January 19, 2006
i am busy. amuse yourselves.

ten top trivia tips about miss kendra!

  1. every day in the UK, four people die putting miss kendra on.

  2. native americans never actually ate miss kendra; killing such a lovely prey was thought to indicate craziness.

  3. if you drop miss kendra from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first!

  4. ancient greeks believed earthquakes were caused by miss kendra fighting underground.

  5. US gold coins used to say 'in miss kendra we trust'.

  6. the first toy product ever advertised on television was mr. miss kendra head.

  7. miss kendra is born white; her pink feathers are caused by pigments in her typical diet of shrimp.

  8. in the spanish edition of cluedo, miss kendra is the victim!

  9. you should always open miss kendra at least an hour before drinking her!

  10. the condom - originally made from miss kendra - was invented in the early 1500s.
i am completely unaware of -
do tell me about

please know that i was seriously tempted to correct the word order in number one but that i didn't. which could be an indication of my lessening neuroses. or my growing laziness. whichever.

the insurance lady, whom i like to call "peggylee," totaled my car yesterday. when they took off the wheel etc, they discovered lotsa the damage and figured it was better to let the car go than to prolong its suffering.


i am not sure how much i'm getting for it, but now i have stress over what sort of car to buy. i've done some thinking, and i'm pretty well convinced i'd like a car that has power locks and windows, cruise control (which i'm hoping will not only control my cruising speed but also repel scientologists and their assorted trolls), a moon roof, some snappy rims and a bright shiny paint job. preferably black or silver.

unfortunately, it will probably have no engine.

but that's cool right? engine shmengine?

here's a secret. i know very little about cars. i am very smart (i can totally read!) but here is the summation of my car know-how:
- sometimes i should change my oil.
- tire pressure is more important than you think.
- this one is real pretty.
my dad picked out my (now defunct) car because really, i don't care. if it goes and has the usual stuff and doesn't make people laugh at me when i roll by, i'm good. i kinda want to do something like this to it anyway. but with less flowers and more pirates.



Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

1) "the first toy product ever advertised on television was mr. miss kendra head."

I can't believe people were fine with transexuals then, but now they have a big problem.

2) Buy a toyota or a honda. Consistenly higher gas mileage with fewer repairs over the years. Nissans and mazdas will do in a pinch. By no means should you buy an American car, unless you have lots of time and lots of disposable income for repairs.

Blogger miss kendra said...

acw: and it was a best seller! the mr. miss kendra head is also highly sought on ebay.

i want a toyota i think, but there's a really good deal on a nissan near here (2003 sentra, @30,000 miles, @ $10,000) so i might get that one. because the less i spend on the car, the more i get to spend on meth, right?

Anonymous Ashley said...

as long as you don't have 2 very tall adults and 2 very tall young children, the toyota echo is a super great option-i have one; hardly ever change my oil but it still gets 41 miles to the gallon. it rocks. unless you're tall.

Blogger miss kendra said...

ashley: i am 5'10" and Boy is 6'2". so probably no echo. but wow! gas mileage!

Blogger Calzone said...

Hey nice girl...what you been up to, being nice?

Blogger miss kendra said...

calzone: do you even read what i write here? or do you just come for the mockery?

Blogger Egan said...

Damn you're funny. Those painted cars are commonly called "art cars". We have quite a few of them in Seattle.... I mean in Canada. I love the tidbits about cars that you do know. It's a start.

Seriously, if you need some help tracking down some used cars... I may be able to help. Just give me some parameters. Do you like pirates? (I got a Lost flashback)

Blogger Brookelina said...

Get a hybrid!!!

Blogger babyjewels said...

Both my financial planner and doctor suggested my next car be a rickshaw. Because I'm fat. And broke.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

DUUUUUDE. You should totally get one of them there http://www.chrysler.com/pt_cruiser/index.html. They look cool, they're (relatively) cheap, get decent mileage and are safe. I'm planning on one for my next car. Maybe we can get matching paint jobs?!

Or check out the Chevy Aveo or Cobalt, for pretty much the same reasons. I'm kinda old school (and I *know* its misplaced, so people, don't email about what an idiot I am), so I kinda like to buy American.

Blogger Calzone said...

You write shit?? I thought this was a blog about hot chicks with wierd diseases.

Blogger Egan said...

Wait a minute MonkeyGurl. I have an objection to the PT Cruiser. Miss Kendra isn't pushing 50 with 80's hairdo is she? If she doesn't fit either of those qualifications, the PT Cruiser isn't for her. I have done extensive research on the demographic of the PT Cruiser.

I may have just offended, but the car isn't meant for hip young bloggers despite Chrysler's best attempts to make us think otherwise. Yikes, American cars.

Blogger jiggs said...

brooke: hybrids are way too expensive and the savings on gas doesn't make up for the cost in the long run.

I like hatchbacks and station wagons, but I don't own a car, so perhaps no one should be listening to me.


Blogger miss kendra said...

egan: i want a cd player, cruise control, a/c, maybe a moonroof. i want the car to be black or silver. that's about it.

(toyota, preferably, no older than 2001, certified(?), up to $10000)

brooke: i really want one, but i can't afford it. i just paid off my old car so i want something with no payments. and not a money pit.

you meant a hybrid car right? not a chimera or something?

jewels: run a contest to see who gets to cart you around. and make the winner wear a diaper.

monkeygurrl: no way. pt cruisers are silly and i want something reliable. my rental is a cobalt and holy mother of god do i hate that car.

calzone: yeah that too.

egan: thank you for backing me up on the "no-pt cruiser" thing. i am way to cute to get in one of those.

jiggs: hybrids are expensive... but here in CA there's benefits to having one. like carpool lanes and exemptions.

you don't own a car? do you run jewels' rickshaw?

Blogger miss kendra said...

and yes, 5'10".

6'1" in my sexy leopard shoes.

Blogger jiggs said...

Where I live I don't really need the car. It's just a 15 minute walk to the grocery and if I need to go further I can lure a friend with some cookies or sexual favors into driving me around.

Tall women are generally hot, and I'm guessing that you're probably not an exception to that rule. But tall women are also intimidating. I'm a meek 5'9".

Blogger Egan said...

You're so welcome for the anti-PT Cruiser talk. Ask Pants about this one if you need any back-up.

Jiggs, what's your beef with hybrids? Sure they may be more expensive and you may never recoup the price difference, but how about supporting the technology? If we can lessen our dependence on oil by supporting hybrid cars... we will be making some progress. It will also reduce the chances of oil drilling in Alaska. Sorry this is a touchy issue for me. (I don't own a hybrid yet since our last car was purchased a couple years ago, but our next car will be one). We are good here right? Merci mensch.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Lets paint our cars together. I have spray paint and no shame.

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: tall women rule. and where do you live, some sort of hippie village?

egan: support techmologies!

veaj: yes. i want fruit salad or jolly rogers. or stars.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Just in case you were wondering:
Contrary to popular belief, miss pants is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases she may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol. Very informative.

I feel you on the car. It was a rough, rough, time when my insurance company declared my last car was totalled. In a matter of three weeks I had to move because my roommate went psycho, find a place to live, buy a new car (before my insurance company had paid me out for my totalled car) and I lost a dear friend in an unrelated car accident. That month was total hell. It's a miracle I'm still here.

Blogger miss kendra said...

pants: a glorious glorious miracle! love love love!

and i do not believe that rubbish about you increasing the effects of alcohol.

i am so completely fine.


Blogger jiggs said...

egan: I have nothing against anyone subsidizing a technology that they support. In the case of hybrids, you get satisfaction out of feeling like you're helping the environment, but is that worth the extra $3k-6k you have to pay for the car?

Since I don't have a lot of scratch, if I were to buy a car, I would prefer to get a cheaper, fuel-efficient non-hybrid car. But in reality, I'm helping the environment by not owning a car at all.

Blogger jiggs said...

miss k: what aspect of what I said made you think I lived in a hippie village? Was it the cookies?

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: that and the stink.

really, i don't know.

Blogger jiggs said...

I'm impressed that you can smell me from here. That says a lot about both your nose and my stench.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Whatever with the two of you. I hate you all for shooting down my dream of a PT Cruiser. I loved them when they first came out, I loved them despite the fact that the only people who seemed to be driving them were old, overweight and out of shape (and hopelessly uncool), and I loved them despite the whole "cruiser community" that sprang up in support of them.

But I cannot love them in the face of the disapproval of blogdom. My love affair with the Cruiser is over.

I knew I shudda just stuck with my gas-guzzling, ozone depleting, yet attractively powerful Ram 1500.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I test drove a bunch of different cars before I went with my honda. Prior to my purchase I was thinking Toyota, but it felt like I was driving a Flintstone mobile and that at any minute I'd be forced to peddle with my own feet to help the vehicle drive above 30mph.

And the only person I know who drives a PT Cruiser is a disgruntled, middle aged, admin type whose cubical is plastered with CATHY comics. Sorry, MonkeyGurrrrrl. You're too cute, I won't let you buy one.

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

dear miss k,

i have a great deal for you. i trade you my toyota camry for that hot red number you linked to. awesome, right? it even has an engine. no transmission, but who needs a transmission anyway...


Blogger Calzone said...

Hey...is this Nicetown??? Or did I take a wrong turn near Sweetville?

Blogger Egan said...

Jiggs - you make a great point about not owning a car. I mean that. Good for you buddy. I guess I really don't care how much more it will cost to buy a hybrid is all I'm saying.

Blogger Egan said...

[chorus] can you feel the love tonight...?

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: we're still friends. because i'm nice. tell calzone to suck it.

monkeygurrl: you are above the pt cruiser. way way above.

pants: were they new ones? i have to test some this weekend i guess. i just think if i get the honda
someone will put a windshield decal on it one night while i'm sleeping.

robiewan: while i appreciate your offer, that red car is so mine. shoo.

calzone: jiggs says suck it.

egan: there wil be no singing without explicit permission.

bad monkey boy.


Blogger jiggs said...

Hey Calzone: suck it!

Blogger Brookelina said...

Hybrids are not that outrageously priced, and the government is offering huge tax returns for them. Suck it Jiggs!

PT Cruisers are totally cool no matter what your age group. Egan is gay and knows nothing about coolness.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

u shld chk out honda, i drive a 2005 black civic w/ ac, cd player, cruise control n sun roof- n she's wonderful. her name is Isabelle.

Blogger Calzone said...

Why are you so mean to me??

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry your car is officially dead. I hope you get enough $ to get a new pimped out one - pirates would definitely be cool. Some trivia about moi, all true:
It is impossible to fold Moe more than seven times! Moe kept at the window will keep vampires at bay.
The pupil of an octopus's eye is shaped like Moe. The word 'samba' means 'to rub Moe'. Moe can use only about ten percent of her brain. Moe will often glow under UV light. A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but Moe can not.

If you need help with your vampires, let me know. I would prefer not to assist anyone with their "samba" though.

Blogger sock puppet said...

crazy girl.

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: ten points redeemable at a later date.

brooke: i agree to disagree. it hurts me, but i will try.

nefarious: i am considering honda. black sounds good though, my jolly roger will work nicely on black.

calzone: you deserve it. now brush my hair.

moe: my samba is just fine, thank you for your concern.

miyagi: you’re dead.

Blogger Grend31 said...

Dear Miss Kendra,

We here at Grendku Industries are very concerned that you are not now partaking in your fair share of our nation's Great Oil Consumption. You must remedy this immediately. Many greedy bastards are counting on you.

You have 30 days to remedy this situation or you will be placed on the Hippy Bike Rider list. It is very difficult to get off of the HBR we'll have you know. And we don't care if you have a bike or even ride it.

Yours in soulless monotony,
Grendku Industries Service Rep Drone #6

Blogger miss kendra said...

grendku industries: don't call me a hippie! i don't even know how to ride a bike.

and i don't wear dreamcatchers around my neck like some people we know.

Blogger Egan said...

PT Cruisers are for people that look like this! No thank you!

Blogger Thérèse said...

Oh! Oh oh! Oh! Get the pretty one!

Blogger miss kendra said...

egan: looking to pick a pt cruiser fight? i'd be afraid of those drivers if i were you.

therese: i wish.

oh how i wish.

Blogger Egan said...

I am afraid, but keep your eyes peeled and you will see the demographic trend of which I speak.

Anonymous Neil said...

If you get a honda prius, you can drive by yourself in the carpool lane in CA.

Blogger sock puppet said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger miss kendra said...

neil: only if i register and am one of the first certain number of people.

it's a limited offer.

Anonymous Gwen said...

Go to Carmax. Seriously. They will not rip you off, and they're super nice. I got my car there, and a bunch of my friends have as well. And don't get a Nissan! A Nissan is what smashed into Afsheen's car last month, and then the rental car company gave us the exact same model car as the smasher car, and it has NO TURNING RADIUS AT ALL. No wonder the girl smashed into Afsheen.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Did Egan post a link to a picture of Gary Busey with a PT Cruiser?

I test drove both new and used Honda, Mazda and Toyotas. They hold their value so well that it just made sense to buy new, although I intended to purchase used. Plus I bought my car during a holiday weekend and used my mad haggling skills. Let us know how the test driving goes!

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