November 18, 2005
where in i compare myself to a twinkie

it's true, i am a doofus. i was totally going to blog about stitch n' bitch last night, and about how i met ~drew emborsky~, the crochet dude, and then totally alienated him with my inane chitterchatter*, but alas (hand to forehead, swoon, etcetera) i forgot to upload the pictures at home.
*note to self: maybe don't try to coerce crochet dude into making you a skirt, even thought you would be totally cute and you would tell everyone he made it, thus creating buzz. also, maybe don't try to rationalize it on your blog the next day. and maybe don't say fuck so much, or suggest that barbara bush wears those pearls all the time to cover her track marks.

why don't i just do it here, you ask? we addressed this already. here. it is also because jeebus does not in fact love me, so much as he points and laughs in my general direction.

so, since i cannot truly blog about stitch n bitch, although if i did i would tell y'all about the hat that i knitted and how it's very hatty, and also how i knitted it. i would then tell you (with pictures) about the practice horn, which looked like this

but will be better for you, acw, i promise.

yeah, since i can't do any of that, i will instead do this meme, created by the inimitable captain howdy girl. also, i would like to acknowledge her less famous dog, heidi, but i am afraid her more famous dog, pepper, will kill me while i'm sleeping.

so here's the meme.

seven deadly sins! w00t!

oh, um, i mean, sins are bad. moving on.

lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. which (if any) have you broken and give examples.

lust: yes
did you see the shoes? see also: clive owen, joaquin phoenix, john stamos, dave grohl, Boy. there are also some past incidents of lust, but those are the PAST and so we do not speak of them any longer. or think of them or fantasize about them. we only fantasize about shoes. and sometimes bathtubs full of cheerios.

gluttony: yes
see the aforementioned cheerios. and also apple rings. and back when i was a naughty girl, i occasionally bogarted a thing or two.

greed: no
i like clothes, but i don't think i'm particularly greedy. especially in comparison to alot of people i know. like calzone. he's always with the "buy me a new track suit, i need more vaseline." you know.

sloth: no
i totally get shit done. this might be the meth talking, but whatever! i'm getting shit done! ps- did you know that sloth only poop like once a week? i once saw one on jeff corwin (oooh- add him to the lust list. i like nerds.) and when the little sloth pooped it looked just about as happy as can be. i will never forget the image of the sloth pooping, and i am not disturbed by that in the least. in fact, i kind of treasure it. is that a sin? because if it is, then yes.

wrath: no
i'm not really an angry person. usually i take things out on myself, which is totally the correct and healthy way to do it. right?

envy: yes
i envy those of you freaks of nature who can eat things you want to eat without worrying about gaining weight or dying. because i worry about that. anaphylactic shock is such a bitch. i also envy those of you who can live without gnomes, and also those who have health insurance. and i envy the celebrities who are famous for doing nothing because i am good at stuff and yet not famous. unfair.

pride: no. but yes.
well see, i vacillate between acceptance and horror at my appearance. that's when i realize that pride is a gateway sin, leading me into envy. then again, i am proud of my huge luscious boo-- i mean brains. so whilst i am loving my creamy center, i find that my spongy yellow shell leaves something to be desired. so waht was that title again? ahhh. here we go. the money shot.

i hear i taste good deep fried!



11 Comments:

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

crochet dude. Yeah, I *knew* there was some additional incentive (as if you and Aunt Purl aren't enough) to attend. I'm a bigger duh-head than you.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Hey, if you knitted two such hats and cobbled them together, I think you'd have a submission for Knitty... But you'd have to model it first.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

First you met Crazy Aunt Purl and now you meet Drew Emborsky?!

I. Am. So. Jealous.

If anyone needs me I'll in my cubicle smelling the new yarn I bought during lunch with my grocery money.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

After reading the rest of your post I realize I should probably do Captain Howdy Girl's meme...my comment above would be perfect for envy. I'm so rotten.

Blogger Calzone said...

can you knit me a cockring? Maybe in purple so I am not so imtimidating?

Blogger ~drew emborsky~ said...

Here I am the doofus because I didn't connect that this blog was actually YOURS at the stitch & bitch! I love your blog and didn't know I was meeting a blog celebrity Thursday!

I had a great time will post pics of you on my blog soon... until then, sit up straight! ;)

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Eh. Yer all a bunch of dooofusses. Miss K, now that I know you're posturally challenged, perhaps you're not so threatening, after all. :) Aeeeeeeeuia.

Blogger Lulu said...

Envy: I am also good at stuff and have yet to receive paychecks for just being me. Dang.

Blogger CommonWombat said...

I'm a lot like that sloth. Not because I poop once a week (because I poop a LOT more often than that) but because I make the same happy face when I'm done. Aaaaaaaaah.

Blogger babyjewels said...

You crack me the eff up. Seriously.

Oh and Calzone wanted me to say X-Small. Not sure what that means.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

w00t! hat!

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