September 12, 2005
the land down under

just so you know, my red dots are nearly gone. which means i have far better luck than our dog, who once again, less than a month later, is back on the 'roids. i'm beginning to think he has a problem. and still rivers cuomo could kick his ass.

we have decided that since his skin problems have no seasonality, it must be a food allergy. i mean, it's that or all the crack he's been smoking. anyway, he has another two week course of pills and now the food trials begin. friends suggested we try a rice based diet, because it works for them. the internet wants me to try a raw diet, like chicken carcasses and pigs feet, and was very vocal about this being a great course of action in the case of a pregnant bitch. but seeing as pickles has had trouble conceiving (that damn penis!), we aren't sure about that one.

the vet suggested either pre-digested proteins, like in specialty foods, so that they won't be big enough to trigger his immune system. because those proteins, they are just huge. unfortunately, only people like paris and paris can afford to feed their dogs this way for extended periods of time, partly because they are richer than god (seriously. he always wears that same robe! and it's so last season!), but mostly because they wouldn't stand for this shit and would trade in for a more luis vuitton compatible model.

or, says the vet, we could try a protein he's never been exposed to. that way there would be no potential for allergy. she suggested ducks.

and also kangaroos. * gasp *

i don't know about you people, but there is no way my dog is eating a kangaroo. i'll let him poop on the kitchen floor (which i did, last night, because he was still sedated from the vet and i felt bad trying to make him walk outside) and i will hand feed him, and i would probably let him gnaw on a duck. but only the ones that don't have green heads, because dammit those green heads are cute.

i suspect i would let him eat people before i would feed him a kangaroo. only some people, (*cough* bush *cough*) but still. i also suspect that this makes me a bad person, but i think that's established fact at this point.

p.s. i think we may have found a new apartment! and i think it might be insect/mold/vermin free! cross your fingers and pray to the man in the retro robes for me! or you know, many armed lady with all the jewelry. you know what i mean.



6 Comments:

Blogger karla said...

Oh, eating kangaroo isn't that bad. It tastes like a cross between beef and cigars, but it browns nicely in the skillet.

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Have you tried switching him from crack to smack? Or meth? I hear they make for a luxurious coat.

Blogger Grend31 said...

I have made offerings in the hopes that you might be touched by His Noodly Appendage and be given the blessing of new shelter.

Blogger Moe said...

Many dogs are allergic to chicken and corn in particular...If poor pickles has a food allergy, a switch to a novel protein might do the trick (it will take about 8 weeks to notice a difference though after all the allergens are out of his body). Our dog is on Natural Balance Duck & Potato - I had heard really good things about it from other people who had dogs with food sensitivities. There are even dog cookies to match, nice for treating. They also carry a venison and brown rice formula that is hypoallergenic too.

The funny thing is, the Natural Balance? Dick van Patton owns the company. Yeah, the dad from 8 is enough. Weird. Good quality food though. No corn, wheat, dairy, or gross fillers. good luck.

Blogger Tara said...

My dog has ear infections due to food allergies. We had to switch him to a "unique enzyme" diet, too. Although, I can't say I have ever heard of kangaroo dog food. He eats only venison dog food. Even his treats are venison. Well, that's all he's supposed to eat. Occasionlly he eats crumbs and other droppings left by my 3 year old, so the ear infections continue. And sometimes he eats random things that don't make sense. I think he ate a Q-tip today.

Blogger fae said...

hi one of sassy's friends here ---I work at a vet and we sell the kangaroo diet, apparently the are like rats down under and so people are paid (by government) to do away with them, the company that makes the food then goes to the governemnt of down under and get them for free. then instead of wasting the roos they are given to dogs who need them or their stinnky rashes wont go away forever. fit's like the kangaroos are giving to animal kind.
sort of

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