May 14, 2006
mother's day

mother's day is a difficult one for me.

i have little relationship with my real mother, after years and years of trying and being hurt again and again.

but of course, a person can never truly give up hope on her parent- there is always something inside that longs for recognition, that wants to hear the stories of a familiar childhood, that always keeps wishing.


in the many years that have passed since i last celebrated mother's day in her honor, i have come to find a new mother, a woman who chose to care for me, even though she had no obligation to. she and her husband gave me many things, not the least of which is the hope that someday, i could be a Good Mother too.

happy mother's day.

send money for crystal methamphetamine. (jut kidding- it's for vegas!)*

i love you.


*laughter is the best defense.



9 Comments:

Blogger briana said...

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Blogger briana said...

I think you're a real mother... er, I mean, I think you'll make a real great mother' one day, so I'll just celbrate you today in advance.

Blogger JenL said...

I'm sorry Mother's Day is tough for you. I have no doubt that you will be a good mother. And Bug agrees.

This is my second Mother's Day as a mom but without my mom. It's bittersweet.

And it was fantablous meeting you yesterday and admiring all of the red shoes.

Blogger jiggs said...

I bet you're gonna me a great momma and people are be all like "whoa momma" when they see you. cuz i think you're going to be moving fast all the time

Blogger myboyfriendiscrazy said...

I'm glad you have surrogate parents. :) It sounds like a feel-good movie type of story.

And laughter is a great defense, as long as you know it's a defense (which obviously you do)

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

If you didn't already have a surrogate mother, I would volunteer. I'd even let you borrow my clothes!

It sounds like you've already worked through a lot of the shit with your mom, even if it's not all of it.

It's hard when the adult part of you knows that the problem lies with your "mom" but the little girl part of you keeps asking, "Why doesn't she love me?"

I want to start a "bad parent island" and stick them all somewhere.

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

it's easier to be a good mother than you think. especially when they're little. plus? loads of fun. you can dress as a cowboy to go out grocery shopping, and explain that your kids wanted to play cowboy. you can sing silly songs at the top of your lungs, and you can hug and kiss as much as you want without being, uh, scarey.

now the teen years? i'm going to have to work up to that.

you? you're going to be FABULOUS.

Blogger Beeb said...

you need to have kids to go to the store dressed like a cowboy??? oops.

k, i love you and you'll be a wonderful mother someday... you'll need to move this way first so we can raise babies together- what's funner than a cowboy?

a group of them.

Blogger me said...

as long as you don't mind the phrase:

"mom? mom? mom? hey.. mom? mom? MOM! MOM! mom? mom? over here! mom! look here! mom! mom! mom! mom! watch mom! watch! mom? mom!..."

at the tune of screechy little kid voice, i'm sure you'll be a wonderful maternal figure. mother. mommy. besides you have great fashion sense.

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