February 03, 2006
what snoo

so.

new doctor seems much better than old doctor, similar to how walking upright seems better than a ventral crawl. he actually listened (!!!) to what i had to say about my shoulder and neck pain, and here are his conclusions:

the reason my neck is still sore, and that i am having strange headaches at the base of my head is because is because i sprained my neck, and the soft tissues are still not relaxed and fully healed. of course i’m not explaining this exactly right, because, like many people, i am not a doctor, but still. you get the point.

as for my shoulder, which is really the biggest concern right now due to chronic and radiating pain, limited range of motion ,and episodic numbness (i sound like i’m on e.r. i need to intubate!)—all after 5 weeks—he is thinking i may have torn something, like my labrum or rotator cuff.

now i need to get some more imaging done (cause i'm a model you know what i mean, and i do my little turn on the catwalk), so that we can maybe see what all is going on in there. and then who knows? after all this bad crap, i’m due for some really good karma. i’m gonna win the lottery and buy myself a bionic shoulder. then maybe i’ll a cape so i can fight crime.

speaking of capes (huh?), tomorrow i will be driving to el cajon to meet valancy jane. we plan on listening to gwar and overdosing on cheap tar heroin. or we might be making valentines. with sequins! (i sicken myself.)

anyways, i'm telling you all this because though i'm reasonably sure she won't try to eat me, or use my skin as a lampshade, i just feel safer knowing the internets know where i am.

if she does try it though, you'll have good reading come monday.



46 Comments:

Blogger Annika said...

No one ever tries to use my skin as a lampshade. I am unloved.

Blogger Annika said...

Also, last night I was forced to eat delicious Indian food because my husband forgot that I said Thursdays were no good.

Blogger Thérèse said...

I'm so excited for you.

You don't even know.

Please take pictures of the carnage. Please please please.

Blogger HizzleThizzle said...

next wednesday, Im reading the phone book. Just for you :P

Blogger miss kendra said...

annika: come on over and i'll give it a try.

therese: of course! we might even try to telepathically cross the border.

hizzle: i. am. so. excited. i can barely breathe. *paper bag*

Blogger melissa.in.london said...

I'm jealous! I want VJ to make a skin lampshade out of me...Okay, maybe not. But I would make sequiney valentines with ya'll. Oh, wait. No I wouldn't.

But getting drunk sounds fun.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

DUDE! I'm totally stalking VJ these days! She is so freakin cute! And you're so freakin cute. Aurgh. There's going to be an unprecedented vortex of cuteness in el cajun - I don't think the east county can handle it!

Btw, is your new hoop-dee silver? I happened to notice one in the parking lot with paper plates. . .

Blogger HizzleThizzle said...

Dude, you are so hired.

Blogger miss kendra said...

melissa: drunk does sound fun... hmm....

monkeygurrl: it is indeedie. that was mine. it's lovely, isn't it? in a hugenormous sort of way?

hizzle: AWE. SOME.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Dude. All the lamps in my house have paper shades.

You would, however, make a lovely rug, the sort you could do very nasty things on.


What?


I WON'T or anything.

I'm just sayin'.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Oh, and MonkeyGurrl, come visit me too!

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

And Melissa, you too, of course, I just know how far it would be. But of course you'd be welcome.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Oh, what the hell.


*stands on podium*

Attention Internet.

Please come to my home.

Thank you.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

"chronic and radiating pain, limited range of motion ,and episodic numbness..."


I don't know, you do sound a lot like a doctor. I think you've just been slumming around with us commoners in the name of science. Or something.

Blogger miss kendra said...

vj: see, i know you claim you have no use for my skin, but really, i won't know till i get there. i would make an excellent rug though.

pants: i'm just parroting. like that time i told my pre-school teacher to go to hell and die.

Blogger miss kendra said...

jewels: i know. sequins would bring out the sparkle in my deadened eyes.

Blogger babyjewels said...

I always thought you'd make a nice vest, myself (with sequins!)

Blogger miss kendra said...

jewels:somehow i got on top of you. again.

Blogger Nick said...

I bet your flesh would make an admirable lampshade.

Blogger miss kendra said...

nick: thank you. i think my tattoos would really be accentuated by the light,

Blogger Übermilf said...

I'm worried about you. Can I adopt you and put you on my health insurance?

Blogger miss kendra said...

uber: YES! then i can be an uber too. uber miss? uber kendra? the bionic shoulder will really help with that you know.

Blogger Libby said...

I have no idea where Valancy Jane lives, but I would totally come rescue you if you started hearing her say things like "it rubs the lotion on the skin, or else it gets the hose again!"

:D

Blogger Brookelina said...

I'm very jealous that you are going to meet another woman.

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

Oooh! Oooh! How about a lampshade...WITH sequins? That would be totally hot.

VJ, I would love to come and infiltrate your "let's make stuff out of Kendra" party, but I am too far north. :(

Maybe you could send me a handbag or something? Perhaps from the left breast?

Blogger miss kendra said...

libby: am i allowed to say that? because i sometimes do. and by sometimes i mean often.

brooke: she means nothing to me. you're the only one!

sassy: the left one *is* slightly larger.

Blogger jiggs said...

I'm jealous of valency jane. I wanted to be the one to use you as a lampshade.

I'm too sexy for my blog.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Have a blast, and make me a valentine.

Blogger jiggs said...

AHHH! I"M COVERED IN SNOO! GET IT OFF!GET IT OFF!

STOP DROP AND ROLL!

Blogger Brookelina said...

You say that now, but wait until she charms you with her hands that have fingers and her perfectly shaped head. Then you'll forget all about me!

Blogger Nick said...

Jesus Brooke. Jiggs is covered in Snoo and all you can do is think about hands and fingers and what was I talking about?

Blogger karla said...

Rest assured, the internets always know where you are. I'm peeking in your window right now. Your hair is sticking up a little on the left, it's been bugging me for awhile now. Fix it.

Blogger Chauncey Gardiner said...

Oh my, I do hope you are feeling better soon.

I must be going. (I am being stalked by Ms Milf)

Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

I was here...

love
kilroy

Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

I worry about you my princess

Blogger Thérèse said...

So. Totally waiting to hear about the weekend.

*waits*

Blogger melissa.in.london said...

I can't believe I missed the comments inviting me this weekend. I could've jumped in my car and driven the 27 hours to get there, drank awhile, and then drove the 27 back. Oh, wait. There's only 48 hours in a weekend. Damn.

Thanks for the invite. :)

Blogger Monkey said...

Intubate!

Jiggs is covered in Snooooo. Should we intubate him?

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: next time i shed my skin (rough calculations make me want to say march) i will send it to you.

spinning girl: i did! it’s lovely. i want to frame it on my wall.

jiggs: maybe if you would stop yanking on it the snoo would stop flowing. just a suggestion.

brooke: she did have some fingers. like 35 of them. but even if she had had only ten, i could never forget about you!

nick: i’ll wait till you get back. any time now.

karla: is that better? the left side never cooperates. that’s why i have to punish it.
chauncey gardiner: she’s going to find you eventually. just give up.
kilroy: YAY!

bill: come rescue me you jerk. maybe if you weren’t so busy waxing your chest…

therese: i’ll get to it. geez. i’m still trying to get all the snoo out of my hair.

Melissa: 27 hours? bull. you could have made. if you really wanted to. *sniff*

monkey: he’s just looking for attention. that’s all his snoo, you know. but sure. you bring the tubey stuff and i’ll go find some gloves. intubate!

Blogger melissa.in.london said...

(hangs head in shame)

Damn me and my non-rocket-propelled car.

(deep sigh)

Blogger Monkey said...

It's all his? Good Lord he's productive.

Blogger miss kendra said...

melissa: rocket shmocket! just do some meth and run, baby!

monkey: it's freakish, really.

Blogger miss kendra said...

acw: you have no idea.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

You know it's time to leave when she says, "It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again."

Blogger jiggs said...

I bandaged up my snoo hole.

Blogger Michael Tyas said...

Miss Kendra, you're hilarious. Why didn't we meet when I was living in LA? Where were you, among the throngs of uninterested people, when I needed you the most?

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