September 11, 2005
sunday is bittersweet

today, four years ago, the way we live our lives changed. i was not directly affected, but a friend of mine lost her father and today, she is taking up every space in my heart.

every space not taken by my sister, my little sister bee, whose birth i watched nineteen years ago today, and who i was first to hold.

i'm sorry we can't get past our lives to find a middle ground. i love you.

* samantha *

we exist together only in these photographs, static

and two-dimensional. i love you out of habit.
strange little chrysalis, small and unripe

in my mind forever. i have not known your process or life,
you, who may also have my mother’s hands—

i haven’t seen them lately, i would not know. i can’t
escape thoughts of you thinking of me.

i fear in this exact moment you are feeling like an only
child. sometimes i have to remind myself that you are

real… for more than half your life we have lived apart
and i have missed everything, each word we should have shared,

but then i would not have picked them as carefully. now there
is so much lost in the endless sky between where i am and

las vegas. do you keep me in the back of your mind,
sister—do your memories, like mine, deceive?

or do you listen close at night, to see if you can hear me breathe?


Blogger Cj said...

I wish I had something poetic to say here. I wish I had something witty, or something meaningful, or something that would reveal the spot in my mind that your post touched.

But I dont.

So, I will simply tell you that your post is lovely, and touching. And I will quietly thank you for writing it. And I will tell you that even though it wasn't written for my benefit, I do in fact benefit from it).


Blogger Quirkalot said...

I am moved. This is really one of the best things I've ever heard/read from your mind.

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