September 19, 2005
this post was written in human blood

yeah... so that "six month supply" of contact lenses i ordered?

three years ago?

good news is there's still one pair left!

but since i ordered them a year after my insurance had ended, through the magic of the worldwidewebby thing, (i heart you, canadia, for checking the prescription after my eyes had shipped) they are maybe not as much help as one would think. they give me headaches, which they should, because only stupid people wear prescriptions that are four and a half years old. sometimes i think i can outsmart the headaches by wearing my glasses, but due to some governmental (probably republican) conspiracy, they are the exact same prescription as the contacts.

usually wearing the glasses helps, (while also making me look like a sexy librarian) but unfortunately there are some places where bookish allure just doesn't make much sense. like in the shower.

so.

let's just say i do not recommend shaving one's legs in this situation without the benefit of a guide dog.



note that i am positioned much like a well trained yogi, my face parallel to the tibia, so that i can make out the subtle differences between the wall and my own skin, as well as be conveniently close enough to suck my own toes.

and the reason i would continually risk this massive blood loss? it's simple, really. i am a product of good genes. behold the family tree.

so i have a mild hair problem. and by mild i mean the gnomes that used to pluck my eyebrows (etc.) have now unionized to demand hazard pay. uppity gnomes.

tommorow: when gnomes attack.



9 Comments:

Blogger Tel said...

It's unfair the way one has to contort to be able to shave one's legs. However, it's even more difficult when you can't see.

Blogger robiewankenobie said...

could you be more amusing? i think not.

Blogger Racheal said...

You just totally made my day.

Your family tree and shower thing was great.

You know what causes me massive blood lose? Disposable razors.. Ouch. And I don't even have major eye problems.

Blogger Beeb said...

um...what's this pirate talk you speak of???

paint pictures make my day complete...as well as part of a complete breakfast.

Blogger Mo-Pie said...

Man, I'm glad I only shave my legs once a month (jk). Why don't you girls just use an electric shaver? One you could take into the shower. Does this not work well?

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

Kendra..................
.....................
...................
........................
............ I heart you, utterly.

Blogger Dirtytaint said...

you should sell your mazda and get lasiks

Blogger Grend31 said...

Whatever you do, do not let those gnomes unionize. The next thing you know they'll be wanting "benefits". And I think we all are safer not knowing what a gnome considers as a "benefit".

Blogger Auntie Sassy said...

Woman. You Crack My Shit UP...oh, and you make me laugh as well. *smoochies*

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