December 19, 2005
i cannot keep a secret

i have apparently been in the family way. that's right. all last week when i was spouting the usual, "find me my crystal meth, gnomes, faeries, poop, etc" my family was getting ready to grow. it was stretching and pulling itself into a new shape, to make room for the little guy. and his litter box.

on friday, after my secret santa*, there was this little thing called a winter festival at work, where in they sell voodoo raffle tickets and i try fruitlessly to win things like ipods and stila cosmetics and tickets to laphil. i did however, bring home a cat.

actual conversation:
me: hi [petname redacted because i desire to return home this evening]. i love you. how are you feeling?

Boy: fine... what do you want?

me: a cat? can i have a cat?

Boy: no.

me: he's really really cute and sweet and-

Boy: no.

and behold the results of this conversation:

so! presenting, in his internets debut, the second incredibly handsome redhead sleeping in my bed...


i have used some of my incredibly futuristic software to once again give you a more accurate depiction of his inordinate amount of appeal. please use these two photographs as teaching aides; you should become fully acquainted with boon's face as he will soon rule us all.

on our first date, at the adoption booth

on my kitchen table, where he should be

he likes to spend a lot of time hiding here, but i believe that eventually, by which i mean "when the tree gets tossed out on its ass," he will come out more fully.

pickles and boon have taken to circling around one another slowly, like they're each just waiting for the other to shout, "draw!" and then they'll pull out their colts and change their names to earp. i believe that they will eventually be friends, by which i mean "when boon becomes familiar enough with the territory to beat pickles into submission."

pickles has also been engaging in some retaliatory snuggling, trying to get as much attention/affection/lap time as possible, which is really enjoyable. i love having a 65 pound labrador sit on me. it's fun.

Boy and boon have reached a mutual agreement, the details of which are shady at best, but i'm pretty sure the main points are that they will both love me and have red hair.

and the origin of boon's name? in norwegian folklore (i am the biggest nerd EVER) a guardian spirit called the fylgja protects children from bad dreams. brian froud drew this creature and it has long been a favorite painting of mine. as a frequent nightmare sufferer, i like this idea, as i'm hoping the cat will save me from the nazis.

also, i'm a heavy drinker and i like apple wine.

and a theme song to take us out... cue the tabernacle choir.

who's the orange feline type
that's a love machine worth all the hype?
ya damn right!

who is the one that would lick the neck
of his brother and sister?
can you dig it?

who's the cat that won't cop out
when there's danger all about?
right on!

they say this cat boon is a bad mother
shut your mouth!
i'm talkin' 'bout boon.
then we can dig it!

he's a complicated kittie
but no one understands him but his woman
he's boon!

*i got a purse.


Blogger babyjewels said...

a. I love that your drawing of you and boy both depict you with blow up doll mouths.

b. congrats on your new cat.

c. there really isn't a c. I'm just an excessive commenter.

d. really, who am I kidding with a d?

e. fine, fine, I'll go.

Blogger Thérèse said...

Because I follow instructions I am paying no attention whatsoever to where his hand is drawn on your right bobbie.

Anonymous laurie said...


Oh my god you have fallen into the darkside. wine + knitting + cat ... I'm just saying is all!

Blogger me said...

he is quite stunning...

i hope he saves the day... *que theme song*

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Hah. You got a puss and a purse!!!

Blogger Lulu said...

I have a redhead in my bed too.

The first time we had sex he asked me "Have you ever slept with someone with orange pubes before?"

I can't believe I just typed that. And didn't delete.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

Can't wait for your next Boon story. He will be even more fun as he gets more accustom to your people. Should be entertaining!

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

WAHOO! I'm so excited for you! He is SUCH a handsome little man. My only caution is the potential territorial pissing...although Boon may just end up slapping the shit out of Pickles every time he lifts his leg.

PS. I love the name Boone because it's the name of the main character in Nightbreed...and I thought he was the coolest thing since Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys.

I've said too much.

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

There is no cat like a big orange boy-cat.

Blogger jiggs said...

At first I thought you were pregnant with a litter box.

I think this might be my first comment here. I'm happy that was it.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I think you are my new favorite blogger. No, I'm sure of it.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Yes, big orange kitties are full of affection and love.

You have to spray him with water to keep him out of the tree.

Blogger CommonWombat said...

Despite the fact that I am known all across the web for being the manliest of men, I will now admit to you that I am a HUGE fan of kitties (we have 3) and I MAY have made an EXTREMELY un-manly noise when I saw the pictures of Boon. Tell no one.

Every time I see a cat in a loving home it makes me smile. Thanks for making me smile.

Blogger Calzone said...

We took in my drunk friends cat because he was moving and couldn't take it with him to go with our triple pawed motherfucker orange tabby. They hate each other.

Anyway I said you were nice and I meant it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay for kitties!

He looks just like my little lost Teacup kitty cat!

Congrats, Boon, on finding the best Mommy!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your new kitty definitely looks like a bad mofo. Serious case of the f*ck you crazy eye. Pickles sounds like he will eventually welcome the company. I wish we could have a cat but the inevitable resultant trips to the emergency room for Mr Moe's asthma/histamine attacks would become tiresome.

Soph (who is slowly resembling a redhead that sleeps in our bed as her big girl coat develops) sits on me too when sooky. Heavy, but comforting all the same. I think she would have a crush on Pickles if she met him, until he peed on her of course.

Blogger miss kendra said...

babyjewels: we have blow up doll mouths. why do you think people find me so attractive?
therese: i have a nice rack, who can blame him?
laurie: hi! you’re alive! roy and boon will be friends immediately!
me: stunning indeed. he wants to lick your face now.
monkeygurrrl: yes i did… but i like one of them better.
lipstick lulu: whatever. orange pubes are my bread and butter. see? no need for delete here.
tumbleweed: he better be entertaining if he know what’s good for him.
sassy: he doesn’t seem like a pee-er. i think the dog’s got that one covered.
in pee.
valancy jane: orange makes it better.
jiggs: well i was, but i miscarried. donations can be made in the box’s honor to “miss kendra’s meth fund.”
and i’m glad too. it sets the bar high.
brooke: thanks! did you know that compliments get you sex around here?
ubermilf: he’s not really so much in the tree as under it. and chewing on it a little. whatever, maybe he needs the fiber. his poops will smell like christmas!
wombat: i won’t tell, but these internets are not so good with the secrecy. and as for that smile.... have you checked your pants?
calzone: you’re building a harem!
xt: boon said to tell you that if he sees teacup he’ll send the cat your way. and that he is aware of the supreme being-ness of his mommy. who thanks you.
moe: crazy ORANGE eyes. terrifying.

Blogger Malicia said...

Compliments get me sex?

Love your hair.

Blogger Beeb said...

I love apple riesling... *smacks lips*.

Oh and I'm a sucker for redheads too. ;)

Blogger jiggs said...


Blogger riseyp said...

boon is adorable putty-tat! boon is also my little brother's nickname, from way, way back. so i liked it right away!

also, your conversation pre-adoption with Boy reminded me of the one I had with Mine a couple hours before we got our 2nd cat ;-)

at any rate, congrats on the new baby boy! booooooooooooooon.

Blogger Monkey said...

Boon is gorgeous and so handsome! Handsome I tell you! Your diagram was very helpful. I would have been quite confused and bereft without it.

Thank you Miss Kendra. And welcome Boon! I'll introduce you to my cat sometime soon. He's an orange boy too.

The woman has a cat that looks more like and oreo cookie. That would be the drunken friend's cat...

Blogger miss kendra said...

malicia: sure does! old people sex! yeehah!

beeb: anything is good. apple juice, apple sauce, apple crack betty.

jiggs: i see your poo and raise you one.

riseyp: i actually named the cat after your brother. don't tell him i told you.

monkey: my diagrams are carfeully planned to aid in the understanding of difficult subjects, like the location of a kitty's belly. i'm pleased to be of help.

Blogger miss kendra said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

Women are so good at this, but we put ourselves in that position. Last night, Girlfriend and I were on the porch and this random cat walks up to us and starts mewing. Girlfriend naturally starts petting the cat, and then we went inside and the cat stayed outside our door crying (loudly). So finally I couldn't take it anymore and I took a saucer of milk (2%, no less) out there and now . . . the cat refuses to leave! Girlfriend is saying "If he's still here tomorrow, I think that means he's technically ours and he can come live in the house." URGH!

Blogger Zombie Lou said...

Lou Reed needs a cat. he cries himself to sleep every night

Blogger miss kendra said...

armaedes: sucka! sexy really got you good with that one. it's infallible logic.

lou reed: !!! you poor poor man.

Blogger Monkey said...

Armaedes girlfriend's logic is indisputable. It is a law of the universe. Like gravity. I like her.

Blogger miss kendra said...

monkey: she's plotting to give homes to sweet kitties. clearly an evil genius of the highest measure.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Now you can be a lame kitten-blogger like me!

Blogger Tel said...

What a beautiful stinky cat! I love cats, and I love cat lovers. Cats are fabulous. Much more furry and purry than Pickles. And lighter, too! :)

Blogger miss kendra said...

acw: despite all my efforts, i don't think i could ever be as lame as you. love to loe you baby!

tel: he is fabulous! when he's not under the damn tree.

Blogger said...

Boon: cut-ie-pie
The dress: fabulous
The hand on the boob: funny
Pickle's thoughts: hilarious

Thanks again for making me smile!

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Hey, now. I love me some Boon (esp. b/c I'm such a Lost fan!), but don't get all crazy and make like he's better than my Pickles, Tel!!!! Miss K, does ACW mean he blogs about lame kitties, or does lame blogs about kitties? B/c the former would just be politically incorrect, and the latter would be...lame.

Blogger miss kendra said...

melissa: it's taken me awhile to be able to read pickles' thoughts, but i'm pretty accurate these days.

monkeygurrl: acw is never lame. his cat sometimes has brushes with "loss of limb," but all is well over there. mostly.

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