March 28, 2006
where i've been

natalie dee is a wise woman indeed.

so yesterday may or may not have included an interview for a shiny new office in which to blog (just kidding! i totally work hard) and i may or may not have been twenty minutes late for this interview due to my utter and complete stupidity.

because how hard is this?

north south east west. not rocket science. not even seventh-grade science.

here is a highly accurate and scientifically designed map of the los angeles area.

you can plainly see to the north a gathering of dirt called a "mountain range." there is a fairly noticeable lack of these "mountains" to the south. one might think that this differentiation would make it easy to decipher north from south, but one would be a snotty, condescending, directionally-advanced bitchface.

also? what exactly constitutes a mountain? how do i know it's not just a really big hill?

you may have noticed a large amount of water in the westal region. does this help me to know if i am where i should be? not particularly, unless it is clearly within view. otherwise the sea might as well be clive owen, beautiful and absolutely nowhere of use to me.

i ended up three miles northeast of where i wanted to be, which where you are might be just three miles, but here? three miles might as well be guam. eventually i made it and had what seemed to be a good interview. but i can't stop thinking how i will never find a job if i can't even find the ocean.


Blogger Sarah Smile said...

*shrugs* You're pretty. Pretty people don't need to know stuff.

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

I am the exact opposite of a directionally-advanced bitchface (except for maybe the bitchface part). J will ask me to meet him somewhere and I will say "Okay. How do I get there again?" and he will say "Are you serious? We've been there 10 times."

And I am serious.

I don't pay attention. Instead, I look at all of the pretty cars.

Blogger jiggs said...

I'm not good with directions. I find my way around using landmarks and that's not helpful when I'm lost.

Blogger Brookelina said...

This has been most educational. You should be a teacher Miss Kendra!

And I love Natalie Dee. But you knew that already.

Blogger Tel said...

I'm good with directions. I can make it from the Burbank airport to downtown LA, as well as to/from LAX.

But put me in Commerce, by way of Long Beach and ask me to get to LAX?


Blogger Lulu said...

I don't get lost anymore because my car has a compass. However, I need to leave breadcrumbs when I enter a shopping mall, because I always get lost in there.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Why are you so down on yourself lately, Kendra?

You've overcome more in a few months than a lot of whiny crybabies deal with in their whole lives. And you're plucky! And spunky! And vivacious!

You'll find a fab new job, and things will smooth out, and you'll leave all your pain and worries behind.

Blogger Brookelina said...

And she has awesome boobies! Seriously. It's true.

Excuse me.

Blogger FRITZ said...

Holy Shit, that's funny. But terrible, I mean. But really funny. Mostly because I identify completely. What, like GPS is installed in my head? No! So don't TELL me to 'turn east on Ridgeview Road'. Tell me to turn fucking left or right.

Bullocks to directions! Bullocks, I say!

Blogger me said...

to get a new job, you should probably just pull a sharon stone in you know, that movie where she pulled a sharon stone?

yea... who could deny you that?

and i could totally get lost in a paper bag unless i have a map and a red marker and i walk REALLY slowly... i can't drive

Blogger Sleepless in Bis said...

I am pretty good with direction, but don't ask me to tell you where I Parked my car in Target parking lot. It takes my 10 minutes to find my way, it never fails.

Blogger Quirkalot said...

Buy a little compass at the Dollar Store, some double-stick tape, and you'll have car as technologically advanced as one might need to navigate around your city.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

I don't really have that problem. I'm cardinally oriented at all times.

Couldn't divide 2 from 4 if I had a calculator, but I can always tell you which way North is.

Blogger Annika said...

Finding the ocean is overrated. I've lived here for four years, and was in the midwest for several before that, and I still believe implicitly that oceans are east of wherever I happen to be. Stupid Atlantic, setting my excpectations askew. Stupid Pacific, for being in the wrong place.

Blogger said...

Don't feel bad. I could have a damn compass in my hand and still manage to get lost.

It's a curse.

Blogger miss kendra said...

veaj: thanks…but imagine the possibilities if i were pretty and could find my way from point a to point b?

sassy: that’s part of my problem. i look at landmarks and passersby instead of street names and freeway exits. i need a driver.

jiggs:thank you for this male validation.

brooke: now you know your way around LA. you’re prepared. do you also read toothpaste for dinner? that’s her husband.

tel: there’s a way from Burbank to downtown? well i’ll be. LAX is hard to miss, but i wouldn’t put it past me.

lulu: i would just eat them. i’m predictable like that.

ubermilf: i don’t know. i’m moody lately. i don’t think i’ve been called plucky before. i’m trying. thank you.

brooke: *blush*

spinning girl: maybe i’m an idiot savant? i have been known to stick my hands down my pants.

fritz: seriously! where the hell is east????? i barely know left and right.

me: you mean i should kill people with an icepick and then show the cops my cooter? probably not gonna happen.

i might be willing to marry a mobster and then wear fancy dresses near the slot machines every night.

sleepless: try to park near a pole or something, and then take a picture of it with your cell phone. that’s what i do to remember where i am.

kady’s pet: a dollar store compass will get me nowhere, i imagine. i would certainly find the ocean when i drove into it.

acw: did you ever see that movie, north? i tried to get it on netflix but they don’t have it. man, i liked that movie. it made no sense.

annika: it took me a while to figure out that my expectations were skewed from being near the atlantic. you said it. stupid oceans. big salty bitches.

melissa: we should all get seeing eye dogs to guide us home.

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

Back home directions went like this..."Turn left at the bicentennial water pump, and continue until you see the red painted rock..." so North? South? You got me hanging...

And don't trust the jackasses at Mapquest either. They will take you down roads that don't exist.

Fingers crossed for the new job.

Blogger jiggs said...

i enjoy validating you. I wish I could validate you all night long.

all night long.
all night. all night.
all night long.
all night. all night.

Blogger Egan said...

This reminds me of an episode of The O.C. I saw a few weeks ago. Seth missed his college interview because he was busy doing stuff. Water = west.

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