March 16, 2006
i was hypnotized by the jiggling booty

remember yesterday when i said i'd post the ebay stuff today?

i got sidetracked last night by a documentary on hookers, in which i learned that when i become too lazy to continue being a stripper (because, hello? all that ass-shaking for a mere dollar?), i will become a ho because it's really much easier. sure, sometimes it's cold out and all you get to wear is roll of medical gauze, but that medical gauze is totally holding all your guts in from the other night when you got stabbed for not wanting to put someone's balls in your mouth. so it's both fashionable AND practical!

also, i'm not really good at mathy stuff, but i'm pretty sure that 20 bucks for a blowjob is inadequate compensation. do i sense impending unionization? i know if i were a hooker (career goal? maybe.) i wouldn't even get in the car for 20 dollars. i might look at you for 35.

tonight i hope to attend stitch and bitch, so the ebay will be posted both here and actually on ebay over the weekend. you better go dig through your cushions because i sure have some weird crap to sell you. and someone better buy every last piece because i don't want to have to say i watched that film as a training video.



23 Comments:

Blogger Libby said...

I'm with you. I would charge no less than $100 for a BJ for two reasons.

1. I am very good at them. They are rare, though, and worth $100. At least.

2. I don't know where your dong has been. Unless you have a certified health certificate from your doctor or your wife or someone who sleeps with your dong on a regular basis, I am not putting that germ-infested trouser waesel into my mouth. Hells to the no.

And that's why. I am not funny today, holy damn.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I wudda been a great hooker. But since I hate people, generally, I just can't see giving them pleasure. Even for money.

Anonymous Cj said...

A friend of mine is an "escort". You would not believe some of the crazy stories she has to tell....

Blogger Übermilf said...

Maybe you could just become a pimpette? You could knit all of your hookers' clothes.

Blogger babyjewels said...

Stay off popo's corner. that bitch crazy.

Blogger Uccellina said...

Remind me to tell you stories sometime.

Blogger me said...

i'm still totally and utterly freaked out by the spider thing.

naked dancing behind glass. then they can't touch and pay more when you make them think they can touch but they really can't. ever.
i dunno... sell your eggs or something

Blogger miss kendra said...

libby: the hos taught me that everything gets a condom. even if you just want to put a finger wherever, wrap it. hos are vast caverns of knowledge.

monkeygurrl: i like you. let's be friends.

cj: i would believe them. i would like to hear them.

uber: it wouldn't take long. i could knit a scarf and just make them figure out how to tie it on.

jewels: i heard she had razors put in her gold teeth.

uccelina: yes please.

Blogger miss kendra said...

me:just you wait for the ebay. you will be pleasantly surprised.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

I was a hooker once. But it was on a rugby team so it doesn't count.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Speaking of "hookers", I *am* SnB-ing tonite. I have to stop by Bev Center first (aurgh) so I probably won't get there until 7:30. Which is okay, since the parking SUCKS before then anyway.

You?

Blogger miss kendra said...

acw: uh huh. sure. i totally believe you were on the rugby team. hookers usually are on their clients, so it makes sense.

monkeygurrl: i have another doc appt, but i hope to be at snb by eight.

Blogger jiggs said...

the hos are vast caverns... of knowledge

I'm constantly being hypnotized by the jiggling bootay. In fact, I take every possible opportunity to be hypnotized by the jiggling bootay.

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: thank goodness you read my comments. i thought that might have been wasted.

and the bootay was seriously jiggling.

in the middle of the street naked jiggling.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Y'know, whenever I'm around an area that's known for that action (Washington, Hollywood Blvd), I look fo da ho's, but I *never* see any!!! I drive slowly, saying (to myself), "Wah da hozzat?!"

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

Monkeygurrrrl, The Ho's don't hang on Hollywood Blvd since they made it all respectable and shit. If you want to see some, try that hotel across the street from Hollywood High on a weekend night (very late..you may have to find a sitter), or the one on Sunset at Formosa with the palm tree made of stone on the wall. I saw one there who's skirt was so short, you could see her Brazillian wax. There's always the sad little boy ho's on Santa Monica between La Brea and Highland. Sad because most of them are really junkies and sad because the ones in drag look prettier than me.

And I will totally buy your crap off eBay because I'm a sucker for crap...especially if it's cute and useless. Just don't charge me shipping out the wahzoo 'cause I live in the same town.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I want to be a phone sex girl. I have the voice for it, and I figure I can make cookie dough in my KitchenAid Mixer and tell them I'm doing my vibrator.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

(taking notes) Highland @ Sunset, and Santa Monica @ La Brea. 'Kay. Isn't there a Target up there? :)

Boy ho's make me sad, mostly. I'm evil enough to laff at Ms. K and her trevails, but not so much to laff at the boy ho's. Besides, they don't wear the short skirts. . . do they?

Blogger jiggs said...

I try very hard not to waste jokes about giant vaginas, regardless of who said them.

Blogger Thérèse said...

And here I was kind of hoping you'd be talking about YOUR jiggling booty...

Blogger miss kendra said...

monkeygurrl: i like to play the “hooker or crackwhore” game. it’s fun.

laurie ann: santa monica boulevard is the place to be for boy hookers. you can see them at all hours. ALL hours.

brooke: good plan. i thought about it, but i don’t like to talk to people because they bother me.

monkeygurrl: sometimes they do. oh yes. sometimes they do.

jiggs: you’re my hero. i have some particularly weird stuff for ebay that you might be interested in!

therese: just now i typed your name too fast and it came out threes. also, i generally try to keep my booty from jiggling.

Blogger jiggs said...

no sassafras! You must maximize your booty jiggling!

Post a Comment

<< Home

golden state