October 10, 2005

christ on a cracker! it's she who likes to take pictures with her digital camera! that's right. this is me, today. about thirty minutes ago, actually. i was going to try to illustrate that little monologue with facial expressions, but self portraits are freaking hard.

so now some other pictures, by she who likes to take pictures. commence forced viewing of pictures.

this used to be a stuffed dog toy. now, sadly, it's a shell of what it once was. an empty mangled kitty sac. forsaken. *weep* i'm sending this picture to the makers so they will know never to discontinue this toy. because what the dog did to that kitty, he can do again.

or he might be forced to lick your face. you cannot escape.

ahem. now, today, i present proof.

proof that getting me a digital camera was an excellent idea.

proof that getting me an iron maybe wasn't.

and proof that not only am i pretty, but also a mind-boggling genius of the highest genius degree. because only a genius, whose genius mind is focused on geniusy things like john stamos and apple rings, would commit an act of this caliber.

*open scene*

i sit calmly on the reverend, almost buddha-like in my pulchritude(cha-ching!) and tranquility. i am by no means picking my nose. okay, maybe a little. i have a septum piercing... cut me some slack.

i am here for one reason-- to iron this dress, simply to remove the nasty crease where there once was a hem, but now there is not. some people don't want their cookies showing, you know. even though their cookies are totally cute and worth looking at. yeah.

because this is such a small project, (so small! just a hem!) i theorize silently that it would be so much more efficient if i didn't have to set up that whole ironing board contraption. in fact, wouldn't it be swell if i could just put this miniature ironing board across my lap and do the ironing right here?

without getting up?

so i could sit here with my only local friend the TeeVee*???

and it was, like all things, beautiful at first. the ironing and i, we had so much to talk about. over linguini and a soft cabernet we discussed our dreams, our futures.

and then somewhere along the line, it all went wrong.

i think it was when i pressed the steam button.

here's what my formerly pasty white leg looked like immediately after.

here's what it looks like today. big island is like a shmooshie liquid pillow. i keep asking people if they want to touch it, but no one does. weird.

i like how you can see the criss-cross in maui. now we match, and i will never forget the springtime of our love, dear ironing board from ikea.

*postscript* as i was writing this, big island erupted. dammit. now it hurts.


Anonymous Bling! said...

At least you didn't burn your cookies. *grin*

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Ouch! Poor Miss Kendra.

On the upside, I can fix the kitty. I got skillz, I learned 'em working at a teddy bear factory. Mail him my way.

Blogger Quirkalot said...

How did you manage to get Hawaii out of ironing? I never would have seen that on myself, but I did once have Italy on my forearm from a caramelized onion. I really can't cook.

Blogger Calzone said...

Dude...cut it out. You know how much burnt flesh turns me on. Almost as much as Fu Manchu mustaches and clown shoes.

Blogger Grend31 said...

Visiting the Apothecary of the twins Aloe and Vera? You should be! *wince*

Anonymous Tanya said...

Oh Miss Kendra, I am so sorry, I usually do it with big, black iron skillets, not irons. Guess I just like to do it with something big and black. But it hurts, oh yes, it does.

You are currently my favorite blog. Happy belated birthday.

Blogger Libby said...

How....how....what in the world happened? Were you drinking AND ironing at the same time?

Here's a tip - if you know someone who works at Starbucks, have them get some of their burn gel from their first aid kit. Honestly, that cures what ails you...

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

HUNNYYY!!!! Sorry 'bout the owwie (but what with all the fires, floods, earthquakes and hurricanes, for a second, I thought Muana Loa really *did* erupt!!!!) How old is your puppers?? He looks *exactly* like mine. Same sweet face. :)


Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

1. I love Pickles. I might leave my husband for him.

2. I'm sorry about your owie. :( Really, this is what you get for ironing. Wrinkles are for tough girls...perfect pleats are for sissies.

3. It could be worse...Hawaii could be on your forehead.

4. Get some Aloe Vera immediately. GO! NOW! FLEE!!!!

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Yes, but now when you're getting it on you can be like, "Go East! East! East towards Japan! EAST!!!"

Blogger crasspersonality said...

[initiates gag reflex] Nah, nah, I'm cool. Just give me a second for composure.

Anonymous laurie said...

Kendra! You are so adorable! I love the pic of you. Your leg, on the other hand... eeeew. Looks ouchy.


Blogger Tel said...

Haha! I was visiting Kuau'i!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks very much for your blog. You have such a candid way of sharing your ideas with others. The dog clothing information that you have here has helped me tremdously!

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