October 27, 2005
and they think kate moss is a bad spokesperson

first i just want to say that all y'all are c-r-a-z-y. my hair is *so* incredibly not cute in that picture. one side is like two inches shorter than the other and it's all crinkly! clearly the picture did not do the heinousness that was my morning hair justice. it didn't capture the magnitude of the frizz, nor the strange pattern of bends that appear to be a complex and well executed topographic map of the world. that's right. the whole world.

plus, i look like i share genetic material with bozo the clown.

i don't know who this jason character is, but i don't trust him.

now. apparently, i have become a blogger of epic proportions. because i've started getting emails from companies that want me to shill for them. the problem is that i only shill for companies i like.

well, that and they want me to do it for free. don't they know the operative word in "sell out" is sell?

so here's the email i got.
Hi Miss Kendra,

I found your blog as I was searching for quality blogs that list reference sources, such as Dictionary.com. I'd like to introduce an alternative: www.nofreepublicityfrommisskendra.com.

notgonnagetitsnameonmyblog.com is a (blah blah blah, edited for boredom... blah blah blah) There are several ways to boost your blog's readership using our site. (blah blah blah, link us, it's easy, we think you're dumb enough to succumb to our blatant attempts at flattery/solicitation... blah blah blah. One last thing to spread the word on your blog: Submit your blog, and, if approved, you and your blog will become an entry on ourcrappywebsite.com.

blah blah blah, insincere closing statement.

Communications Coordinator
i especially like the part where she thinks i might get approved to be a link on their site. because i'm sure all the f-bombs i'm dropping won't be a road block or anything. but just in case it isn't, maybe i should sprinkle a few cocks in. you know, for good measure.

classic farm-raised cock.

artsy techinicolor cock.*
*traditionally to be avoided. colors mean cooties, girls and boys.

huge motherfucking cock.

feed me cock.


Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Wow. That's absolutely the most cock I've seen in quite some time. But then, I'm married.

Blogger Bonanza JellyBean said...

I heart rooster.

Blogger Libby said...

Jesus H. Bananas. If I'm feeling down, I can always come over here and get shock treatment.

You make me laugh. And that's very important right now.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the I (heart) (rooster) t-shirt. My mother found it in my dresser, and said, "You love roosters?" Oh, mama. Yes. You're precious.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Have you seen this site: http://www.chickenboy.com/CBOpenersPages/Homepage.html? Not quite cock, per se, but I think you might know Ellen from knitting circles. She's from the 'hood.

Blogger Bonanza JellyBean said...

omg! I have the same shirt. It's my favorite. I wore it to church once.

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

okay. so do you ever have an off day? a day when it is safe to read your blog and drink liquid at the same time?

Blogger Monkey said...

I heart Miss Kendra.

Did you see my huge mother fucking cock?

Anonymous alicebabylon said...

Can I borrow your funny?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

jellybean, you're my new girl crush.

Blogger CommonWombat said...

Kendra, I love your blog beyond just about all others, but today Libby actually wins for using the phrase "Jesus H. Bananas."

Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...


Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

I always show up late to the party and nobody reads my comments.

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

I read your comments AnonymousCoworker!!! But they weren't as funny as Jesus H. Bananas. :(

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