September 09, 2005
reasons i should not work here, part one



i wear hooker makeup because i like it! this pink eyeshadow makes me look strung out, which is totally sexy!

i have lots of piercings and tattoos and make no effort to conceal them from the impressionable young girls here at school! the tattoos? got one when i was your age. the piercings? if only you knew! of course it didn't hurt! of course i didn't have my parents' permission! of course i will go in the bathroom and show you how to decorate your own body parts with safety pins and bics!

i pee my pants and write about it on the internet!

i say completely inappropriate things to anyone and everyone! i told my boss (who is a proper lady) that my favorite food is like crack! crack!

all that and i cannot fucking control my goddam sailor mouth!

mwa hahahahaha!

p.s. i'm not wearing underwear!



9 Comments:

Anonymous Skylar said...

I knew I liked you for some reason...

Blogger JenL said...

You are so my hero.

I don't suppose your favorite food would be Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies, because I am convinced that they do have crack in them.

And I fully support cursing like a sailor, so much so that I am fairly certain Bug's first word is going to be dumbass or something equally polite.

Blogger CommonWombat said...

I really enjoyed the illustration. I looked at the red dots, then readx your warning NOT to look at the red dots, and like the complete mort that I am, thought "Shit, can you really get sick through the computer?"

'Cause I'm dumb like that.

And I say go ahead an corrupt the children! Someone has to do it.

Blogger Mo-Pie said...

I do think that the red spots are turning you into a crazy tomato critter now. The sailor mouth only proves this. The next symptoms are only going to get worse. I don't even want to tell you what they are. But you will soon find out. You will be in our prayers, and don't scratch them as it only makes it worse.

Blogger Tel said...

Ha! I think they put crack in delicious food, making me want it more and more and more. Jerks!! I'm onto their tricky games!

Blogger Bonanza JellyBean said...

i have a sailor mouth, too, but i blame the sailors i grew up around. foul mouthed bastards!

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

At least you're not selling drugs to them... yet. Or worse, buying drugs from them!

Blogger Thérèse said...

Hee hee, hee hee hee. Hee hee hee hee hee hee.

(pause)

Hee.

Blogger Racheal said...

I wear hooker makeup, too. Also because I love it.

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