January 05, 2006
practice makes perfect

behold the neck!

today is day one of miss kendra minus cervical collar. and may i say ouch. thank you.

in other news, i was inadvertantly tagged for three memes today. so i have done them all, but deleted any repetetive questions. this is how i will practice my "better blogging." you know, the kind without misery and relentless hatred for the world as a whole.


jenla demanded an avatar of ugly. while i was tempted to show them she who is known only as the beast, i figured maybe i should try anew. so i did.

that's a whole lot of ugly.

then monkeygurrrl hit me with:

two names you go by
1. miss kendra
2. she of magnificent light and beauty

two parts of your heritage
1. crazy
2. drunk

two things that scare you
1. growing up to be crazy or drunk on a permanent basis. i’ve already screwed that up a little.
2. flavor flav’s grill

two things you are wearing right now.
1. red cardigan with sparklie buttons
2. bettie shoes. and yes, i do think four inch heels are totally work appropriate.

two of your favorite bands or musical artists (*right* now – subject to change in the next 5 minutes)
1. rolling stones
2. rachel yamagata

two things you want in a relationship:
1. trust
2. good great amazing unparalleled crazed monkey sex

two truths
1. bad things happen to me a lot.
2. trix are for kids.

and by way of tinapopo, spinning girl, and some lovely others...

[A is for age:]
25. that’s halfway to fifty. i’m almost dead. seriously.

[B is for booze of choice]
vodka or coconut rum in crystal light. only because morphine, while a liquid, tastes like doo.

[C is for career]
i have no career. i have a job. a crap one. other than that, i have recently found myself knitting, sewing, and stimulating the genitals of tiny kittens.

[D is for your dog's name:]
worldwide pickles! zeke mcpickles! pickles-san! el pickleso! nipples!

[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
diet coke, contacts or glasses, clothes (maybe), crack cocaine, sarcasm, mortar to strengthen the wall surrounding my cold dead heart.

[F is for favorite song at the moment:]
i honestly don’t know, but “paint it black” is stuck in my head.

[G is for favorite games:]
the one with the safe word

[H is for hometown:]
i have no hometown. i moved quite often. my parents live on the the north shore of massachusetts.

[I is for instruments you play:]
i used to play the piano...some saxophone, some guitar. mostly people. i play them like fiddlesticks. or jacks, if jaks wasn’t the worst game ever.

[J is for jam or jelly you like]
welch’s grape. sometimes. and i would totally like strawberry if someone picked out all the seeds.

[K is for kids?:]
two, pickles-san, and julius boon. that’s right. he has a first name now. he told me when i was all sloppy on vicodin and i totally believe him. i have to- he had a knife.

[L is for last kiss?:]
on the shoulder this morning, as Boy leaves for work whilst i lay sleeping.

[M is for most admired trait:]
i’m tall? does this mean the trait i have or the trait i admire? because i admire the ability to use one’s left shoulder.

[N is for name of your crush:]
julius boon, suckas! he’s mad hot.

[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
i got lead poisoning as a kid and was in an oxygen tent. this could explain a lot of things. also, i once got my head cracked open with a tire chain. cuz i’m a brawler.

[P is for phobias:]
spiders. this is not to be used against me at anytime, for fear of retaliation. so don't forget boon has a knife.

[Q is for quotes you like:]
this could take all day. sometime i will make a post of clever words other people like to use because i am neurotic (a little) and i collect them like the little jewels of discarded celebrity chewing gum that is later sold on ebay. except words have less value on ebay. in the mean time, this is what came to mind:

by the time you swear you're his,
shivering and sighing,
and he vows his passion is
infinite, undying -
lady, make a note of this:
one of you is lying.

-dorothy parker

[R is for biggest regret:]
i don’t really have any. not asking for more vicodin?

[S is for sweets of your choice:]
animal crackers, tofutti cuties, the meaty insides of Boy’s mouth (good with merlot)

[T is for time you wake up:]
6:45 to walk pickles

[U is for underwear:]
yes! hurrah! i am wearing some today! it must be a holiday. they are black boyshorts.

[V is for vegetables you love:]
green beans, broccoli, cucumbers, green peppers, asparagus, squash (all colors and types), brussel sprouts, fiddleheads, zucchini, onion, tomato (fruit!) etcetera

[W is for worst habit:]
lazy. too lazy to tell you how lazy.

[X is for x-rays you've had:]
teeth, skull, neck, shoulder, chest, finger, knee, ankle, foot. i am accident prone.

[Y is for yummy food you make:]
gumbo, lasagna, chicken pot pie, shepherd’s pie, chicken marsala, chicken picatta, meatballs, banana bread, oatmeal cookies. you name it, i will make it. regular and faux-vegan style.

[Z is for zodiac sign:]
libra. this seems inherently wrong, as i am the prototype for extreme when it comes to feelings, thoughts and personal behaviors, although i am remarkably balanced, impartial and diplomatic when it comes to the lives of others. this dichotomy further proves my extremeness, as well as my tendency to overanalyze and use big words when ever possible.



Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Damn girl. You're gettin' your meme on like some like some people smoke the chronic.

By some people, I mean me.

By me, I mean Elvis.

Shh, don't tell anybody, I have a knife.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Those shoes are adorable.

They are second only to my all-time favorite, which is no shoes at all.

which I'm wearing now.


I have that same sweater, in black.

Blogger HizzleThizzle said...

I have those shoes! You are so awesome. I really would have pegged you for a taurus.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I have to have those shoes. I have to...and I hate shoe shopping more than the Bush family. Ok, almost as much.

I am going to tag myself for this meme so that the orgy will end. I'm also going to tell people you tagged me. Work with me please.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Those shoes are wicked cute. I want them. Gotta have them. But I hate shoe shopping as much as Brooke. Sigh.


Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I wonder how those shoes with look with my orthopedic walking boot?

I love Dorothy Parker.

Blogger miss kendra said...

acw: i knew there was a bloated corpse underneath that bag.

i just didn't know he had access to snoochie boochie.

uber: i also like the no shoes. they go with just about everything.

hizzle:i don't feel like a libra. but i am beautiful like one.

brooke: i won't lie for you. i would do anything for love, but i won't do that.

ok, yes i will. use me.

monkeygurrl: will i see you tonight? you can see my bob dole arm.

pants: your boot is hot. you are hot.

rendering the shoes unnecessary. as horrible as that seems.

Blogger babyjewels said...

I would have guessed Picese (jeez. that's my sign and I can't spell it. so sad) because I feel a kindred spirit. Also can I borrow those shoes. My shoes suck.

Blogger miss kendra said...

jewels: i have been called worse.

and only if you have ginormous feet like mine.

and also only if they don't carry disease or smell like hobo sex.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Miss K - I thought FER SURE you wouldn't go tonite, after all you've been though! I gotta pick up the Monkey at day camp. We'll see how I feel after battling traffic from Bel Air to the 'hood.

Next week fer sure b/c I'm more in love with you than I thought. Any young person that quotes Meatloaf (especially on a blog!) gets a free pass.

Blogger jiggs said...

Am I the first boy to comment on this?

Maybe anonymous coworker is a boy?

I like the neck picture. I like diagrams of all sorts. I'm going to see demetri martin tonight in the city and I do a cute little map of the neighborhood that the club is in.

That's right I said cute.

silly rabbit!

Tasty drinks booze with crystal light. I wish that he was back already!

Blogger Brookelina said...

Kendra, I think I love you.
Isn't that what life is made of?

Blogger Monkey said...

I realize this is the most superficial comment you will receive today, but those shoes are HOT! HOT!

Excuse me... I have a shoe problem. But you knew that.

This is the best meme I've seen yet. The a to z one. I saw it on Brooke's and feel compelled to perform!

Monkey's Human

P.S. I totally screwed the growing up crazy part.

Blogger Monkey said...

P.S. Love the neck freckle. Yes indeed!

Blogger CommonWombat said...

Congrats on your neck shivving the guards and breaking free of it's bracey prison. Of course, I just sent you a get well card with a picture of you IN the neck brace. Fuck. When you get the card, put the brace back on so everything makes sense.


Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

Do you remember that time you came to my blog and day after day it looked like there were no new posts? It just happened to me on your blog. I've been coming here each day and keep seeing the Kermit pic and nothing new, now bang, a bunch of new shit. I must learn to reload.

Anyway, I have to tell you in a totally non-gay way, I think you are just as cute as a bugs ear. I love your bob hair and your cutesy sweaters.

Blogger Autumn said...

are you vegan?

- another libra AND girl whose also wearing a sparkly button sweater.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

monkeygurrrl: i went just to keep myself sane! i can’t stitch, so i just bitched. and bought pretty new pants with my giftcard to the grove.

jigs: anonymous coworker is a boy as far as i know. i have not seen photographic evidence, nor have i investigated the situation in person, but I continue to believe him that he is in fact a him. (i don’t know if you noticed, but he has a knife.)

brooke: yes it is. and i love you too! (i’m on pills again.)

monkey: those shoes are pretty much perfect. they look great, go with everything, and seriously, are the most comfortable heels i’ve ever owned. i could wear them everyday. this is my second pair of them.

the neck freckle told me she loves you too.

wombat: i still wear it a little because it gives me a rest from holding up my giant brain. i am feeling moderately better, though my should is still busted. but i would appreciate your card even if i was in perfect health. which i am not, even when i am. note the crazy.

captain howdy girl: blogger sucks a little like that. (can they hear me?)

thank you for the compliments! i have never been compared to the anatomy of a bug before. to my knowledge, that is.

autumn: i am not a vegan because i eat meat, but i am allergic to all dairy and egg products and by products, so ioften cook/bake things vegan style.

also, who can resist something called tofutti cutie?

Blogger miss kendra said...

um, that was me.

Blogger CommonWombat said...

I have seen the actual face of Anonymous Co-worker, and I can confirm for you all that he is, in fact, a boy.

But really, a pretty girly-looking boy.

Blogger miss kendra said...

wombat: did you check to see if the carpet matches the xy chromosomed curtains? because i saw boys don't cry.

Blogger CommonWombat said...

Yeah good point. Next time we both attend some baltimore-blogger event, I'll make a grab for the goods, to make sure he doesn't have a taco where his kielbasa should be.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Poor Miss Kendra. Do you need a happy gram o' liquor?

I live within driving distance, remember?*

*not a threat

Blogger miss kendra said...

wombat: i knew i could count on you.

vj: maybe... i have a vet appointment (well, the cat does) tomorrow, but Boy is going to the auto show... i should be "home alone" by 1:30... i was going to paint my toe nails, but you're probably more fun than my feet.

Blogger Egan said...

Boyshorts and The Stones... I think I am in love.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

If you want, I could just take a picture of my junk and mail it to you guys, but that's why I was locked up the first two times, and the fourth time.

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