it's like this, fool.

i got to vegas and my camera was dead. this is the only picture i have:



which means you will have to view some pictures over at jiggsblog a little here and some more here.

allegedly there will be more "tomorrow." which means that without photographic evidence, you will simply have to believe that everything you read here is true.

as it generally is.

we were all married, except booty who has a woman (and preternaturally sensitive nipples), and it was the best i've ever had.

this is the absolute truth. i married them all in the following order: jiggs, tasty mcj, slappy. slappy was last because he's tall.

booty was the man of honor, but he slept through most of it so don't listen to anything he says about anything. also he was drunk pretty much the whole time and trying to fondle jiggs' twissleman. we were married by the first elvis we saw, who happened to be on some fat guy's tshirt.

we ordered three hookers from 69-69-69-6 and used them as models for the new jiggswear for women line.

this is less true. we wanted to order hookers, but they all hurt our eyes. this one girl brutalized my retinas with her ann-coulter-face and i understood suddenly why people kill prostitutes, if only for a moment.

by people i mean booty, and i'm only saying it because i can tell you guys anything. he told me not to tell, but his face is obscured so no one will ever really know. just you and me, internet. yup.

someone had nice boobs and it wasn't me.

like i said, i totally have nice boobs. and we did see several other sets, including one set wearing pasties, but they weren't fun or badass or super elegant. they were just plain, and a total waste of vision. pasties are supposed to bring joy to the world, but these pasties made me sad, and that's wrong.

my breast spotting skills are unparalleled. (boobdar.) i found (for my jiggs-harem's viewing pleasure) pastied boobs, hugenormous boobs, and drunken / gratuitously licked in public boobs. that's right. but the boobs most often remarked upon were those of jiggs himself, as he has glorious man boobs, and is not afraid to use them to his advantage. it's how he got us all late checkouts at the hotel.

it's also how he wrangled me. (yes i said wrangled. shut up.) rowr!

someone used the word cock gratuitously and it probably was me.

i think this one is pretty self explanatory. cock! cockle! cockamamie!

it seems that the gentlemen weren't sure exactly what to make of me, and so we met at a buffet to insure a wealth of reasons to break away (in case of creepiness of the not so charming variety.)

later they told me that i had significantly fewer chances to escape, as jiggs had become the keeper of my purse (it sat next to him quietly while we ate; it was full of roofies and that shit makes you sleepy). how would i escape without them knowing i was headed for the door? that's when i told them i needed to get up to change my tampon, and suddenly they knew i was their kind of girl. for i am a real classy broad. oh yes. the class is just running off me.

someone was impregnated with a million babies.

i can't reveal this one, but i assure you that each of these million babies will find a good home.

i hope.

because you, and only you can help. for the cost of a cup of coffee, you could help me send the million babies to school- and i could buy them shoes, and stop putting bandaids on their nipples. because your 2.45 tall non-fat mocha latte means matching sequined pasties for everyone.

god bless america.

4 eva fool!

just keepin' it real. (slappy!)