March 08, 2006
miss kendra in wonderland

”in another moment down went alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.”

ubie wants to know into what sort of rabbit hole i would fall.

first of all, it would be lined in apple green velvet. and there would be lights shaped like stars all the way down. also probably a little door on the side to the bathroom, because i never manage to make it through a long trip without at least one stop.

then when i got to the bottom there would be animals everywhere for me to play with and no matter how much i squeezed them or rubbed their bellies they would never ever bite my face. there would be kitties and a river full of otters, and big dogs, and a yorkie named wickett, and a horse because i always wanted to be calamity jane, and sign language monkeys with perfect grammar. because everyone would have perfect grammar.

there would be plates of cookies and rice krispie treats and delicious platters of sushi and burgers that do not make you fat. there would be endless libraries at my disposal, and when i wanted to make something pretty, a neon light (vegas style) would shine me in to a room filled with glitter and yarn and vintage fabrics and googlie eyes. and i would never have to clean up after myself because there would be no mess. and everything i made would be just the way i pictured it in my head because the gnomes would be helping. my martini glass would NEVER GET EMPTY.

i would have a giant bed, a whole room of bed covered in 5000 thread count sheets and i would always be able to sleep when i wanted to and not miss anything.

and there would be an italian restaurant that always served spaghetti and meatballs (my recipe), and instead of having The Princess Room be for “functions” it would be for real princesses. and if you weren’t already a princess, for a nominal fee you could go in the foyer (foy-yay) and they would have a big machine shaped like a rocket ship, and you could step inside and press some buttons for like green eyes and red hair maybe, and lights would flash and steam would shoot out and the rocket ship would go, “boop boop bleeeeeeep boop blip” and when you stepped out you would be a for real princess.

for real.

and then there would be racks and racks of beautiful dresses and they would all fit (even the ones cut on the bias) and you could change into a different one as many times as you wanted. i would wear red for breakfast and green for lunch and white for dinner. white would normally be for when there wasn’t any food around. except there would be no stains in my rabbit hole.

and everyone would read my blog. blogging would be my only job, besides looking pretty and testing the food to be sure it’s still good. which it would be. always.


Blogger Übermilf said...

I hope yours will be right next to mine, because I'd like to visit.

Blogger Libby said...

Dig it, Kendra :) although Jiggs looks a little lumpy, what with his Lohan arms and all.

Blogger FRITZ said...

I have changed my mind. I do not want to be a fat supermodel.

I want to go to your Wonderland. That's highly wonderful. What a wonderful Otherland.

I hope you will let me visit.
And Jiggs is quite well dressed.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Miss Kendra, why don't you make part of this true and just always dress as a princess?

Long gowns and tiaras and stuff.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Miz K, I always knew you are a princess, but JIGGS?! I think you're letting your infatuation get the better of you! But he does have a nice rack.

Blogger Nick said...

Princess Kendra is all about the plunging neckline.

Why do I know phrases like "plunging neckline"?

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Nick - why do I like power tools?!

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

I agree that jiggs has a nice rack, but I am sad to see that his dress does not better display his perfect breasts.

Blogger miss kendra said...

uber: i hope yours i right next door as well, because i'm almost positive yours will have cupcakes.

libby: it's not my fault. the machine made him that way.

fritz: you are welcome to stop by! we'll have plenty of food and martinis. and googlie eyes.

vj: i would, but i'd have to start my collection over.

monkeygurrl: he must have pressed the big boobs button. jiggs is like that.

nick: they're very flattering.
would you like me to make you a princess as well?

monkeygurrl: because you like to drill things? i dont' get it.

Blogger miss kendra said...

sassy: i figured being so new to the breast thing he might like a little modesty.

Blogger Jason said...

Great Blog!!!

Blogger jiggs said...

This is the best thing ever. If you don't mind, I'm going to post the picture you made on my blog.

Also, thanks for the great breasts. While I'm not as hot as you are, i would still totally do myself. Do you think that the machine would give me a better ass next time?

Libby is right, the machine did make me look kind of like lindsay lohan

It's probably good that you made my dress a little more modest because if it had as much cleavage as yours does, I would probably stand in front of a mirror and not be able to stop staring at myself.

Blogger CommonWombat said...

I want to step into the giant metal penis that turns you into a girl!

Not really... I wouldn't mind being a girl, but it would get counter-productive, what with all the standing around fondling my own breasts.

Blogger Nick said...

God yes, Kendra. I've always wanted to be a princess.

Blogger babyjewels said...

do you need an assistant? I could be that girl.

Blogger Lulu said...

If you invite me to your rabbit hole, I will invite you to mine.

Blogger miss kendra said...

jason: spam.

jiggs: you just have to press the booty button, dude. i'm glad you liked it. i LOVE it. i totally believed the princess thing to be true for many many years.

wombat: you would make a lovely woman. you have a girl face, i hear.

nick: on it.

jewels: in my secret rabbit hole world? or in this one? yes, and yes.

lulu: done! what's in yours?

Blogger marie said... sound delicious.

Blogger me said...

is there a mad hatter in your wonderland? because if there is, then i would like to visit, if this is okay.

also i hope the cheshire cat is there, as well as the Chocolate Monkey.

Blogger miss kendra said...

marie: you're a hag.

me: done and done.

Blogger Colleen said...

I like Miss Kendra dressing as a pirate!

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

You're hot and you're cool. Jiggs is sexy too...but you have him beat!

Blogger Princess LadyBug said...

Is it okay for other Princesses to visit? I would love to stop by. Your wonderland sounds lovely. And I LOVE your princess drawings. Do Jiggs & Nick make cute Princes as well as Princesses?

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

This is one of the best things I have read in a while.

I had many fantasies about the insides of things as a child. the rabbit hole was one of them. Also, X the Owl's house and Oscar's trash can.

In fact ...

You have inspired a blog post!

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