January 10, 2006
gnome more waiting, gnome more puns

this was a tough competition, made all the more difficult by my inability to remain lucid while self-medicating. note to self: mixing over-the-counters does not a prescription-effect make. although it does provide some great entertainment.

(on that front, i will be visiting the orthopod tomorrow, and if he/she dares tell me there is nothing wrong, i will beat him/her to death with whatever objects I can wield using only my good arm.)

and now, the long awaited results of the second * golden state * contest:



in fifth place: we find common wombat’s “ferdinand frankel.” like wombat, i am partial to the name ferdinand. i am not sure what this says about me, or wombat, but i’m confident that it’s not good.

fourth place: dead puppy’s “al gergnome.” which coincidentally, made me go all nerdy and briefly consider “gene gnome,” before realizing that i am now officially someone my boyfriend would have beaten up in middle school. excluding, of course, the fact that i am hot and my rack would have distracted him even then. (b cup by fourth grade! holla!)

third place: is maenwyn’s “gnome chomsky.” i understand that this appears to be along the same lines as the last submission, but come on. “gnome chomsky?” rules do not apply.

second place: goes to the illustrious grend31 for “sir dimbkin punfoodle, esq.” it is pretty clear that the gnome is educated. i wasn’t sure if he was an esq or an md, but you don’t carry around books like that for no reason. it’s like we’re supposed to believe he likes to read. seriously. who reads?

and in first place, the blue ribbon, the big cheese, the head honcho, the the winner and gnamer of my gnome (not a euphemism): moocow, who introduced us to

fjorken van der bean,

riding a poorly-clipped* in sea monkey at sunrise.


obviously.

and because i do like prizes, of course there is shwag! who doesn’t like getting oddities in the mail from virtual strangers?

unfortunately, due to my current circumstances, i am unable to afford prizes or each of my winners. thus, only the cow gets a tangible prize, whilst the rest of you get my admiration. which is not for resale. even on ebay.

and what does moocow get exactly?

this awesome t-shirt, which is on its way to his door. here’s to hoping it convinces some lucky girl to make the babies.

chillin with my gnomies







*goddammit i need photoshop on this crap computer. msn paint sucks giant poo balls.



45 Comments:

Blogger Egan said...

I totally feel you on this post. I love that Amélie movie and those Travelocity tv spots. Gnome sane?

Blogger Grend31 said...

Curse you and your cleverosity MooCow!!! I'll get you yet! And yer little dog too!

*ahem*

And with that being said, you totally picked the correct winner Miss Kendra. Moo not only kicked my arse, he will look so damned hip in that shirt.

Blogger miss kendra said...

egan: i do in fact gnome you mean. gnomes are like crack to me.

grend: congratulations on your place! you did wonderfully. and thanks for the inside track on the size issue. moo looks skinny in pictures, but photoshop. you know.

Blogger Egan said...

I see you like yarn. This has been noted. I have a good source for yarn as you probably gnow. Is Gary Gnu going to pay us a visit?

Blogger American Navel said...

Had you named him Al Gergnome, I might have sent him flowers.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I didn't even place. I thought Bob was a great name.

Dammit.

Blogger miss kendra said...

egan: i *do* like yarn. you could be my only canadian source for yarn. if it gets shipped over the border, do we have to pack it in mint leaves or something? so the dogs won't know?

navel: fjorken likes flowers too you know. but point taken.

Blogger Grend31 said...

It's good you asked Miss Kendra. Moo is a tough one to clothe. In fact, just this morning we spent hours trying to get him into his Tuesday body stocking.

Blogger Grend31 said...

Oh, and ultimately it was Jesster who came through with the sizing information.

Blogger Frog said...

Gnomes are tiny like me :)

Blogger miss kendra said...

brooke: you snuck in! bob is the name of the guy in the cube next to me, so it seemed odd. but you placed in my heart, brooke. i heart you.

grend: tell jesster i said thank you then. and then make out with her. that part has nothing to do with me, but she might like it.

froggie: if only you two could meet.

Blogger miss kendra said...

egan: well i don't know. somehow i got the impression that you were of canadia. so you too are now an american that is mistaken for canadian. it happens to me all the time, so it must be the good looks thing.

Blogger Egan said...

Canadian? Huh. I guess my dashing good looks imply that I am Canadian or was it the French? I'm 100% grade A American yo!

Blogger miss kendra said...

and somehow my comment got in ahead of yours... that old blogger magic.

Blogger CommonWombat said...

Oh, call him what you will, he'll always be Ferdinand to me.

Blogger Egan said...

I do love Canada though. Make no mistake about it, Seattle is in the States.

Blogger MooCow said...

*blinks*

*checks again*

You know I wasn't sure how anything was going to top meeting TheHock...

And then this happens.

Oh my effing...wow. I'm speechless.

Woot.

Blogger miss kendra said...

wombat: you may call him ferdinand if you wish. but only in the wee hours, and only if you're naked.

don't ask why. really.

egan: Boy and i have been tossing around the possibility of seattle being our next destination. what do you think? can they handle all that is me?

moo: maybe you should call TheHock and see how she likes you now.

Blogger Libby said...

Shut your mouth. WHERE THE HELL DID THAT SHIRT COME FROM????

Blogger babyjewels said...

Gnome matter that I didn't win. I still love you.

Oh, I never entered? pass the meds.

Blogger miss kendra said...

libby: it's a david and goliath shirt. fromnt he stupid factory. really.

bebebijoux: i love you too. and pass the meds.

Blogger jiggs said...

This settles it. I have a crush on you miss kendra... And I promised myself I wouldn't get attached after that whole spinning girl fiasco!

Also, I've seen Noam Chomsky speak and ironically, there really is something quite gnomey about him. He's tiny and has gray hair.

Blogger Calzone said...

Such total bullshit..I cant even remember what I said but I know it was better than that.

I'd go with either Pat M'Groin, I.P. Nightly, or Rusty Bedsprings.

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: i'm flattered! to be the object of your blush (blog crush) was a new year's resolution of mine. so i can just cross that off the list and bask in the warm glow.

calzone: i'm sorry. your entry (hehe) was wonderful, but i needed something relatively work appropriate. you know how it is, these losers just don't understand our love.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Kudoes (kudos?) all around. Y'all are way to amusing and literate for my low-rent arse.

There's no place like gnome.

Blogger Egan said...

Seattle is a great town. We are in day 23 of straight rain though. But I love rain.

Blogger miss kendra said...

monkeygurrrl: low rent. pshaw! i've seen your arse, and it's lovely.

egan: 23 days of rain? god hates seattle.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Not even honorable mention for my suggestions? Not a tip of the hat? Not even a "these were the worst names submitted" category for me to be awarded with?

Dag yo.

Blogger miss kendra said...

acw: sorry? you totally got prizes last time. don't hate the player- hate the game.

Blogger jiggs said...

It was your new year's resolution!

How could I hope to defend myself against your feminine wiles?

I waving my white flag and I won't lie: I'm glad I surrendered.

Blogger American Navel said...

Here's a question that bugs me. Do gnomes have bellybuttons? Are they mammals like people or their own thing elves?

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

i am so sad. i totally froze during the gnome contest. like one of those smart people on jeopardy who becomes an instant dumbass on teevee. you can see the harvard years flash before their eyes. only with gnomes, see.

Blogger miss kendra said...

jiggs: as you should be.

navel: magical creatures don't need bellybuttons. but they might have them for fun.

robiewan: i know. it happens to the best of us.

and then the hillbilly with the mullet wins.

Blogger Fred said...

i like cookies. who would have gnome we'd have so much in common. bwaahahah! i better gno now, i might embarass myself.

Blogger HizzleThizzle said...

I will make another audio post this afternoon and I will read you a story.

MSN paint sucks.

Blogger HizzleThizzle said...

All right Miss Kendra.. its up. Just for you ;)

Blogger Bill Jones, Jr said...

Three things: First, I really like your blog. Second, don't despair - Photoshop sucks little poo balls, so you're only missing a little. Third, for some reason "I smell like cookies" sounds verrrrry sexy to me. I think I need help.

Blogger Egan said...

No, Pat Robertson hates Seattle.

Blogger Monkey said...

I so hope MooCow gets to make the babies. How could a reproductive minded female resist such a hot shirt?

I love the name too.

Sorry Miss Kendra. I've got a stuffy nose and can't read the other comments at the moment. I bet there is something hilarious happening about 32 comments in, but I can't wade in. The water is too cold and I'm a big baby.

Blogger babyjewels said...

new audio post, please.

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

Although I am incredibly disappointed that Vidal SassGnome didn't make the cut (seeing as how gnomes serve the purpose of hair groomers in your life and it all seemed incredibly clever and hilarious to me) I may be able to help you out with the Photoshop thing. I know some people who know some people. :) Just email me.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I heart you too MK!

Blogger Libby said...

OMG. I would like to state, for the record, that MSN anything sucks giant poo balls, and I'm being quiet now before I get in trouble.

And God hates Seattle. I am drowning. Knit me a liferaft.

Blogger miss kendra said...

i wish i wasn't on drugs right now (hooray for new drugs) so that i could respond individually, but know that in my head, i have responded. and responded well.

i must go vegetate now.

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