business to attend to: i will not be blogging tomorrow as i will be at the doctor. in addition to your regular comments, please feel free to leave me quesions, any questions, a la this post by anonymous coworker. i will answer them thursday. now back to your scheduled blog, already in progress.
yesterday’s post was prophetic. today i reek of onion and not even the tiniest whiff of cookie is seeping through. i feel masked, unlike myself, and also slightly nauseated.
and now, a story in two parts.
part one: i decided on sunday that it would be a good idea to make beef stew in my crock pot. yes, i own a crock pot. and i use it. i also covet this because then i could make individual banana breads. (i’m excited just thinking about it.) so this morning i had to assemble the ingredients, which include softened onions. so i cooked some. this morning. in my pajamas.
and despite my best efforts, the stink persists, through a change of clothes, deodorant and subtle perfume! i’ve washed my hands 236145 times so now they’re chipping off in delicate onion scented flakes.
i can only pray that the stink has followed me here and not permeated every fiber of my apartment and its contents. nobody likes a cat who smells like dirty armpits. even if he licks your neck for elongated periods of time while you’re sleeping, then crawls up on your pillow and chews your hair into a nest.
part two: last night Boy and i were preparing the ingredients for beef stew. i had a big knife. that was my first mistake. i was cutting a potato while hopped up on prescription drugs. that was (possibly) my second mistake. so then i cut a big slice right through my thumb/thumbnail. blood and starch make neat red bubbles. ooooh science! that’s not really the story, but i though maybe i could get some pity. on three- 1,2,3 pity!
anyway, after we cut up all the celery and potatoes and carrots and onion (evil eye) we put it all in little containers till this morning, and then cleaned up, throwing all the ends and icky parts down the disposal. which we then ran for a good two minutes, but the death sounds emanating from within never ceased. so i stuck my hand in.
i turned it off first. geez, how stupid/insane/drug-addled do you think i am that i would put sharp things so close to my delicate hands? oh, right.
apparently the disposal saw fit to digest all the veggibles, but then it invoked some sort of demonic powers to separate the meat from the gristley parts and then whip up some fat batter.
it’s like toffee, pulled and yanked and reconstituted, but instead of yummy sugars, with icky gelatinous animal fat.
and because i love you of course, here are some pictures.
i totally touched that! i am so bad ass! roar!