November 11, 2005
professional problem solver

i have problems.

problem number one: i am being stalked by a partridge.

it's true. i've lived in los angeles for over a year, and everytime someone asks me if i've seen celebrities (which people who aren't from here often do), i have to tell them,
"sure. i saw drusilla, who was very nice and who mailed my mom her autograph, and um, sharon osbourne for like a second (she's VERY small), and ummmmmm, danny bonaduce, like thirty five times.

hey, there he is now."

i have seen him at this one sushi place (yes, it's true. i like sushi. sorry.) and also in the hollywood/highland complex and most recently, after stitch n bitch, at the coffee bean and tea leaf.

so it's pretty apparent that he loves me. and rightly so... but to follow me around pretending to do some show i skind of sad. not as sad as that book he wrote

but still sad.

problem number two: Boy and i are supposed to go to las vegas next month for four days. unfortunately, we have not yet found a person to come house/dog sit for us, which means we may not be able to go. *sigh*

we can't board the dog because he's INSANE and would absolutely positively DIE of utter and complete DESPAIR and ANGUISH the VERY MOMENT we left his sight. and we can't send him off to someone's home, even though there have been offers because of all the peeing. it's a very serious problem.

problem number three: i want these shoes.

total cost: about $1000.

which leads me to my new found career as a professional problem solver.

i will now be accepting donations, which should help me to pay off my soul-crushing debt, but will probably be use to buy shoes. or you could just all chip in and buy them for me for chrismakkuh, whichever.

the whole dog/vegas thing is less easily solved. i have asked all the people i feel reasonably confident about leaving alone in my apartment with all my belongings and my dog. it was a short list. there are panty sniffers out there, you know.

the list got shorter when i remembered i live in the ghetto and should try to choose someone who could be expected to live through the weekend.

i've tried everything. there's only one thing i can do.


Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

DON'T DO THE BONADUCCI!!!! Kendra, we live in the 'hood. We can work something out. Heck, we were even MARRIED IN VEGAS (at about 3 am). I'm serious. Email me if you're still looking.

As for sightings, it don't get much better than The Grove. I've seen more "celebrities" there than anywhere else, and I've only been there maybe 4 times (hopefully more, once I give in to the WeHo SnB.)

As for a donation, see my first comment (we live in the hood; I knit with acrylics. you think we got $$ to spare?!)

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Oh, and where can I get a pair of those saddle shoes? they totally remind me of my catholic school upbringing, but in a very twisted way. :)

Blogger JenL said...

Back away from the Bonaduce! He is not fit to care for your puppy. I'm sure you can find someone wonderful.

Love the shoes.

And I think it's incredibly cool that you got to meet Drusilla.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Before I got to the bottom, I thought "Why doesn't she ask Danny Bonaduce?"


We're sharing a brain...

Oh, those shoes were kickass, too.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I used to do a lot of dog sitting, but I stopped after what became known as "the incident."

If you go with Bonaduce make sure you lock up your booze.

Blogger Libby said...

OK, two things. One, Danny Bonaduce creeps the sh*t right out of me because he looks like my dad. That, and he's just weird.

Two, are you getting MARRIED??????????????? (Don't wear that dress if you do. The leopard print shoes would NOT GO with it.)

Blogger Calzone said...

I used to hang out with Grandpa Munster. My first girlfriends dad was an actor, he and grandpa were great pals.

So anyway, if you aren't nice why don't you go over there and say something wierd?

Me and marriedman chang have been piling on.

Blogger miss kendra said...

no, i'm not getting married that i'm aware of.

it's just idle fantasy and bad photoshopping.

i hate MSPaint.

Blogger The Wedding Party said...

where's the hard core nudity? this is bullshit!

Blogger Calzone said...

You are so in. That was brilliant. I think I'm in love.

Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

damn you're funny.
watch out for him though, I hear he has a tember. the little guys are always like that

Blogger CommonWombat said...

I see your Bonaducci and raise you one Stamos.

Blogger babyjewels said...

Any luck with a professional dog sitter? also please ask drusilla if I can have spike's number. I want to do very naughty things to him. maybe in those shoes. yes. in those shoes.

Blogger Steph said...

The second pair of shoes are HAWT! Hope you get to Vegas.

Blogger Monkey said...

I must have the green shoes! Must... have... them.

Mr. Bonaduce is obviously memserized by your charm, humor and pheremones. I suggest a cattle prod. Also... I agree with all above me. Keep the Bonaduce far away from the peeing puppy. It just makes good sense.

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