February 14, 2006
all your hearts are belong to me!

you are all my valentines. there is no escape.

clive owen is also my valentine, though he may claim no knowledge of this fact.

the other night i dreamt i crocheted a giant yellow sock for no apparent reason. later i chased clive down at the oscars. he was wearing an ice cream suit, complete with white suspenders. i know this sounds odd, but doubt ye not- he was magnificent.

when i finally caught up with him, i handed him the sock and he slung it coolly over his shoulder. then he put his hand at the base of my head (!) and pulled me to him and kissed me. i remember thinking, “i’ve been asleep for hours. i wish i could brush my teeth.”

he stopped only to look me in the eyes, then kissed me again. apparently clive has no problem with sleepmouth.

brilliant as i am, i said the only thing i could think of.


then i fell down and he dragged me across the theater.

you're probably thinking, "a valentine's post by miss kendra should probably involve Boy." and you know what, you're right.

attention Boy: this was just a dream. please disregard large quantities of yellow yarn purchased sunday morning and the coincidental proximity in date and location of the upcoming oscar ceremony. thank you.


Blogger CommonWombat said...

If you're going to fool around with someone in your subconcious, Clive Owen is a good choice. I might not even kick him out of bed.

When you go to sleep tonight, Clive Owen will meet you, and demand the other sock.

Blogger Krystle said...

Okay what I want to know is why the hell weren't you licking the ice cream off that scrumptious man??!

Blogger melissa.in.london said...


You fell down?

That isn't a dream. It MUST be real! It's so...so...you!

Blogger melissa.in.london said...


You fell down?

That isn't a dream. It MUST be real! It's so...so...you!

Blogger miss kendra said...

wombat: Boy agrees that he's a good choice, mostly because he's generally villanous and called julia roberts a slag.

krystle: i'm allergic to ice cream even in my dreams. but an ice cream suit is actual ice cream. it's like a white/pastel suit like an ice cream man would have worn.

this was a good question though... if it were actual ice cream, would i have risked the consequences for him?

and have to say no, which surprises me.

the man's rich though, he's got to have someone who could wipe him down for me.

Blogger miss kendra said...

melissa: i know. i know.

Blogger Libby said...

Move to Seattle. Then Boy would not have to worry about proximity of Clive.

Thank you.

Blogger Tel said...

Kendra + ice cream does not = a happy tummy.

Clive Owen is delicious. I bet you could eat him without those gastric problems the ice cream gives you.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Clive Owen is MY man, beeyatch, so you best just back off. Even in your dreams. And while we're at it, stay away from Johnny Depp and Nick Cage.

And Julia Roberts *is* a slag (whatever that is).

Blogger miss kendra said...

libby: good point. i will relay the information (or delete it immediately.)

tel: it's true. but i wouldn't eat him... i would probably just stare and sniff him a little.

monkeygurrl: wrong. he's mine. you can have the rest. he's the only one for me.

slag defined

Blogger jiggs said...

I have been trying all day to come here and wish you a happy valentine's day. Things keep getting in my way. DAMN THINGS!

Happy VD!

I'm jealous of boy and of Clive Owen.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Yup. She's definitely a slag. You, on the other hand, have Boy, as well as your legion of ether-minion. Clive is mine.

Blogger Danny said...

I used to have dreams...now I live a nightmare.

Blogger Monkey said...

I thought that yellow sock was a banana and your dream suddenly became very exciting for me. I liked that it was the size of the average four year old child.

Blogger Beeb said...

four year olds scare me.

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: i'm jealous of clive, for pete's sake. the man is magnificent! magnificent!!!! thank you for your vd wishes.

monkeygurrl: i'm sorry, but you too have a boy of your own. i heart clive with the love of a million superficial women.

danny: i called your mother and your wife.

monkey: i like to cater to the average folk.

beeb: rightly so.

Blogger Thérèse said...


Ah Clive Owen. So... dreamy.

Ah ice cream. So... creamy.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Miss Kendra,

I need a slipcover for my sofa.

thank you.

Blogger TinaPoPo said...

Nothing -- and I mean nothing -- says romance and lust like an oversized crocheted yellow sock. Seriously, it's like in ALL the best dream books. What, you don't believe me?

Blogger miss kendra said...

therese: clive is the definition of dreamy.

uber: are you asking me to make you one?

tinapopo: i totally believe you. you have a lot of time to read between your hobo clients.

Blogger Monkey said...

If you are taking orders, I would like some banana hued pillow cases. Thank you.

P.S. can you make them banana flavored too?

Blogger Thérèse said...

Well... yes. See, that's why you were dreaming about him.

Blogger miss kendra said...

monkey: you may be joking, but i am so on this.

therese: i can't look into this too deeply, or i might have to move to seattle for my own protection.

Blogger babyjewels said...

Clive Owen is gonna put that sock on his penis and ask if you like bananas. Say Yes!

Blogger Laurie Ann said...

mmmm...Clive. Was he a good kisser? Was his Ice Cream truck parked outside with the limos? I live near the Kodak if you feel like stalking...just a thought.

Blogger Brookelina said...


Blogger Spinning Girl said...

That is beautiful, man.

Blogger Dancinfairy said...

Clive Owen "Swoon". It's the only thing that should be said!

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

This is funny. The first time Mr. Sassy ever had flowers delivered to me, the card said:

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
All my base are
Belong to you.

We are dork love at its finest.

Post a Comment

<< Home

golden state