February 17, 2006
new and improved! *update*

just in case you hadn't noticed, when completing my johari window no one has yet chosen the words mature, modest, sensible, quiet, or dignified. i wonder why.


last night "someone" may or may not have fallen up the stairs at stich n bitch.

and "someone's" humiliation may or may not have been witnessed by a group of say, 8 knitters and 13 strangers, all asian, in case you were wondering.

and it may or may not have really fucking hurt.

which is why today i would like to introduce two new features here at *golden state*.

in the grand tradition of factories and construction sites everywhere, i now have a “days since the last accident” ticker.



this is what it would look like if i could make it show up on my black background.*

please note that it is a black cat. it is supposed to be funny.

and since clearly i am accursed, i have decided to seek professional attention. i’m thinking some sort of aura/karma/energy cleanse will not only provide me with excellent bloggery, but also maybe help rid me of evil. i was googling to that effect, and everyone i came across seemed to be a braless hippy freak named mother moon.. while i find that rather distasteful, i will accept it under the condition that mother moon cleanses the hell out of me before a fuselage falls on my head.

and so in the grand tradition of cheapskates and opportunists every where, i present:







*if anyone knows how to do that, or where i can build one that will, please share.



42 Comments:

Anonymous Ouch! said...

That looks broken!

Blogger at the Lake said...

ice & stiff drink & rest

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

MAN, I love your donation site!!! Hey, if you're interested, I know a person who is completely prepared and at peace with what will be happening to her body during her first experience with childbirth. Maybe she can give you a few pointers.

Blogger babyjewels said...

I was totally ready to paypal you something. Would you like a piece of poorly made jewerly instead?

Blogger ladylinoleum said...

You fell again girl??? Poor thing...

Hey on a lighter note, I called the head of HR here and complained that no one had called you for an interview. So, I resent your resume and hopefully we'll get some movement now. Hang in there!

Blogger miss kendra said...

ouch: indeed it does.

lake: stiff drink sounds like a good idea.

monkeygurrl: maybe she can.

jewels: i'm actually really curious to see how many people would contribute to my hippie cleanse. and sure! i love gifts!

Blogger miss kendra said...

lady linoleum: i know! what the hell is wrong with me!

thank you for your help with all that. i will make you the baked good of your choice.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I have extensive humiliation experience. I once ate shit in front of our CEO. I wanted to die.

I've considered doing a "days since I got laid" ticker on my blog but have it listed in my cellphone under the countdown function. It's been a long time, baby.

I had a karma cleansing type thing done during Christmas. My sister arranged it, she knows a lot of earthy folk. Want me to ask if she knows anyone in the LA area who does that?

Too bad you don't have paypall setup, I was going to try and send you paypall Skittles. Wait. Can you eat Skittles?

My comment is not nearly long enough.

Blogger miss kendra said...

pants: i'm pretty sure i have experienced work humiliation fully.

if she knows someone, that would be cool.

skittles do not kill me, but i find that i have a threshold for them. if i pass it, i get gummytummy.

Blogger Brookelina said...

It hurts me when you hurt yourself. I feel your pain. Ow.

And you should know that I am braless right now. I'm just sayin...

Blogger miss kendra said...

brooke: but do you stink of patchouli and refer to yourself as goddess raven moon?

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I think I was twelve the last time I was braless. Sigh.

Blogger ladylinoleum said...

Okay, just saw the email. They will be calling you.

Blogger Libby said...

I've heard canes and wheelchairs may prohibit you from falling. Although falling with a cane presents a whole new problem...

I'm sending my good karma (what's left of it) down your way. Knowing my luck, it will miss and end up in Phoenix somewhere...

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

If it makes you feel any better, I spilled hot tea on myself yesterday...then diet coke...then coffee...really. It was not one of my most graceful days, it's true.
But my pants got over the spills rather quickly. Your poor little toe looks incredibly angry. :(

On the upside, if a fuselage falls on your head, there is always a chance that Naveen Andrews or Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje would be in it. (Clive Owen and Dave Grohl didn't get cast for Lost, so that is the best I can do for now.)

Blogger miss kendra said...

monkeygurrl: i've worn a bra since i was almost eleven.

lady l: *dancing*

libby: i need one of those hamster bubbles.

Blogger Beeb said...

geez, girl! remember that time i asked you to go bike riding with me many moons ago?


i'm glad you said no.

Blogger jiggs said...

Is that sort of cleansing painful? It seems like it might make you want to pee really badly.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I didn't choose those adjectives because others were better, and I can't tell if you are quiet from your writing.

Sorry about your toe, ya big klutz. :)

Blogger miss kendra said...

beeb: i know. as a close and personal friend, you're lucky you've lasted this long.

jiggs: it's possible. i've also been thinking of a colonic. just for shits and giggles. and shits.

spinnerina: i'm pretty sure no one chose quiet because they don't want to lie.

as for the rest of them, well, probably lies too.

Blogger Calzone said...

I'm certified to give colonics

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

Ouch! Did you get that "this hurts so bad I want to throw up" pain? I break my baby toes at least twice a year (I hate shoes indoors), and I broke that same toe (only on my foot) last summer. Each time I've wanted to vomit and pass out from the pain.
They will laugh your ass out of a doctor's office, though, so just tape it to the next toe and wait for the throbbing to subside.

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

That should read "only on MY foot, as opposed to Kendra's foot" lest anyone think I'm a moron that doesn't realize it was a picture of your foot.

Blogger fatwonkkid said...

HA. Several weeks ago, I read about you filling down stairs. You have now graduated to super clutz since you now are able to fall up stairs!

Blogger babyjewels said...

send me your address. Wow, that sounds ominous.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I smell like stinky feet and refer to myself as "Kendra's bitch."

Blogger miss kendra said...

calzone: i bet you are. i'll wait till you get here.

laurie ann: yep. i used to always wear steel toed boots because i am rather prone to toe smashage.

fatwonkidd: you're just jealous.

jewels: i hope it is!

brooke: that's right.

Blogger Sally W said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger Sally W said...

If the universe did start with a bang - when God loved and the angels sang - one of the sparks that flew - chased time to become you :) xaNax

Blogger GrandPooOfAwesome said...

I think it's hot when girls are clumsy.

Blogger karla said...

I don't know if there's a cure for clumsiness, but may I recommend laying off the booze? That helps.

Blogger jiggs said...

giggles and shits and shits and shits

Blogger miss kendra said...

sally: get lost, bitch! don't come here and say nice things about me just to peddle your wares! only i can peddle wares here!

poof: i am very pleased.

karla: but then how would i make the shaking stop? and what would i use to get the crack taste out of my mouth?

jiggs: you are right in so many ways.

Blogger ass2006 said...

Hi, a nice blog you have here. You will surely get an bookmark :) phentermine

Blogger Thérèse said...

My dear miss kendra, you have the cutest little feetsies.

Blogger Fred said...

wow, you poor little tootsies. pack it in ice and down some bourbon. then get your foot seen to.

Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

How exactly do you fall UP the stairs?

Blogger Jess Riley said...

I have sympathy toe pain for you.

Blogger jiggs said...

giggles and shits and shits and shits ought to be the name of a laxative/nitrous oxide combo.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Are you doing any better?

Blogger miss kendra said...

rez: even when they're black like that?

fred (and ocho): bourbon seems to be the way to go. ocho!

armaedes: it's so easy. just pretend to be me and ther est will happen naturally.

jess riley: i'm sorry to hear that, but thank you.

jiggs: i don't know if there's much market for that, but i'd try it once.

ubie: i got some sleep finally this weekend (i heart ambien) and mostly laid around. i'm trying!

Blogger Thérèse said...

I can see past the black. I can see past the ouchies.

I see potential.

And I wince in sympathy.

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