October 19, 2005
i love you so much i want to scoop your eyeballs out of their sockets and chew and suck on them

"monkey love"

two years ago, when i was living in the Bean and going to grad school, i met this guy and we went to get a hot dog. in times square.

then we agreed to be friends. the kind of friends that get naked together, but by absolutely certain standards are in no way in a relationship. at all. ever.

then we made out in a phone booth. for twenty minutes.

then we moved to california.

there was of course some stuff in between, but it's all mushy and gross and shit, so i'll spare you. anyway, today's our anniversary, and i'm sorry (really, i am) but i don't wanna blog about anything other than how much i love my man. hmm. look at that. i got some gross shit in there anyway.

here is some seemingly unrelated, but totally pertinent information. i have incredibly vivid dreams. it's probably the peyote, but hey, what am i gonna do? right before i realized i loved Boy i had this dream, where he was a surgeon and i was being chopped up into pieces. you know. in the good loving way.


i wrote a poem about it for my master's thesis, and here is an excerpt because it's either read this, or read more of me going blah blah blah, love love love love love.


...pressed to the soft spot under my left breast
the spot that makes me extend and curl
and shake under your breath

you pull it towards you
i split as if i were meant to be cut there
you are reopening a wound

none of this hurts
i am not scared

i hear your voice but you
are not speaking
somehow you explain
somehow you know it all

and there i am, suddenly,

there i am, suddenly open.

you slip into me, your fingers
searching, sliding through the slick
heat of my body, curling
the palms of your hands around
my center, the places where I’m warm
and pink.

“these are your lungs,” and you
show me one, glistening and steamy
“just breathe, just breathe”

(you are holding my breath)

together we observe
the elasticity of my tissues
my layers of dermis
i should be scared of all you can teach me.

one at a time you display
my parts, expose me
to air and light
i have never known before what
was inside me

“look here”
it’s hideous
small and still pumping
with every beat it gets
larger till it is huge and
pulsing in your hands, till it is
so big it anchors you
so big it seems it might fall.

love love love love love.

i know, it's true. i'm evil. i can't help it-- he's just that good. i'll go before this gets out of control.

i love you Boy. now all of the internets know.


Blogger Tel said...

Awww! Happy Anniversary!

Your poem would make an awesome Deftones song. I'm just sayin'.

Blogger Calzone said...

So cool. Happy anniversary and all you freak.

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

damn, but this made me happy. shuddap. it did.

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

He better have put out after he read that poem. That's all I'm sayin.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Wow, very "Punch Drunk Love". I liked it.

Blogger Quirkalot said...

That is a beautiful poem.

Blogger Tara said...

Ummm.....Happy Anniversary

Blogger Grend31 said...

Happy Anniversary Miss Kendra.

Ain't love sweet?

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