October 12, 2005
t.g.i.t.d.b.y.k. *

last night Boy brought it to my attention that since we still have no internets (comcastic my ass), and won't have any till friday afternoon, he has not been reading my blog.

and since he's so incredibly not the guy who reads backlog, i have pretty much wasted all this time that i could have been saying anything i damn well felt like. not that i don't usually, but the fact that i know he won't see this makes it feel more exciting. like burger king bathroom sex.


and now, in the spirit of this uncensored bloggery...

i once broke up with a guy once we had um, "consumated" the relationship because i realized i didn't really like him. at all. i just needed to get laid. twice. (i was 18! and possibly somewhat slutty... but i swear i've really changed. now i'm tarty. and 25.) it wasn't that good, so most of the time i cannot remember his name. jimmy, maybe? johnny? joey? i think this means i'm a bad person.

i once began a sexual relationship with a boy predicated solely on his ability to sing "superstitious" at tuesday night karaoke. oddly, he also sang "chocolate salted balls." and quite well.

i have (twice) used Boy's beard trimmer for other purposes.

when i make spaghetti and meatballs for dinner i line them up to bake in rows of four. sometimes i eat one before i let Boy know dinner's ready, but then because i don't want him to see i already ate one, i eat the whole row.

now what does it say about me that the meatball thing is the one i'm most ashamed of?

shut up, jungy mcfreudypants. it says i like meatballs. that's all.

* thank goodness it's the day before yom kippur. i must go atone now. as you can imagine, this might take a while.

see you friday.


Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Yer not evil, yer just. . . free. Untethered by superficial constraints. And you like meatballs. Could be worse. A LOT worse. ((evil grin))

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

oh shitz. i think i peed my pants a little! you are the funniest damn thing, ya knowit?

Blogger crasspersonality said...

Tarty is one of my favorite words.

Blogger Calzone said...

You are a very, very bad girl. You should be gagged, painted blue, and spanked.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Happy Kippur!

Blogger Bonanza JellyBean said...

I think everyone here has a little tart in them.

Blogger Tel said...

I once slept with someone just because he was Mexican, and I was feeling like gettin' me a little brown. So sue me.

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

Excuse me, but don't you worship the Noodley Appendage? The creator and destroyer of all delcious meats and some types of pasta?
By this rational, I actually believe that by eating the meatballs you have already atoned.
Go, and be prosperous my child.

And you may want to change your shirt...you have spaghetti sauce all over it.

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