2. when i was a little kid my favorite color was purple and i convinced my father to paint my room 8346759 different shades of it while my mom was at the laundromat.
3. i now hate purple.
4. i cannot ride a bike. ok maybe i can "ride" it, but certainly not without bloodshed. and ambulances. and the striking of the fear into hearts of men.
5. i used to want to be a ballerina, a florist, a broadway star (bernadette peters, to be exact), a judge, a country singer, a pr agent, a doctor, and wedding planner. that was before i realized i am Incredibly Lazy.
6. i still want to be a wedding/event planner. i'm really good at that kind of thing. but still, with the Lazy.
7. i love pickles. i require constant pickle stimulation. *pulls mind out of gutter*
open letter to the people at subway:
when i say extra pickles, i mean extra. your idea of extra pickles is the Bare Minimum. consider this your final warning. if my pickle requirements are not met i will be forced to retaliate.
general kendra, of the pickle-nese liberation army
8. i do not like bread and butter pickles. sour and half-sour are acceptable. dill is the bestestestestestest. times infinity.
9. i used to work in a deli AND i am jewish, so you cannot fool me with your inferior pickles. don't even try it. i'm watching you.
10. wheats and ryes and pumpernickel....
11. i imitate jungle monkeys with frightening accuracy.
12. sometimes when i look at people i see what they must have been like as a child. that's often my favorite thing about a person. but some of you were ugly. some of you still are. *ooooooooooooooh*
13. i used to smoke unfiltered cigarettes. in high school. i quit when i met Boy.
14. i had a four foot stuffed penguin in a top hat that i slept on most of the year that i was seven. because he was more comfortable than my bed.
15. everyone has a story about walking in on their parents, but i have many. i was there for the conception of my sister (as well as her subsequent birth. and may i say yuck.) so i learned my lesson about actually walking in, but um, my parents? they're still "in love". and i'm still trying not to hear things. could this be a factor in why i moved Here? well, let's just say down the hall wasn't far enough. voices carry, you know.
16. i pee alot. alot. like right before we go into the movie theater, and right after we leave. and sometimes in the middle. lord of the rings? not bladder friendly.
17. i am addicted to granny smith apple rings from trader joes. i buy several bags a week. a minimum of three, because i cannot survive with out two in my house, (one plus a spare in case i am forced to share *shudder*) and one in my desk at work... that's almost 10% of my grocery budget for the week. i fear i will soon be living under an l.a. times with my crazy dog and my ziploc baggies of dried fruit.
18. i do not like wine. i have liked wine on two occasions, one of which began with a bottle of champagne, plateaued (sp?) with a bottle or so of fume blanc, and ended when i passed out in someone's backyard with a lobsterpot full of mashed potatos in my lap (long story). the other wine incident involved two and a half bottles of pinot, some hooker shoes and a strip tease. note to self: throwing up is not a grand finale. well, atleast i tried. i realize i'm supposed to like wine, but i just don't. i also seem to be allergic to beer. it's the hops maybe? either way, these two facts have left me no choice but to be a vodka whore. whiskey and bourbon and rum whore too? i admit it. i get around.
19. i am scared of bugs. all bugs. lady bugs. butterflies. moths. ants. beetles. they just have too many legs. and some of them fly! and they're small! which means it's only a matter of time before one flies right up my nose and gets lodged in my brain and i die. so think twice before you admire that little ladybug. she's a kamikaze killer. that bitch.
20. i paint my toenails religiously, but never my fingers. NEVER.
21. i am the world champion "encore" player. *dances around with fists pumping in the air* i am the greatest! i float like a butterfly, sting like a bee! eeeeew bugs. but hey, remember when will smith had relevance? yeah, me neither. but atleast he used to be kinda funny.
today's blog was sponsored by the letter J and the number 19.
sit booboo, sit.