AND! this cracked skin/jagged flesh situation (hereafter known as "kendra jerkyhands") is aggravated by constant dishwashing! something called "dishpan hands." who knew? sure wish i did, before the thanksgivingturkey got his horrid poultry germs all over me.
normally this sort of thing would be easily rectified with some industrial strength moisturizer, but a girl can't knit with greasy mitts! she'd ruin all the pretty yarns! and yet her barbedwire skin pulls at the pretty yarns and ruins them anyway. by friday morning i was crouched in a darkened corner stroking vast piles of fucked up yarn and whispering, "my precious... i'm so sorry precious..."
but i persisted, and i totally finished projects! this is the internets debut of my first completed knitting projects, as i have a tendency to begin many many many many many things and never finish a single one.
first is the "umbilical hat," so called because it has a funny little knot in the top that doesn't photograph well. and also some booties.
then, the first ever commissioned piece of knittery, a devil hat for acw to give to someone on jeebus's birthday!
i thought so too.
after all that pain, friday afternoon seemed like a good time for more. yes, more pain! mwa ha ha ha! wait, what? we're talking about my pain??? crap.
i went to see Miyagi (hold your applause), who you can read about further here and here in case you need to be caught up.
now you can clap.
YAY! so Miyagi dragged hot and burnie needles up and down my side for about three hours. it was sooper fun. it made me sore in places that don't even have nerves! we followed up with some dicussion of how best to handle further coverage of TheUglyThing. it was decided that it would be much easier to work with if certain parts of it were lighter.
cue the lasers.
JUMPING JESUS ON A POGO STICK! holy mother of god, and by that i mean "mamma mia," because i am a devoutpastafarian. lasers are fucking evil.
it's like tiny little electric holes boring into my naked flesh, biting and gnawing in a row of unequaled searing hellfire pain.
so from about my hip bone, all the way up to my armpit, i have been either needled or lasered. i feel GREAT! w00t! let's climb a mountain and do some sporty things! yeah!
and thus concludes my two day seminar on "pain." if you glean nothing else from this, please remember, when the laser people tell you, "it feels like being snapped with a rubberband," they are right.
getting lasered does indeed feel like being snapped with a rubberband, if that rubber band is made of white hot lava and hates you with the unbridled passionate rage of a thousand devil's brides.