April 10, 2006
the scariest post ever

today i join in a righteous battle- a cause worth every ounce of energy i can muster. today i stand tall and fight because i believe in one thing, and one thing alone.

tom cruise is a seriously fucked up individual. i was going to write "dude" but i thought about it and figured a gender inspecific word might be better.

(not pictured: beard wife, crazypants)

anyway, todd over at viva las vegass has put into being what i had only dreamed. he has endorsed a boycott, and i have decided that jumping on the screaming-during-birth bandwagon is the least i can do. after all, living in LA means when the thetans drop their bodies and xenu returns etc, etc that i will be in the direct path of their hostile takeover.

if he's allowed to continue to spread his crazy like a resistant std, it will be the end of all good pills, umm i mean good things.

no, i meant pills. i cannot tell a lie.

by joining this boycott, you will be saving me from the only thing worse than being stuck in an endless escher-esque loop of the hoff's package: tom cruise.

thank you.


Blogger LotusKnits said...

Thank (enter name of your personal diety here)! It's about time someone started this. That guy has always creeped me out and his recent trips to Crazy Town have not served to warm me to his dark side. And damn it, if that Katie chick wants to scream while pushing out his devil spawn, good on her. Defy that crazy fucker!

Blogger Libby said...

You have GOT to warn a girl before you post gory pictures on your blog.

That man scares the bejeebus right out of me.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Thanks for joining the anti-Tom revolution. It will be televised!!

Anonymous jurgen nation said...

AARGH! I HATE TOM CRUISE. I'm with you on the Tomcott. He is seventeen shades of crazy.

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

I saw a commercial for his upcoming interview with Diane Sawyer and he has this "you'd look good in a wood chipper" evil smile on his face while she's asking him about Scientology and whether Katie's dad hates him. It's the smile of someone barely containing their psychotic outbursts. I can't stand to look at him anymore. Count me in.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Everytime I look at a picture of him I feel the urge to loofah all of my skin off.

Blogger babyjewels said...

I'm in. I can't stand him. I never got his appeal, but this last year he's just insanely annoying.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

I'm SO in.
I'm in, complete with all the hoopla, tears and drama that would ensue if I was coming OUT.

I need to go announce this to my parents, that I'm IN this boycott.

Blogger WineGrrl said...

I clicked on "insanity." Oy.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

the braces make him that much creepier

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Every time I see Tom's wide-mouthed crazyface I cringe.

Also--off topic--I know the guy who does the Kool-Aid voice. Fer realz.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate tom he gives tha real psychotics a bad name i will boycott that mofo wit u

Blogger Squid Vicious said...

Didn't like Jim Hensen die of scientology?

Why Kermit and not Tom?

Blogger jiggs said...

Sorry to rain on your parade (especially that sexy the last boy scout watching parade), but Tom Cruise hating is so last year. Literally.

We at jiggsblog were actively hating Tom Cruise in June of last year. (See Today in Tom Cruise is insane)

Let me also add the following: I think I'm so good.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go watch battlefield earth...again.

Blogger Nick said...

Who knew Armani made hair shirts?

Blogger Grend31 said...

I, for one, would like to welcome our new alien overlords.

I'm hoping I fall in a better tax bracket under their sublime unearthly leadership.

Blogger Autumn said...

i'm w/you on tom cruise being creepy.

my husband & i were talking about what a shame it is that such a good actor as phillip seymour hoffman would star in the new mission impossible w/tom cruise but then again, would you turn down all that cash?

Blogger me said...

philip seymour hoffman must be doing a personal experiment on what it feels like to work with people who have little to no talent... to see if they suck your talent out of you?... like tom...


i'm bitter about the both of them for no real reason (tomkat that is...)... and am flinging myself behind this cause in the way i would if i were flinging myself in front of a bus


Blogger Tim said...

But he's just so damn sexy. I don't know if I can resist his mind tricks, I mean charm.

Blogger Thérèse said...

Ok but what if I actually kind of want to see the movie? I mean, just a little bit? A teeny, tiny, eensy, weensy bit?

Blogger briana said...

Magnolia is the only movie I can stand to watch him in... prolly because he plays a freak so very, very well.

Blogger melissa.in.london said...

*jumping up and down on Oprah's couch*

I'm IN!! IN! IN! I tell you, I'm IN!

*sits down again.*

Sorry about that. I'm in.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I clicked on every link you provided, and I must say: I am HIGHLY disappointed NOT ONE led me to one of your inimitable illustrations.

That being said, I love the tack KROQ is going - Katy is preggers by her previous BF and just sporting a "pregnancy belly" until the movie drops (as well the baby, I suppose). And I fully support you in your boycott of the crazy short man with no neck. BUT ONLY if we also get to boycott Jiggs. Only because he is so damned cool I'm chagrined by his awesomeness.

Blogger jiggs said...

you make my snotty sassy

Anonymous Anonymous said...

huh, how about that. Apparently I've been practicing for this boycott for years.

Free Katie! Liberate the beach ball! Down with L.Ron!

Oh, and regarding your post on my blog...I live vicariously through you. Keep up the good work. Plus, my MIL reads my blog. I wouldn't want to give her ammunition.

Blogger Nick said...

Hair shirt? Anyone?

Blogger MadMeer said...

I love the cool-aid link for crazy. That is so perfect!

Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

I wouldn't want this to get around but every few weeks I pick up a celebrity mag. All I know is the way Tom is going he's going to end up on Anti-Psychotics..... whether he likes it or not

Blogger CommonWombat said...

My feelings about Tom Cruise can be summed up thusly:

"Sweet Jesus this Tom Cruise fellow is a fucking A-1 nutjob... I mean, what kind of looney-tunes-OOH look he's blowing things up. And he's so pretty when he does it... ... Pass the popcorn."

What can I say? The 90% of me that's regular old straight dude says he's a crazy fucker, but the 10% that's totally queer would fuck that guy silly.

Um... Disregard this post.

Blogger puck said...

i'm with ya, he is crazy, abusive to that poor "wife" of his...i'm sure not physically, but that certainly is emotional abuse, battering takes all forms. and she must be quiet during the birth of her child?!? i also read somewhere she wasn't allowed to go anywhere without tom's sister (to watch her?!?) f**king psycho control freak
run, katie, run (and hide cuz i hear they try to find you...scientologists i mean)
i will gladly (and pretty easily) join the boycott, and will be standing beside you to fight when the thetans/xenu (huh?) return (huh?) anyway, he's a nutcase

Blogger Nick said...

Hair shirt: A garment of rough cloth made from goats' hair and worn in the form of a shirt or as a girdle around the loins, by way of mortification and penance.

You people need to learn your 13th century history.

Blogger Grend31 said...

Due to overwhelming peer pressure I shall be joining this boycott and have created a special issue Grendku post to support the cause. I retract my earlier statement. I shall *not* be welcoming our new alien overlords regardless of any tax adjustments they offer me.

Awaiting further instructions on Operation Bankrupt Tom.

Blogger miss kendra said...

lotus knits: i’m so afraid for that kid. i want to stop calling it devil spawn, because it’s a poor little baby, but i’m terrified of what it might actually be . it could be this.

libby: i know. i’m sorry. i tried to find one that showed as little as possible, but i nearly poked out my own eyes halfway through the first page of image results.

yournamehere: it should be.

jurgen nation: at least seventeen. probably more.

laurie ann: he really does have an evil smile, like he’s envisioning your deboning.

brooke: he induces psychosis and denies us the drugs that will cure it! down with tom!

babyjewels: i never got it either! i can’t even think of a movie that i liked him in. for a while it made me un-american, but now it makes me right.

valancy jane: get them in on it. force our agenda on them! PAT- parents against tom!

winegrrl: you loved it. we all did.

knitty kitty: like he wants to chew but can’t. it reminded me of those cones they put on dogs to keep them from ripping their own guts out.

spinnerina: you should have him do an audioblog. a guest post from the koolaid guy would be awesome.

d34dpuppy: i think the real psychos give themselves a bad name, but tom does suck pretty badly.

squid vicious: it’s a cruel cruel world that would keep the good puppet and leave the bad one.

jiggs: all the coolest people have been doing it privately for years. we’re just getting organized now. you’ll be grandfathered in.

nick: armani makes everything.

grend31: shocked and appalled. this is number 12 talking isn’t it.

autumn: i can’t imagine wanting to work with him. it’s like having to go to the dentist or obgyn or something- you know it’s probably good for you in the long run, but really, if you could get a stunt person in there or atleast some good drugs it would be a lot better.

me: fling away. i hope he doesn’t talent suck.

tim: he’s not sexy! he’s gross and creepy. and short.

therese: no you don’t. you really don’t.

briana: yeah, that was probably my favorite too. are there any movies where he dies? because i could give those another shot.

melissa: very dramatic. only this time i understand the enthusiasm.

monkeygurrl: i apologize and promise to get right on that.

jiggs: i have that effect on people.

moe: i will do my best! good to know i can count on your for support. now how about bail money?

nick: no thank you. i’m fine.

mad meer: if only it were true. imagine the strange silence of a scientology free world. it’s shocking.

howdy girl: he sure is! you know l.ron took anti anxiety meds, so i don’t know who they think they’re kidding.

wombat: you’d think after all the butt-centric posting coming from your general direction i would be well prepared for scandalous statements, but i must say this really was disturbing. you have really bad taste in men. i’m sorry, but it’s true.

puck: i don’t understand her deal, but i feels orry for her and i suspect one day she will realize how badly she has screwed up.

nick: for the record, i totally knew this. ask jiggs- i emailed him something about hair shirts like a month ago. i am so up on 13th century history.

grend31: good thinking. this is the better choice.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I will join! Do I have to post about it?

Blogger Nick said...

I had no doubt that you knew, MK, (you naughty girl) it's the rest of your readers I'm concerned about.

Blogger Libby said...

I have to lie down. This is all a little much for my addled brain to handle.

Didn't they release a press statement a couple of weeks ago announcing that Tom = Satan?

I can see the combover is hiding the horns very well on that Time cover.

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