December 07, 2005
greased lightning

i was once a smaller miss kendra, many years ago. not much smaller, granted, seeing as i was in the jabillionth percentile on those height growth charts doctors do, but small for me i guess.

i have proof.

note my brilliant use of a personal toilet seat,
assuring me that i would sit only in my own plume.


anyway, at this age (and for several years surrounding it) i had a favorite song. while i have previously made claims that i have no shame, i do find myself hesitating to admit that i had a 60 minute cassette tape (30 minutes, each side) of peter paul and mary's puff the magic dragon over and over again.

and again.

this led to my childhood nickname of puff. (please note that if you call me puff i will sew pillows from your skin.) my parents called me this for many years, until like most children do, i evolved.

i soon became obsessed with penguins and their assorted arctic friends. my family spent many a visit to the new england aquarium trekking back to the penguin exhibit so i could witness their feed times (ALL of their feed times) and dream of one day becoming a fish-slinger myself. ahhh, the dreams of children.

later, i pretty much made it clear that if my father did not procure for me the five foot stuffed penguin from a local shop's christmas display window, that i would never forgive him, eventually growing up to be a stripper and marrying some gun-toting bud swiller. or maybe a mormon. as any good parent would do, he acquiesced. the penguin lived in my bedroom, like a giant velour penguin should, and sometimes served as a bed.

this is when they started calling me puffin.
clever, huh?


i have had many nicknames since, including but not limited to: kat, lucy, that drunk girl, kendrita, and kennebunkport.

today i got a new one.

Squiggle is learning to knit. she saw one of the students had on her dream scarf, and so wanted to send this student to me so i could peruse said scarf and get the scoop.
Squiggle: can you do me a favor and go show this scarf to miss kendra?

student: who?

Squiggle: you know. miss kendra. you know.

student: you mean greased lightning?

Squiggle: what?

student: you know, because she dresses like she's from the fifties, like in that movie grease. so greased lightning.


that's right.

i'm automatic. i'm systematic. i'm hydromatic...
why i'm greased lightnin'!

and a rousing chorus of you know that i ain't braggin', she's a real pussy wagon - greased lightnin' should seal the deal...



15 Comments:

Blogger thephoenixnyc said...

Siana says you are a demented freak. Can we make that your new nickname?

Blogger melissa.in.london said...

So you're telling us you have chrome plated rods AND you make the chicks cream?!?

Rock on!

Blogger CommonWombat said...

I'm doing the hand jive in your honor.

Hmmm. That came out a lot dirtier than I intended.

Hmmm. So did THAT!

Blogger Libby said...

Four speed on the floor and EVERYTHING?

Dude, that is the coolest nickname ever. Mine is limabean. (Call me Limabean, and I will snatch you bald.)

Blogger ~drew emborsky~ said...

whew, I'm so glad it wasn't "Greased Penguin"...

Blogger Calzone said...

No wonder you love me.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

"... if my father did not procure for me the five foot stuffed penguin from a local shop's christmas display window, that i would never forgive him, eventually growing up to be a stripper and marrying some gun-toting bud swiller. or maybe a mormon."

Too bad a stuffed penguin couldn't save me from my mormon childhood. Oh well, there's always the next life.

Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

hehehe love the pic and cartoon. i have to go get ms self destruct she loves penguins

Blogger Thérèse said...

Too, too funny, I love it. Love it love it love it.

Greased lightening, OW!

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

I'm going to continue to call you "That broad on the west coast."

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

I'm partial to "The voice heard ringing through Kansas" myself.

Blogger Moe said...

My younger sister had a stuffed clown that was about 4 ft tall when she was little. His name was, obviously, "clownie". She had a similar relationship to him as you and your penguin. Somehow it seems creepier and more sordid in her situation.

Greased lightning. Damn that's cool.

Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

That's not a good compliment; I reserve the nickname Greased Lightning for those who are stupid.

Blogger Chris said...

So, did you ever read that ancient book Mr Popper's Penguins? Loved that book - almost as much as the one about the wicked pigeon ladies.

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

lucky you. my childhood nickname was big moose. actually? the brothers still call me that. or the ever so sexay nickname nickname moose.

*le sigh*

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