August 15, 2005
working for the weekend

as for that, well, "everybody" is not, loverboy. if they're gonna be anything like the one i just had, anyways. and don't think that reference is random, people. there is a point. somewhere in here... this time, anyway.

let's start at the very beginning (all together: a very good place to start...) friday evening i leave work right on time, anticipating a night full of cinematic snuggling with Boy. because netflix rules. but, lo! what is this? my gas light is on? it appears as though our intrepid heroine (that's me, fool) must stop and *ahem* fill'er up.

so i go up to franklin, where there are four gas stations en route to my home. where my heart and my couch and my movie is. and of course, i drive right by the first two because i know the arco station will have better prices, like $2.58 instead of $2.79. that's twenty one cents, for the mathematically challenged among us. *i used a calculator.* i am bargain shopper. it's in my genes (and my jeans! which i got on ebay for cheap!)

i pull up next to the pump and pop open my gas tank cap thingie (actual name) and get out of the car. and head towards the self-payment kiosk--who doesn't love a good kiosk?--when all of a sudden i realize that i have locked my keys in the car.

in the ignition.

with the car on.

and then it runs out of gas.

luckily for me, this very station is splitting the building with a little automotive shop. so i go in and pleasantly smile and politely ask the gentleman if he can help me. to which he responds:
"sure, i can open it. but i'm gonna charge you. 50 bucks."
i about fainted. and then i about punched him in his stupid face.

it's not like this is a lot of work. i have manual locks. he could have done it in like 7 seconds. i told him i would call AAA, who would do it for free. and he said, "okay." then locked up and left. and wouldn't you know it? i realize i've locked my cell phone and my AAA card in the car. where they are lounging around and enjoying fresh strawberry daquiris with my keys. those bastards.

after pleading with the woman in the "convenience area" (note: beef jerky and lemon smelling car trees does not a convenience area make) to use the phone to call Boy, some stranger girl walks up to me and offers me her phone. and the use of her AAA card. clearly she is from mars.

or san diego, whatever. not LA.

she was so nice! she called AAA and then waited with me for 45 minutes till the guy got there and opened my door in six seconds (faster than i thought!) and for free. so hooray for jessica from san diego, for helping me in my time of need and allowing me to use her phone so that Boy could inform me of the following:
the ants are back and crawling into the couch. also, pickles' tail is going bald.
this is where i got all huge and green with anger till my clothes ripped off. which left me totally hot. but did not help because the ants are not impressed by shapely legs and big boobies. they don't have eyes. this is because they are demon spawn. duh.

after much vacuuming and spraying down of the furniture and swatting at imaginary creepie crawlies on my skin, friday was finally over. whew. but wait! now it's saturday, with the vet appointment in mar vista.

which would be great--i mean, beaches! sunshine! staring at weirdos on the boardwalk!--if mr. mcpickles wasn't losing 1763487592783469 hairs every half second. in my backseat. plus, even with the sedatives, he's still none too pleased about this field trip. which he makes apparent to the vet by nearly chomping my face off. i understand that this is purely out of fear, but you have to wonder. what does he think we're going to do to him with a cotton swab?

end result: pickles is back on the 'roids. to "reduce his inflammation." and he's lost 6 pounds since his last visit. one month ago. and his knees are crackly. (actual term used by vet.) sheesh. good thing he's cute. (yes he is! bald is beautiful!)

anyways, more stuff happened, mostly consisting of knitting and the making out etc., and then it was sunday night. at 5:30, to be exact. this information is important. Boy and i order food for delivery. some pasta thingie for him and a small pizza with mushrooms, peppers, artichoke hearts and no cheese for me. basically we're talking veggies on bread. the pizza guy tells us 30-45 minutes. just over an hour later, the delivery guy shows up, hands off the order and vanishes into thin air. which is unfortunate, considering my pizza has no artichoke hearts.

it has anchovies instead.

big hairy anchovies.

which would be lovely, had my pizza been delivered by loverboy. (ah, the point!) and by loverboy i mean:
or even

but certainly not

which is just about what i got.

i called them back, they offered another pizza... long story short, another hour goes by (at which time i am beginning to gnaw at the table... which is metal) and pizza two finally arrives. and the guy, who apparently does not know how to work a doorbell, tries to deliver through our window. not to mention the fact that it is covered with mushrooms, artichokes and pepperoni. oh the pain.

pizza three arrived at 8:45. 100% correct, 100% cold.

and now it's only monday. hooray!


Blogger Masked Mom said...

But you gotta admit "Everybody's working to escape the weekend" just doesn't have the same rhythm...Happy Monday.

Blogger Debbie said...

I enjoy reading your blog.
It is very refreshing to read about someone elses funny,quirky,adventurous life and knowing I'm not the only one who has a sense of humor about really sucky days.
This is not a plug because I gert a lot of useless ones but if you ever want to read about other quirky lives you are more than welcomed

fun reading!

Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Holy crap! Funniest blog post ever. Where's that damn blogroll it! button?

Oh my god, YOUR BLOG IS GREAT!!!!! You rule! Even if I have to use my dunb blogger acc't, which I hate just to leave a post.. you should switch that!
I have to tell you, I, for many years, have used MY MOM'S AAA. That's right, I call up and say i am someone else (my MOTHER!) and that I don't have my card on me.. And they never questioned me once!! Then of course, my mother gave me the AAA "gift' subscription for xmas one year, continued to renew it yearly, all the while unbeknownst to me and while I had NO CAR or LICENSE, and I kept on using hers..
Just thought I'd share that.
I had to link you on my blog.. the new and improved one..
i'm dropkicking blogspirit to the curb!

Blogger Beeb said...

Hairy pizza and I just don't get along...

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