February 21, 2006
they tell me the devil is a good looking man

once upon a time there was a painfully beautiful princess named kissmendra. she had a fabulous rack, great shoes and moderate internet fame, but alas, it was not enough. she was lonely. kissmendra needed something to care for. something small, something soft, and definitely something orange. so she brought into her castle a gorgeous creature called julius boon.

what kissmendra did not know was that julius boon was suffering from a terrible ailment when they met. it made him behave in ways he could not control- he just was not himself. it was like a fairy tale- once she took him home and loved him, the spell would be broken.

and indeed it was. after several weeks of tender care and medicinal treatment, he felt well enough to reveal his true self. he had been sleepy and snuggley and purry and sweet. kissmendra had taken home dr. julius, and was now stuck with mr. boon.


julius boon hates me. every time i try to pet him a little he bites me till my bones cry. he bites me while i’m sitting, he bites me while i’m walking by, he bites me while i’m sleeping. so far he has bitten my hands, wrists, arms, feet, and face. my face! he sits between the shower curtain and its clear liner and tries to claw my legs while i’m washing. he does not allow me to sleep. his glowing evil eyes keep me up at night.


a crappy cell phone picture from the good old days, when our love was new.

Boy has suggested that were he to find himself in a wonderful and different home (possibly for wayward youth) i could get the rats i have always wanted, and frankly, this is not sounding like a bad idea.

please help me. i want to love him, he just won’t let me.



34 Comments:

Blogger Thérèse said...

Oh, kissmendra.

It is a difficult thing to experience what at first appears to be unrequited love.

Maybe he just doesn't know how to express his love. He is male, after all, some of them have a hard time with that.

Blogger nefarious said...

dun worry, its probaly jus a phase he's goin thru- mebbe he's jus been a bad mood lately n he's takin it all out on u....

Blogger xt said...

Darling, I had the same problem with my now dearly-departed (and orange) kitty cat, Teacup. We eventually came to a uneasy truce after several years. I finally just gave up on trying to carry her around like a baby and smothering her with kisses. Once i left her alone, she finally came around and ALMOST liked me. Hang in there. And maybe let julius boon come to you.

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

It is very trying when kittens attack. It sounds as though, for one reason or another, Julius Boon no longer feels as

safe as he used to.
This is a very good article on Feline

Aggression
. It has quite a few useful suggestions on diagnosing why the symptoms occur and how to help prevent and

work through the aggression.
Email me if you want to discuss in greater detail. Two of our three cats used to have biting “issues”.

Blogger Paisley said...

My sister had an orange cat that was insane. He would lay on your lap and knead you and then he would try to decapitate you the next second, purring all the while. I have tons of scars on my hands from "play" time.

She finally let him outside and he was much nicer. Perhaps your cat needs more "alone time"?

The visual of your cat attacking you while you are in the shower is priceless. Well, for me anyways ;)

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

My apologies for the whiggity whack formatting. Stupid copy/paste.

Blogger Danny said...

hi


can't i just say 'hi' without reprocutions?

Blogger miss kendra said...

therese: he doesn’t love me. he loves when i feed him and the rest of the time he is ufc champion of the world.

nefarious: i hope so. some mood though. he needs therapy.

xt: believe me, i don’t try to carry him around or anything because i fear for my life. i only try to touch him when he jumps in my lap… then he attacks. entrapment, if i’ve ever seen it. i hope he can learn to almost like me. then it will be like all myother relationships.

sassy: i will read this article to him before bedtime. then i will email you when he carves out “i can’t read” in my thigh.

paisley: he gets plenty of alone time when he burrows in my shoes in the closet. your sister’s cat sounds like a relative. a violently insane relative. all in all, normal!

sassy: no worries. i love you for your content, not your design.

danny: of course you can. hi!

Blogger Übermilf said...

What are reprocutions? Are they like electrocutions? Because I'd like a couple.

Blogger melissa.in.london said...

that's how it always goes. lovey-dovey at first, then comes the abuse.

maybe you can get him some counseling.

or um. dunno. i'm tapped kissmendra. shouldn't his name be bulius joon if the princess' name is kissmendra? :D

Blogger jiggs said...

This post made me a little sad. But then I remembered that I have a cold dark heart that cannot feel. YAY!

Blogger Danny said...

so what if I can't spell ubes. jeez

Blogger miss kendra said...

ubie: pay attention to me! aaaaahhhhh!

melissa: you say that like i made the names up or something.

jiggs: i wish my heart was cold and dead. then he could chew it and i wouldn't even care.

danny: my blog is about me! i don't care if you can spell! me me me!

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Damn, I feel your pain. My male cat is just like that - except he's never been particularly affectionate. If I'm scritching him, and he's enjoying it, he will inevitably take a chunk o' skin off.

I definitely think it's a male thing.

Was wondering about the "reprocutions" as well, UM. I'm glad YOU asked!

Blogger Danny said...

I have to say that there isn't enough talking about miss kendra on miss kendra's blog. I'd like to propose, on behalf of miss kendra, that miss kendra posts more about herself, and that all comments made in miss kendra's blog, are directed towards the following:

Miss Kendra
Miss Kendra's wardrobe
(not to be confused with the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe)
Miss Kendra's shoulder
Miss Kendra's neck
Miss Kendra's obbession with feet
Miss Kendra's scrotum
Miss Kendra's posts
and finally, Miss Kendra's tits.

thank you.

Blogger miss kendra said...

monkeygurrl: don't they know who we are?????

danny: perfect.

Blogger Danny said...

everything I do, I do it for miss kendra

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Miss K - You gotta scrotum?! Ya can't even tell!!

Or should that be "Miss Kendra's scrotum COLLECTION"?!?!

Blogger miss kendra said...

danny: as you should. the world would be a better place if only everyone thought like you.

monkeygurrl: i have one of everything in the chest under my bed.

Blogger jiggs said...

Can I chew on your heart should it turn cold and dead?

Blogger Tel said...

Orange kitties, by nature, are all ev-illll, like the de-villl. My friend has an orange cat that hisses and growls at the site of me.

I agree with XT. Ignore him until he comes to you. Some kitties just don't like the attention.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

How old is he? It sounds like something he might grow out of. Maximus wasn't easy to live with until he was about 2, 2 1/2 years old. I've heard a lot of similar cases.

I'm sorry he hurts you. Have you tried lots of playtime, with toys (the kind that look like fishing polls) to let him get some of his aggression out on a moving object?

Blogger Moe said...

Your scrotum is not noticeable AT ALL (staring at the ceiling) - I read an internet article once about how drag queens, um, tape it up. I found it fascinating.

If Boon was a puppy I would have some unreliable advice. Sophie was a biting machine for about the first year or so. Puppies are generally jerks, it must be a survival/evolutionary tactic to be so cute. Now the biting is down to a dull knaw (sp?). Except when over-stimulated by sticks, other dogs, random passersby or leaves (then she is a raving lunatic on meth who wants to rip off my parka with her teeth).

That said, every cat we ever had/rescued while I was growing up was: 1)male 2)separated from his mommy too soon and 3) a complete arsehole who would attack without provocation. My dad was the only one they adored. He completely ignored them. xt may have a point...or maybe little Boon just needs more time to mature, and wearing him out might help (works for pups).

So hard when they are adorable though. Hang in there.

Blogger ladylinoleum said...

Hmmmm, he's feral yes? He'll probably mellow with age. I've got kitty with issues too. I love her, but there are times when I just want to run screaming into the night. And so it goes.

Blogger Beeb said...

It is a strange situation you are in but I have seen this oddity among horses too....

...you rescue them and they are peaches, you then fatten them up and suddenly they are bastards. Why is this?

My hubby suggests keeping the cat and get rats too... hey at least, the cat will be biting the rats instead of you. (He rhymes- that's why I married him!)

What does Pickles have to say about all this?

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Oh, poor puss puss...
I think that is just how he asks for love.
I want a kitty!
Not yours though ... heh heh ... I'll got to the shelter thanx

Blogger CommonWombat said...

I assume he's fixed, but if by chance he isn't get him fixed. That will really mellow a male cat out.

As for rats, Sal had a several rats when she was little, and she has nothing but good things to say about them as pets.

I'll post soon! Don't stop loving me, for I am adorable.

Blogger Tim said...

bite back

Blogger Übermilf said...

Maybe we should introduce him to Miss Pees On My Bed.

Gee, why would Ubermilf be up at 4 a.m.?

We need a SuperNanny for cats.

Blogger babyjewels said...

I have no advice. May we see more of this rack you speak of?

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: of course. i would be flattered. there’s salt and pepper on the table if you need it.

tel: i had an orange kitty before who was sweet and lovely. though redheads do tend to be horrid. he’s very hard to ignore though, always flaunting his cuteness right in my face.

valancy jane: he’s 1.5-2 i think. i will try more playtime, but mostly i’m just scared. last night he bit my eyebrow.

moe: cats always love dads who hate them. if only i could be a dad.

ladylinoleum: i hope he mellows. he’s quite pungent of personality these days.

beeb: Boy says no more pets till we have more space. i guess he’s right. *weep*

pickles says, “cat? what cat?”

spinning girl: i don’t blame you.

wombat: he’s neutered, but still broken. as for rats, pet store rats are feeders and so not very friendly, but a hand raised rat is very sweet and social. plus, so cute!
i won’t really stop loving you. it was an empty threat.

tim: i’m not putting my face near him these days. it’s risky. but you are welcome to come over and try it.

ubermilf: i’m sorry you’re up late. could you close her out of the bedroom?

jewels: you know where to look.

Blogger jiggs said...

YES!

Blogger TinaPoPo said...

Maybe you should write a song for Julius Boon, and play it for him. You could even find someone to accompany you on the guitar, while your melodious voice recanted the many ways and reasons that you love JB. If he still bites you after that, well...he has a heart of steel.

Blogger me said...

my little bastard is similar, although he is gray and white and not a year yet.

he loves to sleep. and when he is not sleeping he is staring at me intently or attacking me with his teeth and claws. he still keeps me away at night as he "kneeds" at my flesh. br hates him.

we had him fixed. nada. i believe he needs more space and a "fried" to keep him off my back. so i play with him HARD CORE, like throwing a mouse AWAY from me so he goes after it and not my precious skin. as for julius boon? um. no more attention. just throw furry things at him.

okay? and wear long sleeves so people don't think "other" things about your... battle scars.

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