they like, but i am willing to make several.three.
saturday was interesting. i knitted in the morning, then saw the following things as the day progressed:four.~a bowling shirt with an embroidered mooning bambi
~a halter top that read “foxy bitch”
~a polyester rainbow/cloud printed jogging shirt with a very wide double layered disco collar
~not one, but TWO girls in a café on labrea decked out in full on crazy lolita alice in wonderland gear (one of the skirts was so short that when she sat down at the table i’m sure her bare butt was on the seat)
~orange suede leiderhosen
then, on saturday night i went to a fetish bar. the website is sucky, but maybe you can get a decent idea from looking at the "souls" section. it was impromptu, and i am generally more pub than club, but even with that said, i don’t think i was expecting quite what i got. the very first thing i saw when i walked in was a girl splayed on a chaise lounge with her friend in a position that could only be described as “airing one’s crotch.” from the soft-core fetish films being projected on a building wall to the girl licking her girlfriend’s boot and then making out with her (the actual bottom of the boot- wtf? be gay, be in to s&m, be into bodily fluids for all i care- but that boot walked down hollywood boulevard and that is seriously gross), to the men in questionable amounts of latex/leather/mesh… ooh ooh! and the girl being groped and manipulated in front of a devoted audience and the 98% naked dancing bar girls and the guy being flogged by a very small woman with surprising strength? and then personal jesus came on and i was tempted to dance naked, but i didn't. that's for sundays, fool. anyway it was interesting to say the least. i think i will have my birthday there. who’s in?
i went to the optometrist today for the first time in FIVE AND A HALF YEARS and she played cartoons for me on a projection screen while she looked at my eyeballs. it was all fine and dandy until this came on. what sort of torturous device is this, that she would drop liquid in my eyes to make them gluey and slow, place my head in a hannibal-mask so she could “measure my curvature” and then play such fabulous music (and the monkeys! oh the monkeys!) but not allow me to dance? not to mention the fact that she poked my eye with a stick. a sterile metal stick that scientifically measures pressure, but still a stick. all i ever did was love science and it poked me without my permission!five.
it took me a while to choose new frames because the ones i wanted were super hot but not at all practical. i got similar ones that don’t make me look quite as bad assed. it’s hard to pick glasses when you’re trying to picture how you will look in them pajama-clad and unkempt on the morning dogwalk. i will post pictures of my lovely new glasses when they arrive and you will give me due worship, oh yes, you will.
i made ubermilf an apron. it rules. you should see some up close pictures of it, so i will post them here when i get home. you better come back and look at them.six.
uber apron! uber cupcakes!
i like making things. it gives me a false sense of order in a fundamentally fucked up world.
(in rhyme) my flesh is all red and irritated. it has been for two days. something bit my breast, not in the good fetish bar way.