November 30, 2005
someone in canadia loves me!

i got my first bit of holiday goodness! captain howdy girl totally wants me to have a merry christmas!

the outside:

the card:

the wonderful and amazing insides, just for me!

now i'm going to be busy for a while with the cloning and the voodoo, so please entertain yourselves with this (surprisingly) interesting meme, courtesy of crazy aunt purl.

TEN random things you might not know about me.
1: i steal pens. i have more pens than i could possibly ever use, but shiny new ones, especially lovely green ones, continually find their way into my clutches. i also like notebooks. i horde them. for a while i was not allowed to go to office supply stores unsupervised because i could spend all day and all my money. 65 dollars for different color pens? sure! because they’re COLORFUL, people. you understand.

2: i love pepperoni in ways that are shocking to the average consumer, but i try to only eat the turkey kind so i won’t get fat.

3: if i think about something too much before bed, i will dream it.

4: i have nightmares. often. for a long time i had a recurring nightmare that nazis were coming to get me and i had to hide my sister in the cabinet under the sink.

5: i used to think brad pitt was handsome but now i can’t get over the whole cheating on his wife thing. he’s not even a real person to me and I cannot let it go.

6: i can read at the speed of light. not really, but pretty fucking fast.

7: i hate phones and will not pick up 95% of the time, even if i’m not doing anything else. chances are if you were outside i would talk to you, but on the phone? forget it.

8: sometimes i bury my head in Boy’s armpits (which really bothers him) but i like the way he smells.

9: i made gumbo for dinner last night. this was my first time making or eating such a thing ever. it was pretty good, but who knows if it was anything at all like gumbo?

10: i eat ketchup sammiches. just ketchup and bread. really.

NINE places i’ve visited

1: toronto
2: santa barbara
3: san diego
4: st. louis (i drove into the wall of our motel there)
5: vegas
6: bar harbor, maine
7: hammond castle
8: my grandma’s house
9: space

EIGHT ways to win my heart
1: cookies
2: touch my face gently, like you’re afraid it will break
3: don’t be afraid of being childlike
4: try my scary vegan foods
5: know that i am insane and think it’s no big deal
6: encourage my insanity, because it will grow with or without you
7: be honest
8. bring me diet coke in the morning (this is probably more for the list of ways to insure i don't murder you)

SEVEN things i want to do before i die
1: write a book and have people read it
2: own a house that i can decorate (muraled walls anyone?)
3: get off the continent
4: get married (shut up.)
5: let go. LET GO.
6: touch a monkey
7: not worry about money

SIX things i’m afraid of
1: spiders
2: no one remembering me
3: not being good enough
4: my appendix bursting
5: ears (they’re gross. especially boxed ones... just thinking about it makes me throw up a little in my mouth.)
6: spiders.

FIVE things i don't like
1: lies
2: constipation
3: diarrhea
4: being paycheck to paycheck
5: still not having a dog sitter for the trip i'm supposed to take next weekend

FOUR ways to turn me off
1: lie
2: be a spider
3: call me crazy and mean it in a bad way
4: have boxed ears

THREE things i do everyday
1: eat cheerios, drink diet coke
2: read blogs
3: say something inappropriate

TWO things that make me happy
1: taking my bra off at the end of the day
2: making other people happy (shit, calzone. you're right. i *am* nice.)

ONE thing on my mind right now
1: three more hours of work.


Blogger Frog said...

Give me your spiders; I'll eat them :)

Blogger Frog said...

'Two Things That makes you happy' - Is there a combination between those two items? I mean are these things related? :)
Oops, I did it again.

Blogger Libby said...

No no, they're CAULIFLOWER ears...when the cartilage gets all fucked up because it's ripped or damaged. Boxed ears are when you cup your hands and slam them on someone's ears, causing them to hurt real bad.

I have 4 wrestler cousins, a wrestler brother, and a grampa who used to coach wrestling - I've seen my fair share of the cauliflower. Hence the reason I don't eat it.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I like the card, but the butt hair kinda scares me. You better watch out, you might be pidgeon-holed for life, always getting clippings of butt hairs when you least expect it!

(I'd read a book you wrote; I read your blog every day!)

I wonder what Calzone's butt hair looks like. Do dragon's have butt hair? Or just little, teeny, tiny scales?

Blogger Beeb said...

"Boxed ears are when you cup your hands and slam them on someone's ears, causing them to hurt real bad."

man, i've got to try that.

Blogger Calzone said...

I love how you are crazy baby

Blogger CommonWombat said...

Why is it that the paragraph about you puting your face in Boy's armpits and the paragraph about you making gumbo are smooshed together?

Is it because you maks gumbo IN Boy's armpits???

I'm sending Boy a stick of deodorant for christmas.

PS: Sally eats ketchup sandwiches ALL THE TIME!!! Well, not ALL the time. When I say "all the time," I don't mean "constantly," I mean "when she's hungry for one."

Blogger Southernspeak4 said...

AAaaaak! I can't keep up with your posts...not only do you read fast, but you are very prolific. I read fast too, but DA-UMN. I love this meme so much, I will make a copy of it because I do some of the same things, including the phone, Brad Pitt (k, didn't do him, but feel the same way...everyone makes mistakes, but still, lackluster now). The only thing that doesn't fit is if I think of something before I fall asleep, I will NOT dream about it...if I dream of sleeping with Dubya, it so will not happen when I'm asleep and I become very disappointed.

HAhahaha, you took me seriously didn't you?

I need to befriend this CHG, she sends lovely gifties...:)

Blogger babyjewels said...

Oh, I want muraled walls. pick me. Pick me!

(those ears are very gross. yeesh)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God. Miss Kendra, we are the same fricking person. But for maybe 1 or 2 things, I could say the same about myself.


Blogger Tel said...

I may just have to copy your post. :)

Boxed ears? Ewww! How'd you even know about those?

Blogger Übermilf said...

I want to find someone who LIKES boxed/cauliflower ears.

Wait, no I don't.

Rather than go through your entire meme, let me just issue a blanket statement:

I love Miss Kendra and I think she's the cat's pajamas.

Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

whoops. i thought I commentsed yesterday. i often don't notice if my word ver goes through or not and end up leaving without my comment loading.
I guess I just said, glad you got the card and I'm glad you could see the humour in it :)

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