once upon a time there was a painfully beautiful princess named kissmendra. she had a fabulous rack, great shoes and moderate internet fame, but alas, it was not enough. she was lonely. kissmendra needed something to care for. something small, something soft, and definitely something orange. so she brought into her castle a gorgeous creature called julius boon.
what kissmendra did not know was that julius boon was suffering from a terrible ailment when they met. it made him behave in ways he could not control- he just was not himself. it was like a fairy tale- once she took him home and loved him, the spell would be broken.
and indeed it was. after several weeks of tender care and medicinal treatment, he felt well enough to reveal his true self. he had been sleepy and snuggley and purry and sweet. kissmendra had taken home dr. julius, and was now stuck with mr. boon.
julius boon hates me. every time i try to pet him a little he bites me till my bones cry. he bites me while i’m sitting, he bites me while i’m walking by, he bites me while i’m sleeping. so far he has bitten my hands, wrists, arms, feet, and face. my face! he sits between the shower curtain and its clear liner and tries to claw my legs while i’m washing. he does not allow me to sleep. his glowing evil eyes keep me up at night.
a crappy cell phone picture from the good old days, when our love was new.
Boy has suggested that were he to find himself in a wonderful and different home (possibly for wayward youth) i could get the rats i have always wanted, and frankly, this is not sounding like a bad idea.
please help me. i want to love him, he just won’t let me.